To absolutely hate being a working Mum.

[Fulani1989]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or ridiculous.
My Son was very much wanted but in hindsight o just didn't how hard parenting is when you have to work. I've been a single mum since he was 2.

I've been working full time for a year and I am absolutely exhausted. He's 4 and a half now and it's easier now than it was when he was 2 but it's still so incredibly hard.

I absolutely love my job. The job isn't the problem. Which is one good thing. I need to work full time for financial reasons. I work 9:00am-4:30pm.

I get the train near my house at 8:00am and get the train back at 5:11pm. Home for about 5:45. I know these are probably not unusually long hours but my commute is a walk,two trains (albeit short journeys) and a bus. It's a really stressful commute. But I have a job that means I only have this location viable for me to work. The location isn't even a problem. It's only 25 mins away by car (desperately need to learn to drive and I'm trying my hardest with automatic lessons).

I find getting my son dressed for school, giving him breakfast, taking him to the childminders at 7:40am with him crying and moaning is so incredibly stressful.

Once I'm on the train I relax and feel happy and love my working day but my heart sinks knowing I have to pick my son up from childminders and get him dressed etc.

I can honestly say I hate it with a passion. I don't know how people do it.

On Friday I feel such a sense of relief.
I'm happier than when I was a skint stay at home mum but it's so incredibly hard.

There's nothing I can do. This is the way it has to be. I know once my Son can get dressed and walk to school and back it will be easier. but that's secondary school age 😭😭😭

Please tell me this gets easier? I honestly feel I'm having some kind of breakdown I find it so hard.

His Dad has his every other weekend but I really do think he could do more. I'm seriously considering offering my Sons Nana money to collect him from school for me and give him his Dinner/have him in pjs.

I'm so stressed.

AIBU? And please tell me it gets easier.

Our cm used to drop off and pick up from school.
I was exhausted when mine were that age and I was commuting and working. In fact I can barely remember much of that time because I was just so bloody tired.
It does get easier I promise. Mine are 10
And 11 now and I feel like
I've got
A new lease of life!

It is hard. Maybe work longer on the friday & get his nan to pick him up & keep him overnight?

Do you have any room for an au pair - someone who could take your son to school/pick him up?

Or, could you afford a nanny share?

It'll be easier when you get driving. As hard as everything is now, you'll get through it. You'd hate it a lot more if you were poor, unemployed with no prospects so it could always be worse...

I'm so jealous of people who have proper help from parents
I can certainly see what you might be jealous of people who have proper support from partners (ex or otherwise) but you are getting a massive amount of suport from parents already imo.

I don't get a lot of help. I get no help day to day. It's only in the school holidays.

Would his grandmother agree to collect on just one night a week?
I have twins the same age as your DS and I work 4 days a week, leave the house at same time as you and mornings are just constant stress! But DH does at least one drop off and one pick up a week, and MIL collects one night a week. It's amazing how less stressed I feel on the days I don't have to leave on time. Hats off to you doing it all alone!

Could you pay his nana for a childminding type role? She could come over in the mornings to get him ready, take him / both of you to school in the car, then (if she can get you insured) you could do the drive to work under her supervision for extra driving practice or at least get driven to work to avoid the stressful commute?

OP do you ever even see your child? You see him from around 6pm then sure it's bed not long after that. Then he's out early morning.
His dad has he every other weekend.
Your parents have him all summer holidays.
Not to sound rude but it must be just ever other week end you actually spend te with him and that if he's not with his other grandparents.

Not to sound rude but ODFOD

I've just re-read your post. Your title says you hate being a working mum but in your OP, all the things you list that you hate would still need to be done whether you're working or SAHP. Is it just parenting in general you're struggling with? You really do have a lot of help you know. If your parents have your son all summer and they live in Scotland, do you not see him at all in the summer?

It's the long commute and having to do all those things under pressure/against the clock.

I hate having to leave dead on time each day.

I love being a Mum. Love my DS. I've never ever felt guilty for the amount of time I see him. Working is a necessity and I'm doing the best I can to survive.

I didn't work until he was 2. Then 2-3 were only two days a week.

I don't find parenting hard. It's being a working mum I find hard. Specifically getting my son to and from childcare/having to leave on time each day to rush back.

It's stressful! I don't enjoy it.

Once I have a car I know I will feel much much better.

In the summer holidays I travel back to my parents from Friday-Saturday night.

Many Dad are their children every other weekend and no more. Don't think anyone would think anything bad of them for that.

I see my Son almost every day. Never ever felt guilty.

A 'good' ofsted rating is actually good, you know!

A nearby school is so valuable , for nearby friends, help from nearby mums in an emergency, etc.

Can you work 3 normal days, have Nana do a long day, and you have a day off? Flexi? Or work from home?

I'm not allowed work from home but I could do a long day.

Currently I do a long day on the Friday anyway. When I don't have my son. The difference between my stress levels when someone else is picking him up to when I am is massive!

I will think about these suggestions and come up with something.

I think i need to have more intensive driving lessons though. That will help massively.

All school holidays covered is a massive amount of help

Which is not to say your life isn't stressful and hard to manage day to day, but I don't think it's helpful not to realise the ways in which you are being supported. If your parents couldn't do holidays things would be much harder. If your ex stepped up a bit/a lot that would obviously help.

I accept I'm supported.

That's not the point of the thread though. It's still hard being a working Mum. That's the point of the thread.

It does get easier op. I was back full time when my DC was 10 months out of necessity as a single parent.

It was hard, really hard. If I'm honest I still feel a bit of guilt for the early years and I too was seriously overstretched and knackered. But now he's older, we're used to our routine and accept that's just the way things are.

The breakfast and after school clubs are my lifesaver. Don't be put off by ofsted rating if that's what's putting you off. Have a visit and get a feel for the place. X

I do still think that rather than accepting your ex doesn't pull his weight, try asking his mum for help encouraging him to step his game up and start expecting more help from his end.

Do you know any college age people or young adults? I used to get a bit of cash when I was about 19 for collecting a family friend's daughter from school (on days where both parents were working longer) and just seeing her into the house, settling her down with her cartoons etc. Would a similar arrangement help you if someone could bring DS home from the Childminder's so you don't have to stop off there and can just come home to him?
Then again, I don't know if that over-complicates things for you with too many people to depend on.

The commute is what you find tough obviously, which I get, it's the stress, worrying if the train will be late, connections on time etc et. I have a crap commute and it's super stressful when a little person is relying on you.

I'd focus on passing your test. Intense lessons, any chance to practise.

Lots of unhelpful comments on here, I don't know why people bother.

Good luck op.

You need a baby sitter doing the school pick up and tea.
If you could afford it, the morning routine too.
Ask around the other parents you know, when I was a teacher my TA (who was young and childless) did the morning and after school routine for a couple of kids on my road. It worked really well.
My sister has another parent look after her son (paid) after school on the days she works. Think the school pick up / play / telly / homework / supper is all done by the time my sisters husband picks dc up and takes him home.
I don't think it's too hard to find a solution, although when you are exhausted it must seem a daunting challenge, but I really don't think it is.
You are just going to have to throw a bit of money at the problem, which it seems like you could afford?

I'm the same op. Back tomorrow with some support but just wanted to send solidarity.

And a bit of rage to all these bloody NRPs thinking they're doing such a great job.

Op are you a nigerian . I think your best bet is a new audiences pair. Will make your life 100 times better . Maybe move your son into your room and let the au pair have his room?

It IS hard being a working mum. Especially a single working mum. You need to give yourself more credit for doing such a good job. No matter how you FEEL you are doing, you are doing awesome.

I was a single working mum with 4 children and it was HARD. I absolutely knew it was the best and only thing I could do though and I just did it. It does get easier but that doesn't help now, I know.

Start with getting your licence. That's one hurdle and will be a step closer to it being easier for you.