AIBU to be pissed off at this autism course?

[Welldd]

DD is autistic. We struggle a lot with behavior, anxiety, poor academia, massive social struggles. We've just had a diagnosis.

A local ASD team are running a parenting support course. It's a 12 week block run by professionals. I can't even begin to put into words how beneficial this would be for us.

It's every Friday. I can't go because I'm in work. I've spoken to my boss and there's no way I can get one day a week off for 12 weeks (understandably obviously).

The lady I spoke to was taken aback when I said I work and she also didn't really 'get' my predicament. She even asked with almost raised eyebrows "You can't make one session a week for your daughter? Really?"

There are over 500 families who are eligible for this course. There are 12 spaces and our family have miraculously been selected. I feel so upset and angry that I'm going to have to turn this course down despite being desperately eager to attend all because I've got a fucking job. We have no other support.

AIBU? I feel crushed about it

Oh no, it is hard as people have different timetables, so they cannot do course times to fit everybody. Mabey they should offer an evening or weekends. The only people who can do to day courses are those who are stay at home parents or work on different days.

I often wondered about this. All of the courses in relation to my son (ASD) I was offered were daytime ones. I don't work as he can't cope with mainstream after school care so I was able to attend but it would have been a nightmare for working parents. Although the reality I suppose is many parents of a disabled child are stuck being carers and not working.

It sucks. Sending you lots of empathy :)

No YANBU. My friend did a similar course and managed to get time off...but most couldn't. Why aren't they on the weekend!?? It's shit. And she sounds ridiculously ignorant!

Just a thought...is there someone else that could go in your stead?

Ahhh no. Could you not make up the hours at work somewhere else?

I feel so disappointed. It sounds fantastic and we are so desperate for help and support

YANBU at all.
I managed to go to our local cygnet course as I don't work, but faced critical comments as dh couldn't go (he works and can't take time off for twelve sessions).
In my area they keep talking about an evening session, but nothing ever comes of it.
Lack of support when it comes to autism is shocking.

During the course I did, the most valuable part of it was other parents' experiences, rather than the course itself (it was useful, but nothing I couldn't have found in a book!). Is there a local group who have meet ups that you could go along to? Or a local autism FB group?

I'm sure you've considered all options- unpaid leave, using a load of annual leave to book Fridays off for 12 weeks, etc- so I will just say it's crap, the person you spoke to has a crap attitude and I am so sorry.

Yanbu to be upset. Are you sure it's a whole day? We did the Cygnet parent support course when our son was diagnosed and it was a three hours every Friday. Most people on the course worked so it was a hassle for them and they had to take half days off - my dh could only come to a few but then I appreciated it being during the day so I didn't have to find a babysitter. They are often run in spare space at local schools, for cost reasons, so need to be during school hours.

There's no way I can make it. The nature of my job is very particular so making up hours is simply not an option. I've tried and exhausted every single possibilities of me going.

The course is aimed at parents or main caregivers of the ASD child in question. And if it wasn't, I don't have anyone in an available position to go regardless.

It's not a full day no, but it's 10am until 2pm and there's a 30min drive each way so it's almost a 'day' iygwim.

I see, definitely a whole day. Our course leader said a teacher from school or a grandparent could take my DH's slot - is that an option? Not the same as you going I know. Do you have a partner who can go?

Sorry just read your second para. I know it's aimed at parents/caregivers but I would encourage you to look into teachers from school using a space - very little training given to teachers, at least where we live.

I understand how you are feeling. I was made redundant just before my son was diagnosed which was a blessing because it meant I could attend all appointments and courses before returning to work.

Hopefully you will have access to more courses in the future that are shorter and do not require so much time off work. It is very hard to juggle work with everything else.

Grandparents not an option no. I don't think DDs teacher could go. I think it's a bit much to ask a teacher of 30+ kids to miss a one day a week (in fairness). DH is in a similar predicament to me.

Sorry, I know I'm being very dismissive. When I read about the course I was so relieved to finally have some help with managing DD and felt honored that our family had been selected over hundreds of others. Now it's torturous to have to now turn that help away.

Agree Spongesecret008, it's so hard to manage everything. My boss has already been more than reasonable with me attending the endless appointments and meeting to the run up to DDs diagnosis.

It sucks damn it.

cloud. Is right. The course is ok but it's the other parents there that are the real source of support. Could you look to join a NAS group? They often meet on evenings and weekends

Are there any courses offered online? Like a webinar type thing?

Unfortunately, my mother is in her 70s and has the same type of attitude is that woman. She can't understand why some parents didn't do like she did and stay home. I try and explain that it is 2017, But she is a negative person by nature and even towards me sometimes she can be very very negative. Just ignore it, not everyone has that type of attitude

I think the leader is a bit of a cow to make you feel guilty like that.

I was talking to my dh about salaries in his industry. After 3 years of working in his role mid 90's, he was being paid 16k, started off at 11.25k. A similar job now attracts a starting salary of maybe 18k tops. People of the older generation have no concept that housing costs have shot up and salaries have stayed low hence the need for 2 parent families.

Sorry posted too soon. I meant 2 parents working in a family.

I'm sorry you're struggling. She sounds like a silly woman.

Whereabouts are you op? Are you near herts/ beds/bucks/ cambridge?

Could you go one week and Dh the next? Nephews are autistic and Ds says the same... Always in the day time

In my old job, I managed to take unpaid leave for ten weeks to do the Hanen 'More than Words' course but that's not possible these days. The team have stopped offering courses to me because I can't make them during the day.

All lost of these courses are run by charities and get certain amounts of funding and depending on council whether there's any at all. There maybe only one person that runs that course in fact so they have to schedule it for sometime, also finding a venue that they may also have to pay for. Yes it's crap that your work will not allow you to go, is there someone who can go in your place for you?