AIBU to be pissed off at this autism course?

[Welldd]

DD is autistic. We struggle a lot with behavior, anxiety, poor academia, massive social struggles. We've just had a diagnosis.

A local ASD team are running a parenting support course. It's a 12 week block run by professionals. I can't even begin to put into words how beneficial this would be for us.

It's every Friday. I can't go because I'm in work. I've spoken to my boss and there's no way I can get one day a week off for 12 weeks (understandably obviously).

The lady I spoke to was taken aback when I said I work and she also didn't really 'get' my predicament. She even asked with almost raised eyebrows "You can't make one session a week for your daughter? Really?"

There are over 500 families who are eligible for this course. There are 12 spaces and our family have miraculously been selected. I feel so upset and angry that I'm going to have to turn this course down despite being desperately eager to attend all because I've got a fucking job. We have no other support.

AIBU? I feel crushed about it

I have similar issues OP - I work full-time, and all the support and training days are organised for during the working day. I'm led to believe that this is because parents are actually caring for their children outside of school hours, so they try to organise everything for the hours when the child(ren) are in school. Even our PTA meetings are daytime for this reason. I just keep repeating myself, broken record, "I cannot attend as I work full time. Please would you consider holding this in the evening."

Have a word with your local Special Needs school. I work in one and we offer courses a few times a year for anyone who wishes to attend. They aren't anything as in-depth as a 12 week one, but they are immensely helpful (I've attended as support staff and learned a lot!) and most importantly they are almost always run in the evening.

So sorry you were made to feel like that. YANBU

How frustrating :(

I went to a similar course - not twelve weeks but six and it was really helpful. I couldn't go to all six sessions but it was still worthwhile.

Could you possibly manage 4 or 5 and your DH likewise?

could you apply for flexible working? according to the ACAs website:
'Under provisions set out in the Employment Rights Act 1996 and regulations made under it, all employees have a statutory right to ask their employer for a change to their contractual terms and conditions of employment to work flexibly provided they have worked for their employer for 26 weeks'

you wouldn't necessarily need to reduce your hours, if you can extend your other days (restrictions permitting)

Its so infuriating isnt it? I used to have to miss out on so many courses because of work xx

She is very ignorant OP.

A member of NHS staff once suggested a (rich) relative of mine give up working and sell their house and go on benefits so they could attend hospital appointments more easily. Like that was going to happen.

Just dismiss the ridiculous suggestions OP.

It's hard, the courses here are mainly day time with one evening one each year - but that one isn't normally full apparnetly as most people can't due it due to childcare. It's a swings and roundabouts type thing I guess but they should try to vary times/locations as much as possible though to make it easier to access.

We turned it down - I teach FT, DH often the other side of the country. It's been the same with all support etc offered; during the day.

For those suggesting a teacher goes in place of op - can you imagine the cost if supply and uproar of other parents...

Could you ask the organisers to find support for an evening class among people locally on the waiting list?

MN's SN boards here are very good, if you post in e.g. SNChat, , I'm sure you'd get good advice about which parenting courses are best, what times they'r run and how to access any support in your area.

My experience is that people assume I don't work because of my son's needs. He is 10 and has severe learning disabilities and autism.

Every summer I have to ring his school to find out when inset days are for the following year, and they cheerfully reply that they will be sent out in September. No, I need to know as soon as you do as I have 2 other kids at a different school with different inset days plus a job!

Can you ask for the course handouts at least or maybe manage just a few of the 12 days (if no-one else takes the place)?

OP I'm so sorry they spoke to you like that. For what it's worth, I'm a single parent to a child with ASC and I've never attended any of these courses as they're all when I'm at work. Evening and weekend courses come up occasionally in my area but they are snapped up quickly.

I hope you manage to find something that works for you in the future.

I help run a course and one of the problems is that many parents who help or involved with these courses can only do so when our own children are at school. Trying to organise evening and weekend courses is really difficult as the providers only want/ or available weekdays.

Both your employers are very unfeeling if they can't allow you 6 weeks each of unpaid leave. I would allow my staff this. Have they said no to unpaid leave?

I am shocked that people who run these courses are surprised that mothers have to work. With all the cuts and rising prices in just basic daily living/survival food and clothes they are still surprised. Op next time when they ask a stupid question ask them where there children are and listen to them stutter.

Children are our future and more should be done to help working parents to attend courses to help there children. To many excuses are made and no one is telling the truth. Budget cuts is killing off all the services it costs to much money to run a course in the evening or weekend.

Could you take holiday to do it?

*daily living/survival to buy food and clothes

:( I used run courses like these. They were always in the evening. It meant people sometimes had trouble getting childcare though. It's so difficult. For people who couldn't attend due to the childcare issue, I sometimes did a condensed version in their homes, when time and funding allowed. Is that a possibility? If you PM me your location I might be able to recommend a charity or course local to you that could be more flexible.

Is there any way your employer would consider unpaid Parental Leave for these sessions? I realise it puts you under pressure being unpaid though. I know a few people, myself included, who have been able to utilise this leave (all with different companies and for different circumstances) so it hopefully isn't unheard of for your company

Hwhen your child has a disability i underrtand you can apply for unpaid leave up to ahe of 18. It can be applied fir as single days. I think thet need a v good business reason for refusal. There are rules re notice. Look at gov.uk there is info in there dont know hiw to post a link

Op, as your child is disabled you may be able to take parental leave. It's unpaid but your employer cannot turn you down (only defer with a very good reason) and because your child has a disability can be taken in single days rather than the usual whole week blocks. Could that be an option? This sort of thing is exactly what the leave is for.

I'll post a link in a mo.

X-posted with some other people with the same idea.

Link: www.gov.uk/parental-leave/overview

Just to clarify from what other posters have said:

1. It doesn't matter if your current employer knows about this leave or anyone has previously used it. It is a statutory right. ie a legal entitlement.

1. A request cannot be refused. It can only be deferred and there must be a significant reason for the deferral.

1. You must give 21 days notice and have been employed for at least a year with your current employer.

Some employers have more generous terms so check your staff handbook. If there is no policy or mention of Parental Leave then statutory entitlement would apply.

How rude of the course organiser.

I would ask to take it as parental leave. Or her dad could if that is an option. Don't dismiss asking her teacher either. They can and do cover professional development training for teachers.
If none of those are an option I'd ask if they could email you the course handouts. I've done EarlyBird and a few other courses and in all honesty it is only info you can get on the NAS website anyway.
It's not on how you've been spoken to. If that's who is delivering the course then presumably they would have difficulty taking that day off each week so should understand it isn't always possible.