AIBU to be pissed off at this autism course?

[Welldd]

DD is autistic. We struggle a lot with behavior, anxiety, poor academia, massive social struggles. We've just had a diagnosis.

A local ASD team are running a parenting support course. It's a 12 week block run by professionals. I can't even begin to put into words how beneficial this would be for us.

It's every Friday. I can't go because I'm in work. I've spoken to my boss and there's no way I can get one day a week off for 12 weeks (understandably obviously).

The lady I spoke to was taken aback when I said I work and she also didn't really 'get' my predicament. She even asked with almost raised eyebrows "You can't make one session a week for your daughter? Really?"

There are over 500 families who are eligible for this course. There are 12 spaces and our family have miraculously been selected. I feel so upset and angry that I'm going to have to turn this course down despite being desperately eager to attend all because I've got a fucking job. We have no other support.

AIBU? I feel crushed about it

YANBU such a shame. The handbooks are good so I would recommend you ask for one.

Our area uses non-attendance of these courses as a really shoddy excuse to deny parents other support.

Going to these courses is mandatory if you needs further help from our local ASD services. It is a really shitty way of cutting waiting lists. punishment for children with ASD and their families if both parents have the indecency to work.

I have applied for the six week course and hoping to get it eventually. I will fave the same issues as you snd had intended to apply for this type of leave. Hope your employer sees sense.

Thank you for all your help and advice. Parental leave has come up a few times on this thread, taking a pay cut is the biggest problem for us. No one else can go on behalf of us, we don't have that sort of network around us.

Can't take holiday leave as I'm not eligible.

I'll most certainly request any handouts for the course, however most of it will be discussion led from both professionals and fellow ASD parents.

It's really really difficult and I feel for you. I managed to get on two courses which were great but they were on days I don't work and they also had a place for DD, who isn't at school yet. I'm sorry I can't suggest anything that hasn't been thought of.

Sorry you've been so let down. And how bloody rude too! Are there any groups for families who have children with ASN near you? Not a course, I know, but you'd at least get to meet families similar to yours. Worth a google if you haven't done so already. We go to a couple weekend groups and they were a lifeline when we were going through the diagnosis, and much more useful than any course I've been on.

There were 2 local support groups (very) close to us but sadly both have shut since the 'Local Support' booklet was printed. Next nearest one is around 12/13 miles away which is OK but not ideal. Also clashes with DDs after school activity.

In better news, DD has had a fantastic day in school. Silver lining and all that eh?

This is the story of my life.

I have 2 kids with ASD. Every time ask for direct help or support for things like speech & language, motor difficulties etc I'm signposted to various courses that I can't attend because I'm either at work or looking after my pre-schooler (and no, they don't provide a creche).

No chance of taking annual leave as I have to save that for school holidays (have you ever tried to find a holiday club for children with disabilities?).

My asd son attends holiday day club, he loves it as he is kept busy with lots of different activities. They are meant to make reasonable adjustments stments for Sen kids

I have experienced this. There seems to be an expectation that parents of children with sn don't work or only work part time. It used to piss me off massively. Having said all that most of these courses are shit. I did an earlybird course which was pretty awful mainly due to people leading it. The only good thing about it is that you might meet other parents in similar circumstances.

I'm glad your son can access mainstream childcare in the holidays vickibee. You do realise that not all children with ASD can though don't you?

Great she had such a fab day! Makes everything a bit shinier. I hear you about the lack of local options. We have to travel a bit to ours, but it's the only way ds mixes with other kids with asc, and they are great groups so we keep going. One of my friends didn't like the lack of a family ASN play sessions near her so she started one herself. Truly inspiring! And not as crazy as she expected it to be.

If it's the early bird course, DM me and I'm happy to send you all of my paperwork etc from it. I don't know the ins and outs of your work, but under the Equality Act 2010, as a main caregiver of a person with a disability, you are covered - and they should be making reasonable adjustments to accommodate things that have arisen as a result of your child's condition. I think you should be entitled at the very least to unpaid leave.

You can take unpaid parental leave in 1 day chunks rather than the normal 1 week if your child is disabled.
Look on gov.uk to see if eligible i.e been there 1 year.
If you apply it's very difficult for work to turn you down.
Could you pick up another day at work or overtime to cover the loss of earnings for the unpaid leave.

Do they not give you a letter for your employer? Our NHS trust does and employers give unpaid leave.

There is no over time in my job due to the nature of it, same goes for working additional days (I basically work maximum hours). No letter to my employer. She was genuinely shocked when I had to interrupt her to say that I actually work. Unpaid leave would be an issue. One or 2 days not so much of an issue, but 12 would hit is too hard I fear.

OP are you claiming DLA for your DD? You could use it to offset (some of) your loss of earnings in the short term?

There is a complete lack of understanding about parental commitments when it comes to these courses. I was heavily criticised by a CAMHS psychologist in a multi agency meeting about turning down a course. Apparently it showed we were difficult parents to work with. The fact that my DS had not been able to attend school for the previous 18 months (hence multi agency involvement) & that both DH and I were lucky enough to have understanding employers who we'd already pushed to the extreme in terms of flexible working due to one of us always needing to be at home, was entirely lost.
I had in fact attended a similar course run by the local education authority & it was useless unless your child was on the higher end of the ASD spectrum & it was bizarrely, rather than being a supportive environment, the most horrible example of competitive parenting I've encountered

Could you go for half days?
You could do 10-12.30 say and be at your desk 1-5.30 or whatever.

Honestly op dont make your life harder for this course. They are really not as good as they claim to be. You can get all tge info from reading a couple of decent books about asd in young children.

Horrible of the organiser to make you feel that way, and extremely disappointing that your boss can't get you time off work.

As an alternative, could you perhaps be put in touch with someone attending who can debrief you every week? You could also ask for a copy of the notes.

I attended something recently and the organisers had arranged for a pack to be available for people who couldn't attend the workshop. It contained handouts and a stick with the exact presentations we all saw on the day.

Sorry, just realised my suggestion had already been made.

I've found exactly the same. Everything I get letters and notes for re attending events/ information mornings related to my ds autism is in the day and o can't just get time off.

However, look at parental leave rules. When there have been courses I've written to HR requesting to take 3 days of parental leave over x amount of weeks. So far that's been accepted.

Been there and done that!
Managed to accommodate 6 weeks of OT and 10 weeks of a social skills course for her, which involved missing school too - when I asked if these could be held outside school time I was met with shock - these are far more beneficial than school apparently. So we did them. However no way could I commit to 12 sessions of a parental course, I highly doubt it would be worth it.

We miss out on loads and loads of stuff due to being working parents but to be honest I wouldn't change it for the world, it gives us money to pay for what my dd needs and it sets a good example to her too. I think that outweighs what we are missing in the midweek trips out and meetings the local autism group offer.