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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nurses rough with dd

122 replies

andshewillbeloved · 15/06/2017 18:46

My toddler dd had an overnight stay in hospital the other night and had to have an inhaler and paracetamol to reduce her temp. She was wheezing and breathing too fast.

I'm probably being PFB but the nurses were very forceful when it came to giving her the medicine and I'm left feeling a bi traumatised.

Am I being daft?

OP posts:

TestTubeTeen · 16/06/2017 15:56

"It is that kind of thinking that enables hcp's to treat women devastatingly badly during childbirth and get away with it."

It might be, or it might not be.

What was the OP supposed to do? Refuse to let the nurse hold the child and get the inhaler inhaled? Women can actually make a choice. Understand that medicine and procedures are necessary and take responsibility for the understanding that and supporting staff, whilst also maintaining a position as fierce advocate for your child. Choosing treatment plan, questioning everything, and at times demanding. Pretty patronising to think that mothers cannot accept tough times without giving up all control over their own bodies.

I do agree that mothers in childbirth DO need to understand, question and be assertive about what they are comfortable with - and the same level of assertiveness and knowledge helps you be confident in knowing when yes, actually, your child is better being held firmly and made better.

Sirzy · 16/06/2017 15:58

None of the HCPs who have had to pin DS down over the years for procedures have been anything but caring and trying to do what is best for him. Sadly though most medical intervention is non negotiable and actually spending too long "pussy footing" can make things much worse for the child because they end up getting even more wound up and anxious.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/06/2017 16:15

I'm a peadiatric nurse and unfortunately you do have to be quite forceful in getting some children to take medicine. So I'm afraid you may well be being a bit PFB. But I appreciate it's not nice for the parents. But if it wasn't essential we wouldn't do it.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/06/2017 16:18

I have endless patience with getting young children and toddlers to take their medication but arguing with a 12 year old last week, who was behaving like a toddler about it almost snapped my patience.

iamavodkadrinker · 16/06/2017 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kaytee87 · 16/06/2017 16:22

Awk op it can't have been nice to watch. I cried when my baby ds got his jags

I'm sure the nurse did what she thought best as it sounds like your toddler was very poorly.

Have a hot bubble bath and an early night.

FavouriteWasteofSlime · 16/06/2017 16:25

I have seen children readmitted to hospital because their parents don't like upsetting them by giving the inhalers. The consequences of this are far worse than them being upset for five minutes.

Did you offer to do it yourself and the nurses watch as sometimes that works better.

Neutrogena · 16/06/2017 16:34

Ask your OH for a cuddle - I think you need one

Mia1415 · 16/06/2017 16:43

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to toughen up. My DS ended up in hospital almost every time he had a cold from the age of about 9 months. He hated his inhaler and hated any medicine (even calpol - still does). The nurses and I had to hold him down while he screamed. Yes it was horrible, but that's what he needed.

I remember crying whilst trying to give him is inhaler at home during a bad attack as he was fighting me all the way. I ended up accidently making his little nose bleed as I was trying to hold the spacer on. It was awful, but better than the alternative of him not having it.

Nurses in A&E and paediatrics know what they are doing.

Rockhopper81 · 16/06/2017 16:45

iamavodkadrinker - fine to have an opinion, but calling the OP a twat is uncalled for.

angelcakesrule · 16/06/2017 16:53

Babies/toddlers do tend to get upset if they have to have inhaler etc... but they need it for there own good and if that means holding them down etc then so be it... my dd has asthma from 5/6 months (though couldn't officially diagnose until 2) and she screamed blue murder, a doctor once told me it was actually a good thing as the medicine was getting into the airways with all the screaming.

Sorry your being very PFB if it was bad enough for a stay in hospital then she needed those meds

Mummmy2017 · 16/06/2017 16:56

Mine had 6 nurse;s holding her down at 3 and 1/2 too take some medicine, and the Matron trying to open her mouth......

they ended up putting it up her bottom.

Next time the Matron came round the madam dropped her pants...

Changednamesorry · 16/06/2017 16:58

they did their job. it's not an easy one.
traumatised? bit much.

Witchend · 16/06/2017 17:02

Having been there when they spent a long time explaining and trying to persuade, it's actually more traumatic for ds. Because the tine spent got him more worked up about having it, and also gave him the idea it was totally his choice or not to take it.
Doing it quickly is much better for all.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 16/06/2017 17:03

YABU. Can't win situation for the nurses. Child is not able to make autonomous decision to refuse necessary meds.

user789653241 · 16/06/2017 17:04

My child was very ill when he was small, there were times when doctors/nurses had to hold him down to take bloods/ give medication.

I think you are lucky actually, for you to think the nurses were too rough. My ds had bruises on his arm, when the doctor/nurses had to hold him down to take his bloods. He was pulled away from me screaming when he had to have some kind of procedure done. I will never forget his face when he was crying for me before he was put to sleep before having operation. Count your lucky stars.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 16/06/2017 17:05

They absolutely did the right thing. Your daughter was in hospital, she NEEDED the medication. They were well within their rights to do whatever it took to get it into her.

She will forget any distress it caused as it's temporary, but it would be much harder to forget any lasting effects of them placating her and you by not giving her the medicine.

Soubriquet · 16/06/2017 17:06

My dh never forgets the time he had to pin down my Dd when she was 13 months old so she could have a cannula in her foot.

She fought that badly she needed dh, two nurses and a doctor to get it in. She also screamed really loud and dh said she had a look of complete betrayal in her eyes (I think that was more his guilt because she was 13 months...not old enough)

But because she had the cannula her treatment lasted 3 days instead of two weeks

She also had to be pinned down for oxygen and inhalers.

It is traumatising to see but remember it is for their benefit. They don't understand you are just trying to make them better

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 16/06/2017 17:07

DS2 used to fight like a demon when we had to give him his inhaler. I have pinned him down on numerous occasions while he screamed and thrashed about. I felt like the worst mother in the world!

If it's any consolation he is 4.6 now and sits very calmly to take it. He gets his brown inhaler every night so has become totally used to it.

becotide · 16/06/2017 17:08

Toddlers don't like being in hospital, or nurses, or medicine, or inhalers, or feeling ill. YOu simply cannot reason with them, youcould talk until they literally die. You have to force them. It's not nice to see and I'm sorry you had a traumatic experience. But she is still alive, probably because they forced her medicine into her.

user789653241 · 16/06/2017 17:13

For your comfort, my ds doesn't remember any of his traumatising experience. (Only I do, and it's funny story now, when I tell him about it. He was a toddler then, now he is 9.)

dataandspot · 16/06/2017 17:15

My child had an ecg on their brain. They attached all these electrodes to their head with sticky stuff. After the test the clinician gathered the leads and yanked them off in one with no warning.

That was 16 years ago and I still remember how vicious and unkind that person was. I wish I had complained.

RoseTico · 16/06/2017 17:20

I understand. My DS was restrained by several nurses in order to be sedated for a minor op, and his DF was so upset he went off to cry in the toilets! But if they hadn't done that he would have refused. Like someone said above, we are used to negotiating with our children, for as long as it takes. In a busy hospital, they need to do what they need to help now, because there are lots of other kids waiting. It's awful, but she won't remember it, and you'll feel better soon.

RoseTico · 16/06/2017 17:21

(DS only remembers the computer game he got afterwards as a reward!)

muckypup73 · 16/06/2017 17:24

Would you rather your daughter died?

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