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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL Surprise, surprise

786 replies

AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 17:51

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

OP posts:

MuvaWifey77 · 16/06/2017 18:10

I see a lot of people here having little problems with their in laws because the in laws have little or no common sense. Where I come from we tell them "sorry dear, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave after tea as I need me time and have already planned my time , please let us know in advance in the future as surprises can be quiet difficult to manage sometimes." That's it. You are an adult , she's an adult. TELL HER.

Loreleigh · 16/06/2017 18:10

No way - I agree that you need to be firm from the off, as anyone who thinks this sort of intrusive, expectant type of behaviour is even remotely acceptable will always take the piss if allowed to - do not give in to her emotional blackmail and tears, she'll obviously resort to any tactics to get her own way - don't fall for it and make sure your partner stands with you on this issue. NEVER give her a key, she'd probably have a spare cut 'just in case' lol! If politeness fails, be rude, but stick to your guns, as such.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 16/06/2017 18:10

OP is a hero!

I can't imagine the thought process that led the MIL to think this was okay. On any level. Thank god my relatives are normal.

MuvaWifey77 · 16/06/2017 18:10

Reow 😂😂👏👏

2017SoFarSoGood · 16/06/2017 18:15

boy kittens called "Hubs" and "Sups" would be nice

Writermom22 · 16/06/2017 18:21

Omg, I would hate that!

This is why I'm glad I don't have in laws! You have my sympathy.

Plainlycrackers · 16/06/2017 18:21

Same here YouTheCat! Chaos reigns here on a normal day. I burst into tears when my own parents arrived unannounced on my doorstep once... they ALWAYS ring first now! My own MIL has her faults but she is no space invader thank goodness if anyone was to do this to me it would be my own mum and there would be perforating of ear drums from my wailing Amber I take my hat off to you! Enjoy the film... can we have a review afterwards please!

ToothTrauma · 16/06/2017 18:24

I love you, OP

welshbutenglish · 16/06/2017 18:25

Nightmare! I feel for you! But no advice except make up some sort of diversion so that theres no option but for her to go....ummmmmm.....sorry but my oldest friend is coming to stay, we haven't seen each other in ages, we really need some quiet catch up time as she's been having a difficult time recently...
skulks off ashamed at such a lie even though its not mine

damewithaname · 16/06/2017 18:30

Nooooooooooo!!

justlliloleme · 16/06/2017 18:33

I'd tell her in no uncertain terms where to go. So bloody rude 😡😡

Planningoz · 16/06/2017 18:45

I thought someone engaged in frotterism by Frottering. The unwanted type can be a problem on the tube in rush hour......(totally misses main point of thread........)

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/06/2017 18:51

That'll teach your MiL.

Can't believe she ever thought it was acceptable to just turn up without asking, not to mention letting herself in like that. I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.
My MiL would never have dreamt of such a thing.

Cookie37 · 16/06/2017 18:58

And say you have other plans until DH gets back, too, or she'll be back tomorrow morning ! God I would be absolutely livid. Good luck and do NOT back down !

OnTheRise · 16/06/2017 18:58

This would work with most people, who are reasonable and thoughtful and kind. But for the sorts of people who would do the sorts of things detailed in this thread, it would probably be no help. My mother, for instance, would find such instruction a challenge to break. Whenever she's asked not to do something she just does it more. No wonder I've not seen her in years.

Smudge100 · 16/06/2017 19:00

If she is thick-skinned enough to do this, she deserves to be shown the door. She's checking up on you and it's not on.

GreenTulips · 16/06/2017 19:01

I need to know what your husband said!

mumto2two · 16/06/2017 19:12

It's easy for some people to see this as a matter of fact problem, that can be dealt with in a 'sorry you need to leave after tea' kind of way. But it's perhaps not so easy when the MIL in question has travelled more than a few miles to get there.
My MIL turned up like this..and lives a 24 hour flight away! And yes...she cried too

Nanna61 · 16/06/2017 19:23

MIL has taken the piss, but your NDN has been unbelievably reckless and stupid handing out your key to someone she doesn't know!
How did NDN know that MIL wasn't a psychopath stalking you or worse!

starlight13 · 16/06/2017 19:26

Unacceptable for anyone to let themselves into your home without your permission - a line has definitely been crossed here.

Doesitgoto11 · 16/06/2017 19:32

Lordy she sounds like my exMIL except we never had any keyholders so she'd camp out with our upstairs neighbours who she knew we were friends with instead (we lived in a ground floor maisonette at the time).

It was not unheard of for me to pull up outside the house after a long day at work commuting to London for them to be ushering her out the door as soon as they spotted my car!

We went through 9 months of her turning up to stay for a week at a time minimum every other week. And she paid no attention to what was asked of her when we said to call first. The final straw (which was extreme I grant you) - I was raped (in my own home by someone we knew so not a stranger rape scenario - in fact he was DP's best mate, yes I took it to court sadly I lost).

And we asked her not to come and stay here.

She turned up anyway. And then expected ME to apologise to HER. I didn't want ANYONE in my home at that point to be honest, it was 1 day post event and I had police in and out with tape recorders and everything! She pulled the waterworks out and eventually his bro agreed to put her up.

She hated my guts for the 10 years we were together. And whilst I'm sad she died, I don't miss either of them given he was a fucker as well.

LK2boyzma · 16/06/2017 19:36

Why are people on MN always so against MILs.... I have 2 boys and I am so scared of the day they start dating.... will that be a time to cut them off to avoid my heart being broken when I suddenly become the villain? I really lose sleep about my future relationship with my sons!

ToothTrauma · 16/06/2017 19:37

Doesitgo I'm so sorry you went through that.

Dianag111 · 16/06/2017 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechangeforholiday · 16/06/2017 19:39

DoesItGo how awful for what you have been through. How insensitive of anyone to impose themselves in those circumstances

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