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Original poster

MIL Surprise, surprise

786 replies

AmberStClare · 15/06/2017 17:51

DP is away from home on a course and have been enjoying this week on my own, slobbing out in the evening after work, eating supper in front of the TV and generally having a nice time.

Just got home from work and opened the front door, walked into the sitting room to find my MIL sitting on the sofa. Cries 'surprise surprise, got the key from your NDN, let myself in and have come to stay for a few days to keep you company whilst DP is away.'

Just rung DP and he is equally annoyed as is expected back Saturday and we were looking forward to the weekend catching up on each other's news and bit of frottage. All out of the window as MIL expects to be waited on hand and foot, in fact just said if I was putting the kettle on she would love a cup of tea, 'And a biscuit dear if there are any going.'

Who do I kill first, NDN for giving out the key without checking with me first (She has never met MIL before as we moved here recently) or MIL for presuming she can do this.

OP posts:
Cocolepew · 16/06/2017 13:25

Expat Grin
My mil would, love to have a key to my house. FIL had one when we were on honeymoon because he was wallpapering for me.
Mil obviously accompanied him one day and we came home to find every room had been rearranged.

I came home at 10 pm on tuesday to find her standing outside the house shouting DHs name because nobody was answering the door.
It didn't seem to occur to her that's because there was nobody in.

THirdEeye · 16/06/2017 13:32

I think that when he gets back from his trip, you really need to discuss spell out healthy boundaries and how she is only to stay if it's pre-arranged.

I think that he is being wholly unreasonable, expecting you to host her this evening because she threw a tantrum! The idea of telling her where is staying, is inspired.

I also think that she purposely left her mobile at your house. In order that you would return it to her and she would then try to manipulate you.

HappyLabrador · 16/06/2017 13:36

Hope you're enjoying your lunch Amber.

You definitely lucked out to find she'd gone shopping..Grin

Are you still planning to be out tonight too, in case she decides to turn up at yours again?

expatinscotland · 16/06/2017 13:45

So your DP prefers to go on the lash rather than come home and entertain his mum who expects to be waited on hand and foot? He just expects you to do it? Nah, I wouldn't, either. I don't even wait on my kids.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/06/2017 13:50

LOL!!! Wonder how she will take the news that she is to be there for another night "at least" ???

While I understand that you're living this Amber, this is pure gold for the rest of us. Hope your pub lunch was tasty (and that you had a glass of beer/wine with it)

Machine1234 · 16/06/2017 13:51

Oh god! My MIL did this once, I got back from the park with ds and as I approached the lobby area of our apartment block I could see a woman in a familiar floral dress sat waiting outside our apartment. It was MIL, I wasn't expecting her and she'd travelled over an hour on the tube to get here. Before she saw me I turned around and legged it back to the park 🙊.

Your MIL sounds like my mine, DH is an only child and watching the way she mollycoddles him makes me want to 🤢

FizzyGreenWater · 16/06/2017 13:54

Ah right then one assumes that DP has ducked the idea of putting his Mum before his night out?

I think that along with the 'ultimatum' he gave you about your sis is more than enough to necessitate a little chat about ground rules when it comes to knowing what the other partner's boundaries are and actively being on side.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/06/2017 13:57

But actually quite useful that he's not coming back. You can make yourself scarce this evening to underline the fact that her deciding to ambush you does not and will not make you change existing plans, ever. And if she gets huffy, you could politely point out that you would have had every right to go bananas at coming home to find her having let herself in expecting to stay without even checking if that's ok. However because you are nice, you sorted out a b&b instead of bundling her in her car and telling her to go home.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 16/06/2017 13:57

What I don't understand is why she hasn't just taken herself off home? She must have grasped by know that her surprise trip hasn't worked as you already have plans and that it would be much better to plan a proper visit another time. It's only 2 hours, she could've been home in time for lunch!

RosePrincess87 · 16/06/2017 13:59

*So your DP is spending tonight in a hotel room?

And your MIL is also looking for somewhere to stay that isn't your house.

Andshe likes sharing hotel rooms with your DP...andshe has a rail pass...

I think it's only fair you tell her where your DP is staying. She can be in his hotel room when he gets back from workSURPRISE*

Norman YOU ARE A GENIUS!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 16/06/2017 14:01

Germgirl - what you need is a crisis to get the key back, so if your MIL is in 'popping' distance, turn up on her doorstep today/tomorrow looking panicked - oh MIL, so glad you are in, crisis, I've lost my housekeys! Can I get the spare from you? I'm pretty sure I left them at X's house I was at this morning but she's gone out now and I can't get hold of her. You star, thanks! Then either never return the key or - shame, you couldn't find your keys, had to change the locks, you've given the spare to a neighbour instead, much easier than having to go all the way to her house if you need it again.

Donttouchthethings · 16/06/2017 14:05

Brilliant idea to give her dp's hotel details.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 16/06/2017 14:09

Fizzy - no, the OP just needs to be sympathetic - Yes MIL, terrible shame I can't spend time with you, but if you'd called to arrange the visit beforehand, i'd have made sure I kept the time free for you, but now it's a bit late to change my plans. Obviously, if I knew you were coming, I wouldn't have made any plans, next time call up and we'll make sure we sort out some time for a visit.

Broken record, agree it's terrible that you can't spend any time with her but the reason is that you already have plans because she didn't call you first. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

(My otherwise lovely MIL had 'popping' tendancies when I first move here - moved 25 minute drive from her when heavily pregnant then went on mat leave, after the first 3 times of me not being in when she 'popped by' - giving herself a 50min round journey - she got it that I usually went out with DC1 every day, but if she called me I'd either stay in or if I was close by, come back. Made sure when she was having a little dig about it that I loudly asked DH to program my mobile number in to his Mum's phone so she can always give me a ring to see if I'm free before having "a wasted drive". It worked, I now get a half hour warning of visits)

peukpokicuzo · 16/06/2017 14:12

Hmm I suspect the being out shopping is part of a ruse. It enables her to pop over to see you this evening "so sorry I missed you at lunch" - possibly even having checked out of the b&b and brought her suitcases as obviously she'll conclude you had come to fetch her.

Why can't she just go home though? I assumed the B&B was because there wasn't time for her to get home last night?

AvoidingCallenetics · 16/06/2017 14:12

I would be tempted to change the locks - after the holiday thing, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find she's had a key cut! I don't know how some people get to point where they are so clueless about what is normal behaviour.

AvoidingCallenetics · 16/06/2017 14:14

If dp is home tomorrow, I think she is hanging around so she can over then.

FloofyCat · 16/06/2017 14:28

I said earlier I was amazed that a neighbour would actually hand over a key to someone they had never met and I do stand by that! However, if this happened I would be tempted to pop to neighbours and tell them your house had been burgled, but it didn't look like forced entry and had they seen anyone suspicious, and see their face go pale. Grin

If you are writing a book, feel free to use that Wink

Original poster
AmberStClare · 16/06/2017 14:30

peukpokicuzo she can come over this evening if she wants. I have to go into work and collect some paperwork and may well go out for a meal after with some colleagues. I have the spare keys so she can sit on the doorstep if she wants to.

Apropos of nothing, we are getting a kitten soon. WIBU to call her Fam-a-lam?

OP posts:
Reow · 16/06/2017 14:33

Apropos of nothing, we are getting a kitten soon. WIBU to call her Fam-a-lam?

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVUUUUUUUUU

WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/06/2017 14:33

If you don't go for a meal with your colleagues, go to the cinema. You have to turn off your mobile phone there so you'll be out of contact if she wants to try to get hold of you.

Reow · 16/06/2017 14:33

(MIL sounds like a dick BTW Flowers)

expatinscotland · 16/06/2017 14:34

Why doesn't she go home? Your DP needs to grow a spine. But he won't. This will be the rest of your life. Can't believe he chose his night out over her, just expected you to suck it up.

Original poster
AmberStClare · 16/06/2017 14:39

Cinema, what a good idea. Was thinking of going to see My Cousin Rachel sometime so tonight will be the night.

OP posts:
TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 16/06/2017 14:40

you should have got a little picnic together and blagged your way into her B&B room to wait for her!

RiversrunWoodville · 16/06/2017 14:42

Tondelaya that really made me laugh, genius!

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