Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to have a secret stash of money from DH?

96 replies

AnAngelWithin · 20/03/2007 12:43

Since DH has got his new job and we have got money sorted, I have been trying to put a bit away each week. I am not planning on using the money for anything in particular, especially nothing for myself but DH is dreadful with money and if he knows we have any spare he goes and blows it on stuff for him and his bike/car/bloke stuff etc. I was thinking of saving the money hopefully for our first family holiday together? I told my friend about this and she thinks I am being deceitful hiding HIS money. If I went and booked a holiday I am just hoping that DH wouldn't see it as that I have been lying to him.

OP posts:

saadia · 20/03/2007 12:45

I think a lot of women do this.

Wallace · 20/03/2007 12:47

Are you married to my dh?

I do the same. I put a certain amount of money in a savings account each month when we get money in. I usually use it as an emergency fund, and it is usually nearly empty by the end of the month

TheBlonde · 20/03/2007 12:48

Seems completely sensible to me

hana · 20/03/2007 12:48

I really don't get this my money, his money sort of thing. I'd be open about it and set up a regular savings account. Deception and hiding things can't be good for any relationship, can they?

Wallace · 20/03/2007 12:55

Oh and all the money in our house is my money

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 20/03/2007 13:02

im not being deceptive. at the end of the day if he knows there is money anywhere he will want it to spend on something. i just thought that if i had something to fall back on if anything went wrong etc? i dont know. maybe i am wrong

OP posts:

Kif · 20/03/2007 13:02

normal!

I knew someone who had a flat her dh didn't know about (admitedly he had problems)

NormaStanleyFletcher · 20/03/2007 13:04

Completely normal and reasonable and sensible imho

beckybrastraps · 20/03/2007 13:05

How would you feel if you found out he had a secret savings account?

raspberryberet · 20/03/2007 13:06

Wouldn't it be better to talk about his wanton spending and get him to agree to save for a holiday, rather than having to sneak around behind his back? Otherwise the spending doesn't get sorted, he thinks it's OK to waste money on rubbish, and you will spend years trying to scrape together money for holidays, rather than working between the two of you to save for them?

Kif · 20/03/2007 13:06

Depends if it's funding the mistress!

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 20/03/2007 13:09

he has has secret savings in the past and i didnt mind. At the end of the day you have to save for the things you want don't you? we have had severe money difficulties in the past and his spending resulted in both him and me being made bankrupt.

OP posts:

SHOSHAlee · 20/03/2007 13:10

my dh is crap with money, knows it to so hands over everything to me. (we both work) take some towards bills, car petrol etc. , give him back what is a reasonable amount and save the rest, he has no idea how much I take to save, but always knows in a emergency I have the money to cover things, works for us.

rosie76 · 20/03/2007 13:10

I'd love to find out my DH has a secret fund he was planning to spend on us all. It can't be wrong if it's for the family.

octopussyintummy · 20/03/2007 13:16

I'm crap at saving and my dh does it all - although do have an ISA as a pension back up. I'm quite happy because if I was in charge we would be bankrupt!

I don't think there is anything wrong with you putting money aside for a holiday.

UnquietDad · 20/03/2007 13:19

This seems a bit to me. Especially if it's money HE has earned.

But even if it's siphoned off from a job of your own, why hide it?

How would you feel if he had a secret stash? Nothing wrong with you having one joint account and separate ones each for treats, presents, contingency etc - but why not be open about it?

DominiConnor · 20/03/2007 13:20

I certainly would not take it well.
Upon our marriage, my account (the one with the money in it), was made joint, and DW was made a director of the company I owned and a signatory on it's account.
If you can't do money together, then something is really wrong. If you can't trust someone like that, I fail to understand why you would marry them at all.

raspberryberet · 20/03/2007 13:24

If his spending has caused trouble for you before then you should definitely be dealing with his spending habits, not just stashing money away yourself.

You're quite right that you have to save for the things you want. But you doesn't just mean you alone, it means you and him as well. He has to learn how to handle money, and just squirrelling it away doesn't address that problem at all.

HappyDaddy · 20/03/2007 13:27

My problem isn't so much that I spend a lot, but I'm rubbish at keeping track of it. DW is going to have my cash card and give me money to spend on lunches and stuff. Otherwise I'll always forget about one bill or another and I'll be in deep shit.

Much easier, this way.

ellceeell · 20/03/2007 13:28

I've always had a bit of a secret stash. dh is vaguely aware of it and refers to it as my "running away money". It has come in useful to bail us out a couple of times, although over the years it has varied between a couple of hundred pounds and as little as a tenner - I won't get far on that, will I?
dh and I have been together for over 25 years.

Original poster

AnAngelWithin · 20/03/2007 13:28

but surely the fact that i am saving money IS taking control of his spending habits?? we have a joint account. I cannot open any other kind of account on my own because of the bankruptcy. so all our money including HIS wages are paid into there.

uniquetdad i take it you have your money and your dw/dp has hers then judging by your opinion??

OP posts:

raspberryberet · 20/03/2007 13:32

HE has to take control of it, though, not you. Otherwise he will never change his ways, and it's going to be a life-long problem for you both.

He's a grown up, he has to take responsibility for his actions.

octopussyintummy · 20/03/2007 13:33

We have never had joint accounts and are both quite happy with it - he pays all the bills, does all the saving and I deal with the housekeeping )most of which he gives me!) I think of one of you is better with money than the other then it is a good idea for someone to be in control. Dh buys whatever he wants and I tend to buy whatever I want within a budget - bigger things he pays for e.g. holidays, cars etc.

If I managed to save anything he would be very impressed - a suprise holiday may send him into shock! (happy shock)

HappyDaddy · 20/03/2007 13:33

I can see why you'd do the secret thing if he'd make a big thing about it or just spend it all.

Otherwise it should be agreed between you.

kimi · 20/03/2007 13:43

I think your doing something great that the whole family can enjoy, keep going.

Flip

1 2 3 4