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To want to leave my job because of my bitchy colleague?

92 replies

Weedgarden · 14/06/2017 10:45

I started my dream office job 8 months and I absolute love the job. The problem is there's a woman there that took an instant dislike to me. No particular reason - when asked by other colleagues why she doesn't like me she says "I just don't like her". This makes things very awkward in the office and I often catch her making faces when I say something.

Anyway, the office tradition is that when it's someone's birthday everyone is invited from the office for a meal and drinks so at the weekend it was my birthday. I invited everyone including mrs bitchy and didn't hear back from her.

I thought enough was enough so I approached her one morning last week and said I felt there was animosity between us, I wasn't sure why but can we just bury the hatchet and try to get along. Her response was that there was no problem or animosity and made me feel abit stupid for suggesting that.

A friend of mine saw on Facebook that Mrs bitchy had put a status up on the Saturday night (she didn't come to my birthday meal) saying something like "Don't invite me to your shitty birthday meal because I won't come. I will be civil because my mum raised me right ✌🏻" It was deleted by the next morning.

I raised it with my office manager who said as it was outside of work and she didn't name me she can't really do much about it. I've taken today off sick because I just don't want to face her.

AIBU to just leave the job I love?

OP posts:
Somerford · 14/06/2017 10:50

That sounds awful, I am of a mind to say that you should just ignore her but it's a very difficult thing to ignore. How long as she worked there and what is the likelihood of her moving on? Any prospect of either of you being transferred into different departments to create a bit of distance?

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 14/06/2017 10:51

I don't think you should leave but YANBU to find it upsetting.

On the plus side she's shown her true colours to everyone, including the manager, so everyone will be aware she's the one creating problems not you.

If you can manage to ignore her and get on with the job you love you'll have the bonus of totally pissing her off. Worth staying just for that reason alone!

I bet you are not the only one she's behaved like this to, and if the others are friendly and came to your birthday meal then hopefully she'll be the one who suffers in the long run.

Enjoy your job - you sound lovely inviting everyone out and I'm glad most of them came!

sourgrapes28 · 14/06/2017 10:53

Not a chance in hell would I leave, in fact I would probably go into work with a very passive aggressive comment along the lines of " people who air their dirty laundry on social media clearly haven't been brought up correctly " but I'm a bitch so ......Grin

UserLotsOfNumbers · 14/06/2017 10:55

If it's affecting you in work, I think the manager should be having a word.
This isn't just about the FB status though, it's about petty behaviour in work, making faces etc, and the manager is being very weak if they're allowing another member of staff to behave like this without being pulled up about it.
Don't leave though.

Weedgarden · 14/06/2017 10:55

She's been there 15 years, she's a lot older than me she's in her 50's and I'm in my 20's which is why I find her quite intimidating.

I just find it so hard when someone asks me how my weekend was and I can clearly see her pulling faces when I talk I find myself just saying "fine" now rather than going into detail

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 14/06/2017 10:57

Start writing down things NOW, and then you have a case to raise an issue with management about workplace bullying. Because that is what it is.

I very much doubt in 15 years this is the first time it has happened.

OhHolyJesus · 14/06/2017 10:59

Don't leave if you love it - rise above it.

Stanstan · 14/06/2017 10:59

Don't give a shit. You do so fake not giving a shit. Buy a new outfit put more puppy on than usual. Tell a few jokes, take in a cake, be kind to people and funny and just occasionally ask them if she is 'ok'
Arrange nights out - if your collegeues are nice they will be lovely with you an so she will be more isolated. If not ten did them all.

I had a bitchy collegue like that - she left ten months after I came;)

kaytee87 · 14/06/2017 10:59

She's in her 50s and she's writing stuff like that on fb πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Jesus you've got to feel a bit sorry for her. She sounds pathetic!

Go into work with your head held high. Your manager is wrong not to have a word. Do you have an hr department?

Stanstan · 14/06/2017 11:00

More puppy?!? I meant lippy!

TurnipCake · 14/06/2017 11:01

It sounds like management are probably intimidated by her too, which can happen if they've been there as long as the furniture

To behave like that in your 50s however, sad.

RatherBeRiding · 14/06/2017 11:03

Yes YWBU to leave your dream job because of one unpleasant colleague!

Other colleagues and your manager are all aware of her being a problem and of her unreasonable behaviour.

If it were me I'd take the bull by the horns - if you catch her making a face when you say something, stop, back up and call her on it (but nicely and politely!) "Is there something you didn't like/something you disagree with/something you find amusing about that remark, Bitch Colleague?" with a big smile on your face. She will look a twat, other colleagues will see her looking a twat, and you will have the moral high ground and the satisfaction of knowing that SHE knows you're not bothered by her bitchiness.

I would also make a point of addressing her exactly the same as you address all your other colleagues - Good morning, See you tomorrow, does anyone want a drink while I'm making one etc etc. with a big smile. If you ask about other colleague's weekends, ask about hers too. Let her make herself look bitchy and stupid whilst you look like a pleasant and reasonable person!

pinkpopsicle · 14/06/2017 11:03

What a nasty piece of work. Sorry you're having to deal with her shit.

I think it would be a shame to leave your dream job because of someone else. You've presumably worked very hard to get where you want to be and giving that up because of her seems so unjust.

Easier said than done, but I think I would just try and get on with it. I've had hostile co-workers in the past (again for no reason, what's the deal with that?!) and found that being confident and of course "killing with kindness" makes them pipe down. Make the most of the friendships you have with other colleagues too.

It's worth noting that although your manager was unhelpful, her behaviour can't be going unnoticed by other people? If I saw someone making faces and posting immature statuses, I would definitely think them a twat.

Of course your happiness is top priority, so if you feel like you really can't carry this on then do what you have to do. Sending love Flowers

Raffles1981 · 14/06/2017 11:03

I had the same issue when I was in my 20's, with a woman about the same age as your office bitch. I left after three months, I just could not take the bitchy looks, the stares I got whenever I said something (work related or not) and she really wore me down. When I left, the boss asked me why I was leaving so soon and I told him the truth. It was a small office environment and I could not take her hatred of me that came from nowhere. I would say, don't leave - do not give her the satisfaction. I would say speak to your boss again, talk through all the little things that have happened - she is bullying you, plain and simple. If they are not willing to tackle it, get some outside advice. I know it is incredibly hard to deal with, but people like her need to realise that they cannot just hate someone on sight and then make their lives hell. I am 36 this summer and I wish I had stood up for myself more. You have to do what is right for you my lovely, but the support should be there. x

TurnipCake · 14/06/2017 11:06

But yeah, time to put the battle paint on and do as much as you can to piss her off.

Saccharine bright and cheerful, "Good morning [dickhead]" to her face. Talk as much as you can to piss her off. She makes a face? Good! Means you're taking up room in her head. Kill with kindness, "Oh [dickhead] so sorry you werent at my birthday the other night, it was wonderful!"

It works Wink

hellobonjour · 14/06/2017 11:07

Omg don't leave! She's a knob. Just ignore her and carry on. Hard at first but it will get easier and it will annoy the living shit out of her

GinSwigmore · 14/06/2017 11:07

YABU for playing into her hands by throwing a sickie.
Go into work head held high.
Be pleasant to everyone.
Only speak to her when you have to, even then monosyllabically, she is dead to you.
Log everything, all nonverbal gestures, snide comments etc so you have a trial.
She is threatened by you or jealous or bitter or just someone who clearly has not been brought up properly.
The other alternative is to be pleasant to everyone and particularly nice to her but in such a way she knows it is sarcastic but can do fuck all about it... but I would just go ice princess on her.

GinSwigmore · 14/06/2017 11:09


SheSaidHeSaid · 14/06/2017 11:10

Don't leave your job!

Try the nice nice approach with her, make her look like the complete dick that she is.

Keep a record of her nasty bullying ways and make sure managers are kept informed. They should stress anything that's happening at work and in my book she's bullying you in the workplace.

AnnetteCurtains · 14/06/2017 11:10

I'd be asking her why she's pulling silly faces behind my back
She's not 6

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 14/06/2017 11:10

All due respect, but I think you will be best served here by toughening up a bit. So she makes faces - that's unpleasant, but she's only making herself look like a tit. And honestly, it's not on your manager to police your colleague's face. Is she being obstructive over work tasks? Blocking your ability to get your work done? That is absolutely a work problem you should take to your manager. But otherwise, it's between the two of you. I work with a woman who doesn't like me and has made no bones about it. But we can work together on things if necessary, so I roll my eyes and leave her to it.

Like a PP says, call her on it if she's making stupid faces. 'Is there something bothering you, Mrs Bitch?' Make it into a game with yourself. Find the humour in the fact that she's sat there in a cloud of misery while you gleefully go on being good at your job and having a good life. She's being ridiculous, so laugh at her.

Weedgarden · 14/06/2017 11:12

Her husband and children are extremely pleasant and will often say hello if I see them dropping her off or picking her up. I just don't understand what her issue is, it's wearing me down

OP posts:
Kokusai · 14/06/2017 11:12

Keep a diary of snide remarks, pulled faces etc.
Be completely nice to everyone including her.
Call her out in an assertive but non confrontational way, like @RatherBeRiding suggests.

BandeauSally · 14/06/2017 11:14

Ohhh! She has a real issue doesn't she? I wonder what has put her off you in such a strong way. Probably jealousy over something.

In your shoes I would kill her with kindness. Just be super nice to her all the time, especially infront of colleagues and managers. She will give herself away eventually when she explodes with frustration Grin

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2017 11:14

You really need to say, every time she pulls a face, "Why is it that every time I speak, you pull a face like that?" She will argue she's done nothing, but just say, "We can all see you doing it!"

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