To want to leave my job because of my bitchy colleague?

[Weedgarden]

I started my dream office job 8 months and I absolute love the job. The problem is there's a woman there that took an instant dislike to me. No particular reason - when asked by other colleagues why she doesn't like me she says "I just don't like her". This makes things very awkward in the office and I often catch her making faces when I say something.

Anyway, the office tradition is that when it's someone's birthday everyone is invited from the office for a meal and drinks so at the weekend it was my birthday. I invited everyone including mrs bitchy and didn't hear back from her.

I thought enough was enough so I approached her one morning last week and said I felt there was animosity between us, I wasn't sure why but can we just bury the hatchet and try to get along. Her response was that there was no problem or animosity and made me feel abit stupid for suggesting that.

A friend of mine saw on Facebook that Mrs bitchy had put a status up on the Saturday night (she didn't come to my birthday meal) saying something like "Don't invite me to your shitty birthday meal because I won't come. I will be civil because my mum raised me right ✌🏻" It was deleted by the next morning.

I raised it with my office manager who said as it was outside of work and she didn't name me she can't really do much about it. I've taken today off sick because I just don't want to face her.

AIBU to just leave the job I love?

I wouldn't go ice princess at all actually because by doing that it could look to others like there's a problem with BOTH of you. As long as you're civil / pleasant to her and she's a total bitch to you, it will be plain and clear for all to see that it's HER with the problem, not you.

I really feel for you. She sounds like a nightmare and I've had a work colleague wear me down with snippy comments for fucking ages before I eventually snapped and told her to grow the fuck up. I just wanted to keep the peace so I let her treat me like utter shit. She was vile and I wish I'd had the guts to stick up for myself sooner. Go into work, be as nice as you possibly can, perform well and keep a record of everything she does.

My guess is that she somehow feels threatened by you. Well tough shit, she will need to learn how to swallow her feelings and play nice from now on. Come back to rant on here if you need to let off steam. It can be so draining dealing with this kind of shit. xx

You often get people like this. It's hard when you have to spend 7 hours a day with the same people. Stand your ground. Build relationships with others around you as though she's not there. Do your job really well. Eventually, she'll back down.

Your manager now knows there's an issue. They will be keeping an eye out.

As you build relationships with others and they get to like you more and more, she will have less opportunity to be so nasty.

If the whole environment were toxic I would say leave. But it doesn't sound like that is the case. It's one bully.

Make sure you get plenty of time to relax, exercise etc. It enables you to feel stronger, less as though this is a big thing. She has a problem, you don't. Keep professional and carry on.

She's in her 50's and acting like that? God, what a sad cow! Every time she says something bitchy just laugh in her face and shake your head slightly. If she thinks it's not getting to you it will either infuriate her or cause her to say something REALLY nasty which will cause a disciplinary. I don't even know why you bothered to make the effort tbh.

Yeah I'd also go down the route of bring just as pleasant to her as everyone else - be the bigger person here. Absolutely do not quit your dream job because of one immature colleague! Just ignore her unless she's obstructing your work, in which case ask your manager for advice.

In fact, here's a conversation opener for next time you see her - 'Oh by the way, I think you know my friend Betty? Yeah she showed me your fb profile on Saturday to check if I worked with you. Isn't that funny?! How do you know her?'

Write it all down, this is bullying. I wouldn't confront her again (I never do as I've learned with people they always deny it and leave you feeling daft).

If she's making faces, as hard as it is just ignore her. I know, it's rubbish but keep it all documented then go to your boss.

Haven't you blocked her on Facebook? I wouldn't want her seeing anything I had to say there.

In my first job there was a woman who took an instant dislike to me. I was 17 and she was in her 30's and had been working there around 12 years. She just hated me. She was quite a bully to everyone in general and would do a lot of red faced screaming when she was stressed. I have no idea why our manager didn't address it. I had no idea how to deal with it. If it happened now I wouldn't have no problem calling her out on it but back then I was clueless and was terrified of her having me sacked.

Keep track of every incident. write them all down. Then speak to your manager. She must have noticed what's been happening and she needs to step up and deal with it.

I'm not sure she's understood the meaning of the word "civil", really.

The way you were describing what she does/says, I was expecting some teenage intern who feels threatened or something, but to behave like a school age bitch in your 50s for Christ's sake - it's nasty AND pathetic. I almost feel sorry for the woman - imagine going through your whole life being so angry, miserable, twisted up and hard-of-thinking?

Kill her with kindness. If you see her making faces, nod her way and laugh saying, oh X is making faces that's a bit silly.

I can relate, try to work on changing your view on her reactions to things, aim to not let it bother you and she's being childish, so just laugh back.

Re Facebook comments, don't ask about them, and stop people from telling you. Don't have current colleagues on FB.

If it really is a dream job don't leave it, she's envious about something, if you move jobs you may find 2 people like that.

Stand your ground. Build relationships with others around you as though she's not there. Do your job really well

This is really good advice.

I know it's hard to work with toxic people in offices, though. But if you can stand it, just be friendly and civil with her at all times. Imagine how much energy it takes to be such an bitch to you all the time. That's her choice.

Having said all that, I once left a job due to two bullying colleagues. One blanked me from day one and the other started out friendly and then turned on me (needless to say, these two were pals). It really started to make me miserable and that was the point I knew I needed to get a new job.

I wouldn't kill her with kindness. I would speak civilly to her but that's it.

1. Block her on FB. You have no obligation to be "friends" on SM or even see what she posts.

1. Definitely kill her with kindness or at the very least, unfailing civility.

1. Yes, make written notes of any nastiness within the workplace.

I sympathise - I had to work with a woman like this for almost 10 years. Looking back now I wish I'd been more assertive. I had just reached the end of my tether and decided I could not tolerate her for any longer when she handed in her notice and buggered off to another job. After that things were lovely and her replacement became one of my best friends.

Because I was young and suffering from depression I assumed it was me. It wasn't. Don't let this bitch push you out of your job. Be firm but civil and make friends with other colleagues.

In the past I've done ice princess but tbh it takes too much fucking energy. I have someone I a job I joined in Jan, she doesn't like that I've waltzed in and taken the lead on a high profile project (tough luck mutha!) and is bloody rude in emails and keeps meddling in the programme. I'm doing the kill with kindness. I imagine it must be so frustrating to literally get no reaction to deliberate bitchiness. It's bloody hard, sometimes I have to go for a quick walk to restrain myself from firing off a scathing reply.

If you are super nice, and fun with everyone she will just make herself stand out like a sore thumb. It's good that your colleagues haven't been cowed doen by her attitude, I was completely isolated by one of these serial bullies I once worked with and it affected my MH severely.

I would diarise everything tho, and screenshot any other shit she posts.
What a cow (insult to cows)

I completely sympathise, OP, as I left myself from a job because of a bitchy woman. Well, the fact that I hated the job counted too.

I wish I didn't now. I wish I just stayed there & stood my ground. Stand your ground, ignore the bitch. You LOVE your job, do you have any idea how rare this is?

I have someone at work who is a total psycho and I ignore her or kill her with kindness but my god it's wearying and I don't know if she even notices

management don't deal with her either, cos they are crap

Thinking of you, in this horrible situation. Definitely, dont leave your dream job. She sounds like a right bitch. It sounds like she is jealous of you, it could be your age or looks. As they say, what goes around , comes around. Karma's a bitch, as the saying goes. I strongly believe in that.

Eh, this type seems to work in every office in the country. Ignore the faces and FB, and kill her with kindness. And revel in the fact that not a lot of your colleagues like her either, they're just afraid of her. My workplace bully likes to flag things up that I did wrong in front of my boss. But hey, I love the job so here I sit, 8 years later! She's just jealous and bitter. Her problem, not mine. And that should be your attitude too.

Please don't let this passive aggressive bully drive you out of a job. Grit your teeth, don't rise to it, be nice, in fact be really nice that'll wind her up!

As PP have said keep notes of anything she does, but she sounds sly, she won't do much to your face. Actually you know what, next time a colleague says about something she's said about you tell them it's hurtful to be told things like that and why are they telling you and not a manager?

If she's in her 50's and your in 20's, and she's taken a dislike to you for no reason I'd say she was jealous of you.

You know what, OP? Life's too short.

It's not fair, it really isn't, and yes, everybody can see what your colleague is like. But clearly no one is going out of their way to put her in her place. Life is just too short to deal with all this drama all the time.

Take your time looking for another job, but I would leave if I were you.

Agree what everyone else has said, walk in with your head held high, don't feel intimidated, take pity on her, be kind, smile and just feel sorry for the bloody woman!

No advice OP, but just wanted to say, I feel you. I knxow exactly how it feels. It's not as easy as "killing with kindness", with people like this it doesn't work.

I would talk to your manager and ask to be moved as far from her as possible. In the end I left my job. It just wasn't worth it. I hope you can stick it out though. x

This is bullying, pure and simple. In a 50 year old wife man it's just pathetic. Write every incident down, alert your manager to the fact that you feel she is bullying you, and make sure you remain pleasant and calm towards her at all time. Some people are just dicks, but when they're being a dick to you it's unpleasant.

Wife man? I mean woman!