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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is effing well grown up enough...

87 replies

MissCommunication · 13/06/2017 18:38

...to remember his house key? This has been a real issue in the past and it has been better recently but this is the second night in a row that he has forgotten his key. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT???? I was upstairs dealing with a nappy and scratchy tired baby. DS had been REALLY tricky with supper so I just quietly took it away and binned it. So I wasn't exactly in a mind to greet him with a fucking fanfare. I was annoyed but just answered the door. Didn't really smile. He said you seem annoyed and upset. I said just annoyed not upset. He says what's the big issue I just forgot my key. I just said ok. Not in mood to make a thing of it. BUT HE'S 46 YEARS OLD. And there's a key safe...if he's taken the key on another forgetting occasion and not put it back then he's a twunt of the first order. Am I being a cow? He's done it so often now and sometimes he rings and rings and it's not always easy to get to the door (I'm breastfeeding or getting kids to sleep or on the loo etc etc blah fucking BASTARDING blah).

"That's a nice welcome", he said.

OP posts:
ny20005 · 13/06/2017 18:49

I think I'd leave him out there for a least 10 mins, maybe longer if it was raining ! He might not forget his key again lol

offblackeggshell · 13/06/2017 18:51

I'm pretty sure a couple of 20 minute waits while you finish what you are doing would make him see sense. I was going to suggest a key safe, but he clearly needs some tough love.

notanevilstepmother · 13/06/2017 18:54

As a one off it's ok, but he isn't a teenager. I'd be annoyed with teenage DD if she did this (she doesn't generally) so YANBU.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 13/06/2017 18:55

YANBU. I have low tolerance for people who make the same mistakes over and over and don't learn from it. As you say, he's 46, he should have got the hang of remembering his door key by now.

stella23 · 13/06/2017 18:57

Yanbu at all, my stbxp did this all the time, then somehow I was the one causing the problems by not welcoming him with open arms. It used to really piss me off, and in the long run it made me resentful.

Mrsmadevans · 13/06/2017 18:58

Do you think there is something wrong with his memory OP?

ChipInTheSugar · 13/06/2017 19:18

Oh god, my 52yo boyfriend does this. Drives me up the fucking wall. Also forgets to pick up his wallet/phone. How the fuck has he got to that age and STILL can't "adult" properly?! Also doesn't tie his laces properly so they are forever coming undone AngryAngry

paddlenorapaddle · 13/06/2017 19:40

Disconnect the bell next time and the phone enjoy the peace

EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 13/06/2017 19:41

Tell him to put it in his shoes. That way he can't forget to take it.

BeepBeepMOVE · 13/06/2017 19:47

YABU!

You are in the house, not like you had to come home from anywhere. Hardly that bloody difficult to answer the door!

Offherhead · 13/06/2017 19:49

Clearly he needs it on a shoelace around his neck as I did as a latch key kid many years ago.

CleanHankie · 13/06/2017 19:53

My mother appeared at my front door the other day asking to borrow her spare key as she'd forgotten to pick up her own keys.

She's 65 and this isn't the first time! I did lecture her on being old enough and responsible enough to remember her front door key.
I see it as laziness as she's usually out with Dad and presumes he has a key.

ToriaPumpkin · 13/06/2017 19:55

YANBU. My DH does this and it does my head in. I've joked about how if we split up I wouldn't need to change the locks as he never takes his keys anywhere anyway. The only reason I haven't surgically attached it to him yet is that he's never actually disturbed me as he hides a key in the garage that he can get to if need be.

mumeeee · 13/06/2017 21:04

Sorry YABU. Some adults do have trouble remembering things like Keys. DD3 went out to help at a toddler group this morning she didn't take the keys but I was happy to let her in

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/06/2017 21:17

My DH rings the bell every evening. One of us will open garage from inside so he can put his bike away. I honestly don't find it a big problem.

VestalVirgin · 14/06/2017 00:01

Sorry YABU. Some adults do have trouble remembering things like Keys.

Pretty sure they'd learn it very fast if they lived alone.

I have trouble remembering pretty much everything, but keys? You learn to compensate forgetfulness when there's no one at home to open the door for you.

Patriciathestripper1 · 14/06/2017 00:07

LTB

FlossyMooToo · 14/06/2017 00:10

I have a house. I expect to be able to enter that house. Threrefore i have a key.
My home. My responsibilty.

Your DH is acting like a child. My preteens manage to have a key and if they dont the accept being locked out.

CheshireSplat · 14/06/2017 00:15

I'm not normally one to bedramatic, but he obviously doesn't realise how fiucking annoying disruptive this interruption is.

Have you told him?

I only ask because DH and I share childcare and I'm sure I annoy him when I come home from a hard day's work, even though mat leave and my day off are harder than any day at work.

He may well think it's not a big deal but have you told him why it is?

Ceto · 14/06/2017 00:36

Cleanhankie, you "lectured" your mother? WTF?

BreconBeBuggered · 14/06/2017 00:41

DH used to do this. Not a big deal if I was staying home, but a total PITA if he'd gone out without his key and I was then trapped at home because otherwise he'd be locked out, the poor lamb.
Let's just say he quickly decided to put the house key on the same keyring as his car key.

winglesspegasus · 14/06/2017 00:48

hat
keys
testicles
specticles

very very old "rhyme for going out the door

Butterymuffin · 14/06/2017 00:51

Take the battery out of the doorbell, put your mobile on silent (so it doesn't disturb DS if he's napping Wink) and act really surprised that he was there for half an hour without you hearing him. Make sure you're just really puzzled rather than angry. He will miraculously get better at remembering the key.

Shadow666 · 14/06/2017 00:53

I know it's not your responsibility to fix this for him, but pinning a check list in very large letters to the back of the front door is very effective for forgetful people. Or attaching the keys to something they definitely won't forget like a bungee cord attached to his wallet.

It's a pain answering the door when putting the kids to bed as you often have to start over again.

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/06/2017 01:02

I'm going against the grain. It's not THAT hard to let someone in when they've been at work all day.

Yes, you're tired too but sweating the small stuff isn't advisable imo.

I was annoyed but just answered the door. Didn't really smile. He said you seem annoyed and upset. I said just annoyed not upset.

This is just...I don't know...a bit sad really. That he recognises you're annoyed before you've even said hello!