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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is effing well grown up enough...

87 replies

MissCommunication · 13/06/2017 18:38

...to remember his house key? This has been a real issue in the past and it has been better recently but this is the second night in a row that he has forgotten his key. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT???? I was upstairs dealing with a nappy and scratchy tired baby. DS had been REALLY tricky with supper so I just quietly took it away and binned it. So I wasn't exactly in a mind to greet him with a fucking fanfare. I was annoyed but just answered the door. Didn't really smile. He said you seem annoyed and upset. I said just annoyed not upset. He says what's the big issue I just forgot my key. I just said ok. Not in mood to make a thing of it. BUT HE'S 46 YEARS OLD. And there's a key safe...if he's taken the key on another forgetting occasion and not put it back then he's a twunt of the first order. Am I being a cow? He's done it so often now and sometimes he rings and rings and it's not always easy to get to the door (I'm breastfeeding or getting kids to sleep or on the loo etc etc blah fucking BASTARDING blah).

"That's a nice welcome", he said.

OP posts:
Ceto · 14/06/2017 08:03

notquiteruralbliss, ever heard of Yale locks?

80sMum · 14/06/2017 08:05

He should keep his house keys on the same keyring as his car key! Surely then he would pick up his keys before going out?

AVY1 · 14/06/2017 08:08

I grew up in a family of key forgetters. Even now I have to regularly drive to let DM or DSis in to their homes. So, knowing how infuriating it is to be made responsible for something that they could just remember, YANBU.

Totally different if someone's popping out and says, 'Will you still be in? Saves me taking my keys...'

Fiona1984 · 14/06/2017 08:16

My partner didn't forget his key, he lost it in his van, ended up tapping on the bedroom window for me to let him in (it was 1am). My phone automatically turns itself to silent at night.

He did find the keys, months later.
His favourite trick is leaving his van keys in his car, and me borrowing it to drive to work and having to drive back.

LBOCS2 · 14/06/2017 08:46

The pp who posted about respect are absolutely right.

It's not a big deal that he leaves his keys at home and is forgetful.

But it becomes a big deal when he expects the OP to drop what she's doing - which could be something like bedtime, which as we know does not take interruptions well - in order to let him in. Because it says that his time and mental energy is more important than hers.

So, he can take his keys or he can wait on the doorstep for you to finish what you're doing before you open the door.

Pipsqueaked · 14/06/2017 09:35

I'm sorry, I disagree with most people here (may well be because I'm a serial key forgetter myself) but I really don't see the issue in taking 2 seconds to open the door. It doesn't warrant petty not opening the door for 20 minuites "punishments" as suggested.

Butterymuffin · 14/06/2017 09:46

Pip It's not 2 seconds though, is it? Not if you're upstairs or putting a child to bed or if they're in the bath. If you had to wait 20 minutes to be let in every time I imagine you'd forget your own keys less.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2017 09:51

The thing is, it doesnt just take the OP 2 seconds to open a door though.

If she is bathing the baby, or doing the bed time routine or feeding or changing she has to stop or rush what she is doing to let him in.

It is completely about a lack of respect. She is at home and whatever she is doing isnt as important as him and his desire to get in the house.

What if she decides to go out? What will he do then?

It gets on my nerves when otherwise capable and organised men (and yes, it is usually men with SAH partners) act like scatty teenagers because they expect their OH's to pull up the slack. But was really fucking pisses me off is people making excuses for their lack of consideration by saying "Oh its no big deal....." and putting the OP down even further.

I would bet that if the OP kept forgetting her key and disturbing her DH at work to bring his down to her, there would be very different answers! Yet how different is that to what he is doing?

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 14/06/2017 09:52

This would drive me insane so YANBU. Can't believe all the posters saying it only takes 2 minutes to answer the door...guess what? It takes even less time to lift your bloody key and put it in your pocket!

Pipsqueaked · 14/06/2017 09:55

I wouldn't leave DC in the bath obviously. It any other situation like when putting them to bed it's easy enough to break away for less than a minute it takes to open the door.

Also, there is a difference between delaying opening the door because you're busy and delaying opening the door to teach someone a lesson. It's making mountains out of molehills.

exexpat · 14/06/2017 09:58

Has this man never lived alone? He can only get away with doing this repeatedly because the OP is there to rescue him. Time he grew up a bit.

MoosicalDaisy · 14/06/2017 10:09

I went through a phase of forgetting my keys, it happens, I guess you can't leave the front door unlocked due to DCs

TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 14/06/2017 10:10

If youre in all the time when he gets home from work, maybe thats why he doesnt see his keys as being superimportant

You're most likely right, and that's the problem here. OP is usually in, so she can let him in, because it doesn't matter if she gets interrupted doing bedtime. What's needed is for him to learn that it does. As other posters have pointed out, bet he doesn't forget things that would cause him actual inconvenience to be without.

WRT people being puzzled that the door is locked, I'm puzzled anyone would be puzzled at that in a house with small children? OP mentions 'kids' and a baby, so I reckon there's a reasonable chance of a toddler. Mine can open unlocked doors. Obviously if you have a big front garden, large locked gate and fence or whatever it might be ok but equally, their front door could open straight out onto the road. Also one house I've lived in, you didn't lock it specifically but there wasn't a way to close the door without locking it, iyswim. It was either open or locked.

StormTreader · 14/06/2017 10:17

You dont need to remember your keys when you have staff to open the door for you, maybe a fetching little doorman outfit is in order.

Seriously, this kind of stuff drives me insane, its one of those "constantly dropping the ball because I know you'll pick it up for me" things. I bet he leaves wet towels and dishes around for you as well.

paxillin · 14/06/2017 10:24

Perhaps just turn off the doorbell during bedtime "because people keep ringing it disturbing DS". Couple of waits until bedtime is finished will fix it.

amusedbush · 14/06/2017 10:25

I see your DH forgetting his key and raise you my DH having his keys but can't be arsed looking for them in his bag. He rings the intercom every time he comes in when I'm home so I have to get up and buzz him in, then go and unlock the front door to let him into the flat.

It drives me mad but he just gives me his what's-the-big-problem eyes and says his keys are at the bottom of his bag. Rahhhh [anger]

Getoutofthatgarden · 14/06/2017 10:37

When/if you're going upstairs to do bathtime etc, why don't you unlock the door so you don't have to come down?

diddl · 14/06/2017 10:48

I agree that it doesn't take a minute to open the door-but it is annoying when you are in the middle of something.

And then he can't see why you're annoyed?

Is he always the victim around whom the fates conspire??

PovertyPain · 14/06/2017 10:49

Silly OP! Did you not have his slippers in your hands and a big smile on your face? After all this is your poor, hard working husband. You're just a silly wife that has nothing better to do, other than clean house, bath children, settle the children, breast feed baby, etc, etc. 😒 You should be prepared, not just prepared, but be happy to drop what you're doing in order to rush to the door and let him in because he can't be arsed to remember his key I bet he always remembers his wallet.

Shadow666 · 14/06/2017 10:51

It any other situation like when putting them to bed it's easy enough to break away for less than a minute it takes to open the door.

When you're breastfeeding? Confused Not with my kids it wasn't.

PovertyPain · 14/06/2017 10:51

Why the fuck are you pandering to this shit, ambused? 😮

Pipsqueaked · 14/06/2017 11:02

I am breastfeeding a 6 month old Shadow I also have a 4 year old. I sometimes have to stop feeding the baby if the 4 year old needs me for a minuite. Equally last night I had to get the 4 year old to wait a minute at bedtime to answer a phone call I had been waiting for all day. It was fine. He sat in bed and talked to his teddies while he waited. Obviously other children might react differently.

My point is to purposely punish the husband by making him wait for no reason is petty and unfair. If you have children who you can't leave and your in the middle of bedtime it's a different matter.

Pipsqueaked · 14/06/2017 11:06

Also I just text DH to see if he minds that I always ring the doorbell (even if I have keys) his response "No. Why would I?? What are you on about?xx" Im not saying his response is the only right one but if OPs DH thinks the same way as me and mine she might need to talk to him to explain why it bothers her.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2017 11:08

Leaving a 4 year old for a minute to look after the baby, or vice versa is part and parcel of being a parent. Answering an urgent phone call is also one of those things that needs to be done.

Answering the door to someone perfectly capable of getting himself in, is not. She isnt his parent, he isnt a 4 year old that needs help wiping his arse (well, saying that....), he just cant be arsed to remember because he relies on her just as the kids do. Which is, as we all know, deeply attractive Hmm

diddl · 14/06/2017 11:11

Why do you always ring the bell when you have keys though, Pip?

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