Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is effing well grown up enough...

87 replies

MissCommunication · 13/06/2017 18:38

...to remember his house key? This has been a real issue in the past and it has been better recently but this is the second night in a row that he has forgotten his key. HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT???? I was upstairs dealing with a nappy and scratchy tired baby. DS had been REALLY tricky with supper so I just quietly took it away and binned it. So I wasn't exactly in a mind to greet him with a fucking fanfare. I was annoyed but just answered the door. Didn't really smile. He said you seem annoyed and upset. I said just annoyed not upset. He says what's the big issue I just forgot my key. I just said ok. Not in mood to make a thing of it. BUT HE'S 46 YEARS OLD. And there's a key safe...if he's taken the key on another forgetting occasion and not put it back then he's a twunt of the first order. Am I being a cow? He's done it so often now and sometimes he rings and rings and it's not always easy to get to the door (I'm breastfeeding or getting kids to sleep or on the loo etc etc blah fucking BASTARDING blah).

"That's a nice welcome", he said.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 14/06/2017 01:11

She's been working too, doing childcare. And it's not that hard to use your key either!

Shadow666 · 14/06/2017 01:13

Oh, come on. Have you never been there where you're tired, have a million things to do, the baby is almost asleep and bing bong the door bell goes? It's really, really annoying.

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/06/2017 01:20

Yes I've been there...but I still think that opening the door for your loved-one isn't that much of a hardship.

Unless there's more to the issue...other things which make something so small seem like a big deal.

paxillin · 14/06/2017 01:23

I'm sure he remembers his oyster or travel card. Otherwise he'd have to go home and pick it up. Wait until convenient to open (not mid-nappy), he'll learn. Go shopping before he is due, a 45 minute wait won't happen more than once or twice.

ExpatTrailingSpouse · 14/06/2017 01:28

Fine, OP could stop what she's doing, potentially muck up the whole bedtime thing with DS, to open door for forgetful DH. Do you think after the snarky remark about not welcoming him home nicely enough because he couldn't be arsed to remember his own housekey, that her DH said, "sorry, i know i've probably interrupted DS' bedtime routine again, can i take over/help?"

OP, i hear you totally.

Shadow666 · 14/06/2017 01:35

I'm sure if it was a one-off or a rare occurrence, the OP wouldn't mind but if it's happening a lot for no good reason then it gets annoying very fast.

Sid98 · 14/06/2017 01:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/06/2017 01:55

As a PP said, I bet he remember his car keys/travel card/work ID etc, but something that he knows the OP will sort out for him doesnt enter his head.

Its not about keys, its about not caring that he is inconveniencing her. I think that you do need to make a bit of a fuss about this. Calmly explain the issue and make it clear that from now on you wont be abandoning bed time to answer the door, so if he forgets his key then he will have to wait. I suspect he will still do it until the time he has to wait half an hour for you to get the door, but should then miraculously manage to remember them.

Also....have reported the spam Wink

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/06/2017 01:57

I would kill him and bury the body under the roses at the bottom of the garden.

SouthWindsWesterly · 14/06/2017 03:16

I lose my keys and phone because I jut put them down. But it's my bloody problem and I'm the one who needs to find them and train myself to put them away. It's a no-brainer.

Tell him that if you're busy with the kids - nappy, BF etc then he can wait on the doorstep. Alternatively, he can put the key in the key safe and double check his pockets before he leaves.

TheMaddHugger · 14/06/2017 03:44

also reported the Spammy Spam

To think DH is effing well grown up enough...
To think DH is effing well grown up enough...
BoomBoomsCousin · 14/06/2017 04:22

Next time the doorbell goes when you're doing stuff, maybe text him: "Are you back yet? The doorbell's just gone and I'm in the middle of X. Why do people come around at such awkward times?"

Then put your phone far out of reach so you can't see his reply until 15 minutes later...

araiwa · 14/06/2017 04:47

I dont really understand why some people deliberately want to make situations worse for no reason. Spitefully ignoring him will just irritate both of you more and make a wholly unneeded mountain out of a molehill.

Opening a door for someone is hardly the end of the world. If youre in all the time when he gets home from work, maybe thats why he doesnt see his keys as being superimportant

MrsOverTheRoad · 14/06/2017 04:55

I just can't get annoyed about this sort of thing. If it's annoying you that much, I'd stick a key under the mat at some point each afternoon/evening.

TheMaddHugger · 14/06/2017 05:27

I understand completely why OP is pissed off.
He has a complete and utter lack of respect for OP what she has to deal with. She already has a very hard life and he is making it that much harder.
And him stood there ringing the doorbell for 20 would make me homicidal

TheMaddHugger · 14/06/2017 05:28

(((((((((Mega Madd Hugs)))))))))))) OP

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2017 05:44

He sounds absentminded. I'd get pissed off too. The key safe is a good idea. Is there a key in the key safe?

GoBigOrange · 14/06/2017 05:49

It is hardly the end of the world, but I imagine it would get really irritating if he does it frequently and then won't even take responsibility for keeping a spare available in a key safe for such occasions. Why on earth can he not use the spare to open the door and then put it straight back like a normal person?

We have a gravel driveway, so I usually hear my DH drive in when he gets home from work, and if I'm not busy I will typically go and open the door to him and unleash the toddler but sometimes I'm in the middle of something and I would be very mildly irked to have to break off what I am doing to let him in because he can't remember something as simple as a key - and my DH isn't even a serial key-forgetter.

I think I would be tempted to start leaving him standing on the doorstep for longer and longer periods until he gets better about remembering.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 14/06/2017 06:10

If he is healthy and not affected by a previous head injury or mental illness that would cause memory loss or confusion, there's no excuse for it. ESPECIALLY if he's forgotten the original key and then used and forgotten to put back a key in a outdoor key safe.

My keys live in my coat pocket, if i use it to open the door i put it straight back in my pocket, and i always make sure it's in my pocket right before i close the front door which auto locks with a yale lock.

Surely everyone does the pocket pat before going out, keys, phone, wallet?

I learnt from when i was in high school when i would very occasionally forget to pick my keys up off the table of a morning. Thankfully my sister only had college 2 days out of five and my gran lives 3 streets away and had a spare, but i had to pop to her house occasionally and it was a pain.

Shadow666 · 14/06/2017 06:39

Some people do genuinely struggle with forgetfulness and disorganisation. I was always losing my keys at home but ended up putting a key bowl in the hall so I am now in the habit of leaving them there.

That's one reason I suggested a check list taped to the inside of the door. Studies have shown that check lists really do help. Another is keeping the often forgotten item with a hard to forget item, such as popping them in his work shoes when he gets home or tying them to his bag. If the key safe is near the door then attach the keys to the inside of the key safe with a bungee cord or write "put it back muppet" on the key is helpful. Little reminders like that helps a lot.

But he should care about the inconvenience and try and fix this himself. You can't fix it for him.

notquiteruralbliss · 14/06/2017 07:26

I'm massively puzzled at the idea of having to let someone in when you are at home. We don't lock doors unless we are all out.

DoubleCarrick · 14/06/2017 07:36

This reminds me of something my FIL once said/did. After DH moved out of their place he brought over the spare key for DH's van. He gave it to me and said "I'll give this to you to look after as he'll probably lose it." I laughed and said "not my responsibility to look after his key"
I was genuinely astounded

saoirse31 · 14/06/2017 07:50

How hard is it to open the door? Think u need to grow up too op

Inertia · 14/06/2017 07:58

It's not hard to open the door, but it's a PITA to have to do it unecessarily when you're breastfeeding a baby, or in the midst of changing a shitty nappy. How hard is it to use a key?

Kokusai · 14/06/2017 08:00

I thought you were going to say he forgets his key and you end up having to do something really annoying like coming home from work to let him in, not walk downstairs and answer the front door.

I don't see this as a massive issue.