Sayings from parents, grandparents or elders

[Cupcake1315]

Just that really.......
No aibu, just wanted to hear some funny sayings......

My nan said to me once, "if you don't know where the grave is, then don't lift up the coffin."

Also when I dumped my bf and I was feeling bad she said, "if duck doesn't leave the pond, then the pond will leave the duck."

Anyone with any to share? If I think of more I will add.

If I said "I thought...." my mum would interject with "do you know what thought did? It followed a muck cart because it thought it was a wedding".

Mum says 'I brought you into this world and I'll take you out of it' when we are been dicks.

Whenever we saw someone behaving like an idiot (usually when driving!) my grandad would say, "you don't half meet them when you're out without your gun."
Still
Makes me smile thinking about it.

When I asked my granny how old she was, she said "as old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth".

Peas above sticks
That Maureen is getting peas above sticks
Ideas above her station

My mum used to say "I'm not so green as I am cabbage looking" when she thought we were trying to pull the wool over her eyes.

These are brilliant!!! I actually started laughing. I hope people keep posting. I've never heard any of those sayings before, I'm always saying I thought, I'll have to be careful now 😂

If you're meant to be hung you'll not be shot.

Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. My grandad when asked something he felt he didn't want to provide an answer for such as what are tampons, not me who asked, honest guv

My grandmother used to say "There's no accounting for taste, said Mrs Murphy as she kissed the cow".

She also said "why have a dog and do your own barking". (i.e. why have children unless you get them to help with chores?)

My mother always said "That will keep the worms quiet" - i.e. this snack will stop you feeling hungry for a while.

"I knew him when he had no arse to his kecks" of someone getting above himself.

My grandmother's west-Indian and has plenty of colourful sayings. My favourite two:

'Monkey know what tree to climb' as in 'she'll fuck off if she knows what's good for her'

'She turn up arms swinging' as in a guest turned up to a party with no offering (deadly sin where she is from).

Not so much a saying but the way she replied when asked the time (Great Gran)

"It's five and twenty past"

It's how her Gran said it and I've always said like that She's not around now and it gives the warm fuzzies whenever I get chance to say it.

"Thanks don't fill your pockets" from my dad has always served me well.

"They've gone off to scratch their wild parts" - my Jewish grandmother says this about people if they're being badly behaved and unreasonable/giving you the cold shoulder. She has a way with words

When we kids picked our noses: 'send a postcard when you've reached the top'

'Don't let the bastards get you down' was a favourite of my grandads

What's for you won't go by you.

Without fail, whenever we were returning home from a trip out, as we pulled into the driveway, my grandad would say "home again, home again, jiggerdy jig". Still makes me smile when I think of it. He passed away in about 1995.

Don't sit me on a horse if you won't let me ride it (said by mother and grandma)

Five from my foul mouthed grandmother:

1. As a teenager I told her a friend of mine had a girlfriend but 'she's dead, dead ugly and spotty' (not that I was jealous or anything)

To which she she responded:

'Well you don't look at the mantle piece when your poking the fire do you?'

2. Any child where the parentage was in question, she'd describe as a 'grudge baby' (as in someone's got in for you)

'Silvia across the street is in the family way again mind you I bet that dopey sod of a husband had nothing to do with it, I've seen the comings and goings when he's on nights. Pound to a penny it's a grudge baby.'

3. A family lived in her street where the man was significantly shorter than his wife and they had an ever expanding brood of kids. Every time the family walked past she'd say. 'Someone's put him up to it again.'

4. When my sister got her first boyfriend, she offered some contraception advice. 'Make sure he gets off the Birmingham train at Aston'

5. any woman with expensive clothes/jewellery or generally spending lavishly she'd say 'bloody hell, where'd you get that get up from? Have you been round the back of Rackham's?' (the back of Rackham's department store in Birmingham being notorious for soliciting). Equally, any large bill, she exclaimed 'Have you seen the phone bill? £150, I'll be round the back of Rackham's to pay for it.'

These are so funny. I know I will be saying some of these, there too funny not too 😂. Thanks everyone.

Not a family one but a saying I first heard from a lady at work that still makes me chuckle. I'd moved up North from Hertfordshire for uni and was still getting used to Yorkshire accents and phrases. I can't remember what I'd said but the response was a classic: At end t' day though love, we all piss in't same pot.

Just thought of a couple more. 'Don't do that, your head'll cave in'- my mum whenever we picked our nose.
Also 'The wind will change and your face will stay like it'- another one of my mums if I any of us were pulling a silly/grumpy face.
One if my MiL's- 'You'll be better when you're married' - any time you say you feel unwelll, something hurts etc. (e.g. "I've got a bit of a headache", "Ah, you'll be better when you're married").