Sayings from parents, grandparents or elders

[Cupcake1315]

Just that really.......
No aibu, just wanted to hear some funny sayings......

My nan said to me once, "if you don't know where the grave is, then don't lift up the coffin."

Also when I dumped my bf and I was feeling bad she said, "if duck doesn't leave the pond, then the pond will leave the duck."

Anyone with any to share? If I think of more I will add.

'He just doesn't have the wit to stiffen' said of elderly folk at deaths door... not the most pleasant but always stuck with me a s strangely pragmatic!

My family say most of these, "home again home again jiggidy jig" is from a nursery rhyme, one of the ones where you are sat on an adults knee, and they do a horse trotting motion.

My granny woykd describe someobe as beibg "as civil as a hoor at a christening" if she liked them. If she didnt like them they were "as hard as a hoor's heart". *hoor being whore of course.

I looked after an old nun and when she was in church and it was time for 'Amen' she shouted really loudly 'Amen! Crackapen! Round the church and back again!' Every time 😂😂😂

When having a quick bath as kids, mum would say "Come on, in and out quick like a bunny".

It wasn't until I was an adult that I really thought about what it meant. I questioned mum and she hadn't thought about it and was horrified. Her mum had said it to her as well...😝

I know it's not the same kind of saying but it used to crack me up each time she did it!

My own mother told us, referring to men, 'Always try the shoe on to make sure it fits before you buy it.'

My nan used to say "bloody sands and beaches" instead of properly swearing

Dad
"Blackpool illuminations wants its lights back" (TURN THE SODDING LIGHTS OFF)
"Hang that pelmet back up once you've finished wearing it"
"Smells like a brothel in here" (too much perfume or after a bath)
"One of sand, two of cement?" (In reply to I'm going getting ready)
"Standing there like piffy on a rock bun"
"You make a better door than a window"
"Because Y isn't a Z"

Two more for my grandmother:

1. about her brother in law who was no great shakes in the looks department

'I've got nothing against folk being ugly, but your great uncle Joe is abusing the privilege'

2. When seeing one of her cronies had got some new large and gleaming white dentures.

'She's looks like she was left them in Red Rum's will'

From my grandfather this time, he was a lifelong socialist and republican and his pronouncements were of a more philosophical bent.

1. Never cross a picket line and never hit a woman.

2. ,shake hands with any man, but bend your bloody knee before no one.

3. He did come up with one corker though. My mother had taken him to a distant relatives funeral and after the cremation, my mother enquired if he wanted to go home. 'Home? There's no point carting me back home at my age. Save the herse driver a job and leave me here.'

'All fur coat and nae knickers.' - my great aunt's damning assessment of almost everyone she doesn't like the look of. Which is almost everyone.

If we ever said we 'wanted' something, like 'I want an ice-cream,' my Granny would say 'I want doesn't get.' It used to infuriate me but I now find myself saying it to DS and he's pretty good at saying 'I would like/ could I have...' and adding 'please' to all requests. So it clearly works.

Stop standing there like a knotless thread!
(Someone not helping)

You're of use to neither man nor beast
(Still not helping)

You're a lazy sluch
(Yep...still of no help)

All from my granny!

its not the cough that carries you off its the coffin they carry you off in. father in laws favourite it seems.

My mum when complaining about going up and down the stairs.

'I've been up and down more times than a pair of whore's drawers'

Or when accusing my father of being lazy.

'he only stands up to take the weight off his arse for five minutes.'

Peel your orange, we're off!

Said by my great grandfather at the start of any car journey.

My dad's:
I've been up and down like the Lodger's nightshirt
I'll bet you a pound to a pinch of shit
Kicking the ends out of the couch (having a good time)
On the pig's back (doing well £)

DH has started saying my dad's old favorite "take you anywhere twice, the second time to apologise"

I'm from Lancashire and there are about a million little sayings that are handed down. But yesterday would have been my Grandads 80th birthday (he sadly died in February this year) so I'll share his favourite from his National Service- "Yer can't means yer won't, and yer won't means 14 days in't glass 'ouse".

My great granny - G B X O instead of cursing. I use this one now so I don't curse infront of my kids lmao
My Granda - You may be a pane but your not made of glass (you're blocking the tv) I also say this one to my kids now
My stepdad - don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining (stop lying to me) I'll keep this one for when they are older

My husbands family describes someone that loves themselves as 'he thinks he's chocolate'.
And my Nanny, when I was older and referring to contraceptive advice 'use something, so if you get drunk at a party it's only the one mistake you make', and on being single 'don't be alone, my love, don't be lonely, but don't go being the village bike either'. She's wonderful.

Brown boots and no breakfast and red hat no knickers - both for people who are flashy but it's all show.

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking.

Well I go to Elland/t' foot of stairs.

Always wear a bra in bed, make 'em fight for it.

You've got to eat a peck of dirt before you die.

Get it spent, they don't put pockets in shrouds.

If we ever asked why we couldn't have something, 'because I say so'

He thinks he's something above muck.

From my lovely colourful Grandma :-

If an item of food (bread etc) had gone hard or a particularly hard question on her much loved favourite quiz shows, she'd say "Ooh it's as hard as a tramps knacker"

Another favourite was "It's as flat as a witches tit" God knows where she got these sayings from, but she was bloody fabulous and I miss her lots.

We were raised by my very strict Nan. Whenever we were naughty she would say
"I'll tan yer arse so 'ard, yer ears will still be ringing next Tuesday"

One that has become a family classic from my long deceased grandmother.
When observing a very elderly bent over person struggling to walk she would say "poor thing he / she is calling for the earth"
ie death is close / almost in the grave

Not sure if it's been mentioned yet but "fur coat and no knickers"

Do you think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat?

I'm not zipped up the back.