DH announced pregnancy to family (without me).

[Merlanguis]

I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first. Not planned but it's very wanted & we're both excited about it.

I am very close to my family and also have a good relationship with my in laws. This will be the first grandchild for my PIL. My MIL is particularly keen for grandkids.

Essentially, I didn't want to announce the the pregnancy to any family until after the first scan. I also felt it was important to do it in person & I wanted to see people's reactions. DH thought this was slight overkill and a phone call would do but had agreed. I have had to tell a couple of people about the pregnancy but for practical reasons. Firstly, some people at work due to bad morning sickness and a friend as I was being fitted for a bridesmaids dress.

I'm really close to my sister and mother and I have been tempted on many occasions to spill the beans as I have felt super grotty & tired in the past five weeks. However, I thought it would be unfair to tell my family and not DHs so I bit my tongue.

Just got back from a weekend away with work. My MIL had been over to stay in my absence. Husband announced pregnancy to her without me being there. He said it just slipped out. I asked what her response was and DH just shrugged his shoulders.

I feel really sad and angry. Firstly, I feel robbed of that opportunity to tell them. I was really looking forward to seeing their response. Secondly, I feel like my wishes have been massively disrespected. Finally, I feel a little sad that my family have been left til last to find out. I know that my mother and sister would be particularly upset to find out they were last to find out.

DH has apologised but essentially thinks that I am overreacting. I also want to let MIL know how upset I am by the whole thing.

There's nobody I can discuss this with so difficult to gain perspective. Feel slightly concerned that I might do something to damage my relationship with PIL. Having irrational urges to exclude them and DH from the rest of my pregnancy/scans etc. I wouldn't actually do that and realise that it probably stems from an urge to seize back control/make them understand how upset I am.

MajorClanger123

I know I can. If my DH proved he couldn't be trusted to let me decide when to share details of what is happening to my body, he would have brought that on himself. He wouldn't, because he isn't a disrespectful man.

This thread has been booked marked to show the pregnant women on Mumsnet that their pregnancies are nothing to do with the person who made them pregnant.

For example, the woman who recently had a termination whose partner liked a picture on Facebook of another woman on the day of the termination and is very pissed off about that. We can point her here and say look, why are you upset, his actions are irrelevant because your pregnancy was irrelevant to him as its only the woman who is relevant.

Don't be a dick now, there's a dear.

MajorClanger I can't imagine being married to a man who breaks an agreement with his wife about the information he shares with other people about his wife's body- but the OP is.

It would be awful to fear telling your husband about such a life-changing event, simply because he didn't respect his wife enough not to blab to all and sundry about her medical circumstances.

"her medical circumstances"

Pregnancy is, I suggest, slightly more than a mere medical circumstance.

I understand why you're upset, especially with something as personal as your pregnancy. It's normal to start feeling "territorial" about baby.. it's natural instincts. BUT it sounds like your DH made an honest mistake or maybe accidentally said something and MIL asked further.... (mothers are very intuitive!)
Definitely would not tell your MIL you're upset.. why would you do that? Be upset, your feelings are yours and you have right to them, but don't share them with her. There is no need and it wasn't her fault your DH told her. Should she have asked him to take it back?

There will be PLENTY of things you can argue or be mad with your MIL about with your first child coming (and her first GC) (hahahaha!! ) as most on here will tell you.... but this is not one of them.

blab to all and sundry

It was his mother.
He'll be excited about the pregnancy.
The OP was unreasonable to ask him to keep it a secret from his own mother in the first place, particularly for selfish reasons as she wanted to see her reaction.

Similar happened to me. ExH told PIL because he thought I wanted a termination and that if my pregnancy was public knowledge that would stop me. It was about control.

Yabu. As others have already said, his parents are more important for him to tell and yours are more important for you to tell. I know he has blabbed when you did not want him to but come on........he either was bursting to tell them (which is lovely btw) and could not hold it back or he has genuinely slipped up, both ways I would cut him some slack and he has apologised. A mistake is a mistake. My dp slips up about everything he is meant to keep secret just the way he is. It is not the time to ruin everything because of this. What is done is done and you can still have a special chat about baby when you next see the inlaws. I can understand you being annoyed but don't let it get silly. Main thing is to talk to your family as soon as possible before they find out off someone else. One set of parents would have had to be told first anyway unless you were getting them all together. I know it has happened in a way you did not want but make the best of it still. Don't punish him anymore and get cracking to break the news to your family together. Once baby comes along things will never go to plan
Congrats btw

I think you're being way OTT too sorry.

You know, my dcs are 12 and 10. I can't even remember how, when or who we told. I'm pretty certain it wasn't face to face. I even told dh the first time second time by text as he was on a friend's stag weekend .

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you feel better soon. But honestly, all this 'reactions' stuff is just silly.

This thread will always creep into my thoughts now when people ask why sons generally don't have the same relationship they have with their mothers as daughters do.

I'll always wonder now if its simply because some of them aren't allowed.

Give over, Gahbuggerit! Society doesn't allow it first as men who call their mums a lot and go for shopping and coffee etc with them as teenagers (a really bonding time) are described as mummy's boys. Also gender differences in society mean that boys can't or don't often share the same interests as their female parent.

Not only that but quite s few mils see a younger female partner of their son's as a threat to their matriarchal role in the family, or won't open their arms to include the new female partner as much as they could or should.

Its all very complicated and unique to the individuals involved.

No I wont give over ta, it's just what will always pop into my head now as a musing, tis all :)

I feel really sad and angry. Firstly, I feel robbed of that opportunity to tell them. I was really looking forward to seeing their response

The fact that your DH just shrugged his shoulders when asked how his mother reacted suggests that she may not have demonstrated the level of boundless elation that you anticipate.

It doesn't sound like you've missed much. And yes, sometimes things do "slip out."