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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find DPs lack of hygiene intolerable?

100 replies

LottieG100 · 11/06/2017 22:27

I feel like I spend a lot of time being grossed out and frustrated by DPs lack of hygiene but he just doesn't seem to get it and continues to do the same things. I try not to nag but I feel like he's putting our health at risk. He thinks I'm OTT.

Here are some examples from just the last few days:

Our 2 year old has a stomach bug. Her nappy leaked on the sofa yesterday and I took her upstairs to clean her up and asked DP to clean the sofa and put her clothes in the washing machine. It later transpired that he'd just sprayed the sofa with Febreze and had rinsed the poo out of her clothes in the kitchen sink, and then hadn't cleaned it afterwards. Later on, while the bath was running he sat her naked on the hand towel in the bathroom. He then hung it back up to be used again. Tonight I was getting the washing in and the DCs were playing upstairs while DP was packing for working away this week. When I went upstairs they were playing and sharing instruments like plastic trumpets so the likelihood of the other two DC catching it have just multiplied tenfold and DP gave me this face Hmm when I asked if he had considered telling them it wasn't a good idea.

He will wipe the floor with a cloth then use the same cloth to wipe down sides or wash up. We have a dog so I think this is gross but he strongly disagrees.

He will laugh at two year old eating sand, drinking pond water and licking the eggs she's just collected from our chickens. He also doesn't see the need to get them to wash their hands after handling pets or before eating.

He will rinse the bottom of the guinea pigs cage, rats cage and things from the fish tank in the kitchen sink and then not clean it before washing up plates, cutlery and glasses.

If he washes up he'll do it in cold water and no particular order - like glasses after frying pan. He just dips cutlery so it often remains dirty and puts baking tray back in the oven without having washed it and thinks it's fine to use again next time, even if it's had meat on.

I could go on but I appreciate I sound ranty! The final straw has just come along in the shape of me getting in to bed to find my feet in a wet patch. He mentioned DDs nappy had leaked on the bed earlier and I presumed he'd changed the sheet but no, he's just rotated it.

I'm not nit picking surely - this is all very grim right?

OP posts:
NeverTooOldForAnything · 11/06/2017 22:29

Yes, it's grim.

piglover · 11/06/2017 22:31

On the plus side, your little one is probably going to have the world's best immune system ever. Seriously, some of these seem worse than others to me, but I was brought up relatively unhygienically as well.

KoalaDownUnder · 11/06/2017 22:33

rinsed the poo out of her clothes in the kitchen sink,

You lost me at this. Repulsive.

Softkitty2 · 11/06/2017 22:34

Grim. Just because he can't see e.coli doesnt mean it's not there.. 😷

Grim.

Getoutofthatgarden · 11/06/2017 22:37

You're right, tis grim... not sure what you can do to change him though.

Viserion · 11/06/2017 22:37

I'm a bit meh about a lot of that. I grew up in a house where hygiene standards were monumentally lax, but we all have robust immune systems. DH grew up in a house full of bleach and dettol. He used to get every bug around. He has got noticeably more robust since being introduced to my lower standards. OK, so it is anecdotal, but like piglover says, some of these are worse than others.

kali110 · 11/06/2017 22:38

Dear god. I'm not the tidest person, but that's disgusting.
Yanbu, at all. My stomach turned slightly reading this.

franciemczoo · 11/06/2017 22:41

That's terrible! No wonder your DD has a tummy bug after licking chicken eggs. Chickens carry E. coli and salmonella. I'm surprised you're not all ill!

Original poster
LottieG100 · 11/06/2017 22:43

I'm not over the top.I'm all for the DC playing in the mud and I'm fine with the dog on the sofa which I know disgusts many people. Their immunity isn't good, we often have tummy bugs and I can't help thinking it's partly because of him. He also washed up a chopping board and knife that had been used for raw chicken before everything else tonight and it just made me cringe and want to wash it all again.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 11/06/2017 22:48

The only thing I'd find intolerable in that list is washing dishes in cold water and just dipping the cutlery. The rest sounds not ideal, but it wouldn't worry me (I have low hygiene standards but have successfully raised my children to be healthy adults Wink)

20nil · 11/06/2017 22:52

Absolutely revolting. Poor you.

Travelledtheworld · 11/06/2017 22:54

Can you get a dish washer ?
And colour coded chopping boards before you all get Salmonella ?

KoalaDownUnder · 11/06/2017 22:54

I'm not over the top.I'm all for the DC playing in the mud and I'm fine with the dog on the sofa which I know disgusts many people

I'm the same. A bit of dog hair, mud = no big deal. I also don't buy anti-bac products, or splash bleach around.

BUT, faeces (animal or human), poor food handling, not washing hands before eating? Gross. That's how people get ill.

I know someone who is always banging on about how she's building up her kids' immune system by being lax about food/toilet hygiene. In reality, she's just being lazy and the poor kids have gastro and colds all the time.

Out2pasture · 11/06/2017 22:55

Sooo many examples some worse than others.

seafoodeatit · 11/06/2017 22:56

I feel physically sick reading this, is he Wayne slob by any chance? I couldn't live with someone that bad.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 11/06/2017 22:57

I couldn't live like this, yes, having a dog about fine, doing things that could give a small child salmonella (licking eggs, not washing chopping board) not fine. Not cleaning properly when one person has a gastro bug- not fine at all. In fact, quite neglectful.

annielouise · 11/06/2017 22:59

I wonder if he washes his hands after going to the loo. Probably not either. Yuk!

angelikacpickles · 11/06/2017 23:02

I would have said I have fairly low hygiene standards, but pretty much everything you've mentioned is grim as far as I'm concerned.

roundaboutthetown · 11/06/2017 23:03

I would say your dh is definitely the reason you all get a lot of stomach bugs.

AntiGrinch · 11/06/2017 23:06

This is awful but one thing I have found is that you can't persuade people that washing things matters, if they don't think so already. At least, if you can, I don't know how. I couldn't live with that man and if I tried to I would be run ragged trying to run about correcting everything before, eg, all the washing up was in the pooey sink.

how is turning the sheet less trouble than putting a clean one on? That is just perverse. Also - putting the nasty bit on your side. Pretty calculated.

What happens when you try to talk about this?

Is your P PA?

Inertia · 11/06/2017 23:06

It's clearly not giving the children an enhanced immune system- the baby has a stomach bug! Let's hope it's not one of the nastier ones transmitted by raw chicken.

If you have chickens, then there's every chance that rats are running around when you're not there, peeing all over the coop.Allowing your child to handle eggs etc without handwashing, and especially to lick the water out there, is an open invitation to Weil's disease.

You're not nit picking- all of it is really, really grim.

tabbymog · 11/06/2017 23:07

Like people have said, some things more than others. OTOH, In an age when antibiotic resistance is a huge problem and big pharma isn't doing much research into new drugs because of the cost, I think we need to be more careful than we used to because the risks of something nasty and uncurable, realistically, are much higher than they used to be.

My immediate reaction was that your DP is a health hazard OP, and a GP in the family (mum to three under 10) feels the same.

I don't know what you can do about it.

Hillfarmer · 11/06/2017 23:08

I don't like lots of these...the chicken thing, not good. Washing up in cold water, why? Wiping work tops etc with the floor cloth? What is the point of that? Certainly no point if the intention is to make something clean instead of spreading dirt around.

It can't just be a question of whether he was brought up with 'different standards'. He could do a basic google search on domestic hygiene and find that he is putting the family's health at risk.

So what I am wondering is why he persists in this behaviour? Why would he knowingly risk his children's health? I think he likes it because it is guaranteed to antagonise you. He knows it gets to you. He is daring you to object all the time so that he can dismiss you and call you a nag.

The next question is why he deliberately upsets and ridicules you?

Not only is he putting you and your children's health at unnecessary risk, but I think he is exhibiting quite controlling behaviour. He is showing you a really nasty side, a bullying side and the implicit threat is that he could do even worse. Nasty.

PickAChew · 11/06/2017 23:08

He rotated a sheet that had been weed on? How the hell is that any less work than changing it? Ugh :P

Siwdmae · 11/06/2017 23:09

Cold water makes no difference to germs/bacteria. Physically removing dirt is the important bit. Hot water obviously helps melt off grease.

Using the same cloth on the floor and the work surfaces is appalling. The dog probably treks in shit so I'd be very unhappy with him about this.