to find DPs lack of hygiene intolerable?

[LottieG100]

I feel like I spend a lot of time being grossed out and frustrated by DPs lack of hygiene but he just doesn't seem to get it and continues to do the same things. I try not to nag but I feel like he's putting our health at risk. He thinks I'm OTT.

Here are some examples from just the last few days:

Our 2 year old has a stomach bug. Her nappy leaked on the sofa yesterday and I took her upstairs to clean her up and asked DP to clean the sofa and put her clothes in the washing machine. It later transpired that he'd just sprayed the sofa with Febreze and had rinsed the poo out of her clothes in the kitchen sink, and then hadn't cleaned it afterwards. Later on, while the bath was running he sat her naked on the hand towel in the bathroom. He then hung it back up to be used again. Tonight I was getting the washing in and the DCs were playing upstairs while DP was packing for working away this week. When I went upstairs they were playing and sharing instruments like plastic trumpets so the likelihood of the other two DC catching it have just multiplied tenfold and DP gave me this face when I asked if he had considered telling them it wasn't a good idea.

He will wipe the floor with a cloth then use the same cloth to wipe down sides or wash up. We have a dog so I think this is gross but he strongly disagrees.

He will laugh at two year old eating sand, drinking pond water and licking the eggs she's just collected from our chickens. He also doesn't see the need to get them to wash their hands after handling pets or before eating.

He will rinse the bottom of the guinea pigs cage, rats cage and things from the fish tank in the kitchen sink and then not clean it before washing up plates, cutlery and glasses.

If he washes up he'll do it in cold water and no particular order - like glasses after frying pan. He just dips cutlery so it often remains dirty and puts baking tray back in the oven without having washed it and thinks it's fine to use again next time, even if it's had meat on.

I could go on but I appreciate I sound ranty! The final straw has just come along in the shape of me getting in to bed to find my feet in a wet patch. He mentioned DDs nappy had leaked on the bed earlier and I presumed he'd changed the sheet but no, he's just rotated it.

I'm not nit picking surely - this is all very grim right?

we often have tummy bugs and I can't help thinking it's partly because of him.

Your dishes are washed in cold water in a sink that's previously washed animal houses and hasn't been cleaned, then your cutlery is rinsed in the filth. I'm really not surprised. I'm more surprised as to why you're putting up with it?!

I actually heaved at that first one. Vile.

I wouldn't let him in the house he's so disgusting.

And believe my I have very very low standards. I've been known to use the same coffee mug all week. And the student house I lived in was so dirty my friend refused to wash there when she stayed over. And even i think he is beyond revolting.

Now I'm not the cleanest of people but that is fucking rank.

His lax attitude to contact with faeces is really worrying (and everything else is utterly grim).

Development agencies run huge health programs in developing countries. handwashing is one of the biggest, most effective things to educate on to reduce disease.

I'd have thrown a major hissy long since.

And Anti has a point- he's doing things unhygienically when it would be less trouble to do them properly in the first place.He really does seem to making a point to wind you up, and he knows you fear seeming like a nag- meanwhile, your children are falling ill.

Nobody needs to scrub everything with bleach every single day, but your husband is exposing everyone to the parasites and bacteria found in raw meat and animal faeces and urine, as well as knowingly spreading infection-causing bacteria/viruses from human faeces around your food and utensils. I'd be bloody furious.

OP
Does any parent let their kids visit yours? Your DC will honestly lose friends because of this.....on top of being ill all the time.

No. Just no. I am not daft about cleanliness but that is ridiculous.

I'm laughing at all the people rushing to say how poor their hygiene is as though being slovenly is something to be proud of!

His behaviour is utterly repulsive. And really dangerous! I'm not surprised you're all often ill. I'm amazed your kids haven't ended up in hospital actually. He needs a bloody good wake up call and unfortunately, it's going to fall on you to do it.

What a fucking animal

Grim. And my kids are always mucky and my house is messy as we really busy... but grim by my standards

Yuck! You are not being unreasonable. Many of the issues you mention are actively putting your own and your children's health at serious risk.

I grew up on a farm, hardly a sterile environment, and my father always impressed on us the need for hand washing after touching animals, and always before eating.

I couldn't put up with your partner's behaviour. And yes, it does sound as if he's now doing at least some of it deliberately because he knows you don't like it.

Fuck. That. I'm not surprised your child is poorly, I'm suprised you haven't all contracted giardia by now!

That said, I don't know how you can change him.

The thing is you are in the house as well! So why the fuck are you letting it go on? You seem to be blaming it all on him...but if you don't like something do it yourself, like why didn't you change the sheet instead of assuming he had? You know he's a dirty bastard so highly unlikely he had.

He removed a sheet, rotated it and put it back on, rather than change it?

He's clearly a fuckwit.

I'm all for kids getting mucky outside and have a relaxed attitude to pets - but he is utterly revolting and risking everyone's health.

You keep rats? YABU

Has he always been like this OP? I'm surprised you're with him. I'm also not even slightly cleanfreakish, and your OP worries me. You seem to have a lot of pets, and it all sounds a bit nightmarish to me.

This really needs to be sorted before one of your children gets really ill.

how is turning the sheet less trouble than putting a clean one on? That is just perverse. Also - putting the nasty bit on your side. Pretty calculated.

Yes, this!

Ugh just gross. And appalling. What a stupid lazy fuckwit.

I second bees response

I don't think i'd be able to stay with him.
Salmonella is awful, would he seriously want to give that to one of his kids?
The baby? It's not a little tummy bug! It's serious!
I don't care about animals on the sofa, iv got a zoo in here, but this is disgusting, and frankly dangerous.
Does he not care about the kids getting sick? Or does he just not realize?

He's neglectful, arrogant and thick. If he does it on purpose to wind you up (?) he's also abusive. What are his good points?

Half a million children die every year from diarrhoea. That's 500,000.

Washing hands and not having poo around is essential.

Your DP is thick as a brick if he can't get his head around that fact.

Maybe your GP can enlighten him, or the health visitor.

Your children need him to man up, and start to pull his weight with the chores and childcare. He's neglectful if he doesn't.

I'd LTB if he won't coparent. He's neglectful and endangering them. They deserve better. You do too.

Holy moly, I'm not the most obsessive cleaner, but these are rank. Could you send him on a food hygiene course? Sounds like he is not going to listen to you, but might believe an expert? Also, if I lived with someone like that, then I would not have so many animals. I just think you're asking for trouble with chickens and other pets around.