To want details of our infertility not shared

[WyclefJohn]

I'm a man, who has an infertility condition, and it's something I'm shy about. Only two very close female friends of mine know. My wife has a wide circle of friends and tells them everything, including the latest results of my sperm counts. I told her I'm unhappy about it, although I would be fine if she we tell her best friends, her parents if she wanted.

My wife's argument is that it affects her too? Am I being unreasonable to want a little discretion?

Thanks for all the comments. I think many here are too harsh on my wife, and I understand her need for support. It's not as one-sided as some suggest, as if I want to stop my wife speaking to her friends about it, I just would wish she were a little more discreet about it, as I think some people (sad as it) would judge.

The condition is strange as it is not someone that emerged recently, but something I have known since I was a child, and my wife knew soon after we met, and is something I am somewhat ashamed of, although no fault of my own

Best of luck, OP
Hoping you get a good outcome very soon

Oh, I see. Fair point!

Thanks sparechange. Things are actually going pretty well right now

Please don't be ashamed op. It is just a medical matter that should be no more embarrassing than a broken leg. Easy to say I know but I think everyone on here would say the same.

Good luck.

I'm also going through infertility issues - DH hasn't told a soul, and I wouldn't have told anyone if it were his fault either. Trust is integral to a relationship - if you can't trust someone to have your back, I'd question why you're having a baby with them.

I'm also going through infertility issues - DH hasn't told a soul, and I wouldn't have told anyone if it were his fault either. Trust is integral to a relationship

Firstly, infertility is never anyone's 'fault'. Secondly, trust in a relationship and never sharing anything with anyone outside the two of you aren't the same thing. I actually think one of the many strengths of my own relationship is that we both know that we sometimes have to seek out the support of others. I'm not saying that's the best dynamic for everyone, but nor is total secrecy.

@MargaretCavendish - firstly, OP has said he/she doesn't like it and they've told their partner to stop. So it is a breach of trust. Secondly, who are you to invalidate my opinion when I'm the one going through infertility? I can say what I want - you have no right to filter my own experiences

YANBU in all the years that DH and I had infertility issues I never discussed the reasons with anyone. I came close when MIL said that if DH had married someone else she would have had more grandchildren but even then I kept my mouth shut. DHs privacy was more important than scoring points. I do hope people are more aware and sympathetic to male factor infertility these days though and I wish you luck in the future

Why tie yourself to somebody you can't trust? Someday something very personal may happen that you won't want anybody to know and she'll be running around telling everybody because it's all about her seeking attention for herself.

When she has a child to gossip about the poor kid will have zero privacy. She'll be one of those parents who loudly announces at the school gates all about their bed wetting problems etc...

People like this aren't looking for support, she doesn't need support from every person she meets, she is looking for attention and using your private business to get it.

Carry on if you're happy to have everybody know every private detail of you and your future children, she will never be discreet. If you want a respectful, discreet person, run.

Projecting much, Hilda?

How is it projecting to encourage someone to leave a compulsive gossip if they want some privacy in their life? He's not happy having everyone know his private business but he has a choice, suck it up or leave.

What evidence do you have that she is compulsive gossip?!

You sound mad, are are putting 2 and 2 to get 700!

She tells everybody in her life about her husbands private medical condition when he's asked her to respect his privacy. That's compulsive gossiping.

I think your wife is being very insensitive here and you have every right to be pisssd off with her.

Hah! Only on Mumsnet would "telling friends why we can't have kids" be the same as being an attention-seeking nightmare who will destroy a child'a life.

As the OP, and someone who knows my wife, I think the truth is somewhere in between. My wife isn't some complete blabbermouth, but I think she has gone a bit far in telling the number of people she has.