To be depressed at the parenting I've seen today

[sowhatusernameisnttaken]

On Friday at the supermarket some woman came across the car park f'ing and blinding and shouting at her husband saying "you can forget me going anywhere tomorrow" her daughter piped up "going where mummy?" "Anywhere with your fucking father" cue more swearing from him then them piling into the car and her screeching off. I felt so much for the poor girl.
Today, same supermarket, woman having a go at her toddler sat in the trolley scowling at him and then when he made a fuss her saying patronisingly "bye bye" and waving slowly side to side whilst walking backwards away from him, again I felt so much for the poor little boy.
Then walking out to the car a woman swearing into her phone with her daughter by her side saying "you can't just fucking drive off you're supposed to be picking up your fucking daughter" And more swearing and shouting.
I realise people don't lead perfect lives and I sometimes shout myself but the way in which it was done shamelessly in public in full view I felt so much for those poor children and the environment they're being brought up in. I found it so depressing.
I'm lucky I just have one child and no stress which I realise makes me less likely to act like this but still :-(

Oh no, people sharing their personal experiences on a forum designed for sharing personal experiences! Alert the church elders! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN?

Unclench, ThymeLord. There are plenty of other threads here if you don't like this one, and a wide, wonderful web to explore if none of the festivities here are to your liking.

It is so hard to always be perfect. We are human and sometimes we don't do the right thing.

I am guilty after a day of my dc fighting, moaning etc of telling them to just please "Shut up"

I can't stand this crap of how awful mothers are (funny how it's only mothers the op noticed)

Most of us are just doing our best. Children are hard work.. lay off the guilt trip

As you said you've one child and no stress!

Add another few constantly bickering children in there who don't sleep properly and/or major, long term stress and then head off to the supermarket and come back and tell us about it.

You're not wrong about their behaviour not being ideal, but then life is so far from ideal for very many people.

Btw I'm not suggesting one child is a walk in the park, but there's a reality that child can get much more attention then when there are siblings to compete for attention with.

And by the 1st page we've already had the standard reply 'I'm glad your children are perfect all the time'.

I don't care what people say, shouting and swearing like that in public is disgusting. Most people manage to disagree and argue without doing it. We all make the odd slip up but that doesn't make conversations where it's clearly normalised ok.

It's not about being holier than though or having perfect kids or any of the other similar replies that suggest you can't be shocked by anything unless you are perfect. It's about the fact that some people do act in ways that are shocking.
E.g. I saw a kid in town yelled in the face by their mam, the looked scared and cried so the mother got in his face some more and told him to 'stop crying or she'd give you something to cry about'. He carried on crying so she dragged him over to one side and smacked him.
I don't give a damn if anyone wants to lecture me about being holier than thou. I was appalled. Fair do, tell your child off. But don't be nasty like that.

Obviously I don't know their family set ups but in all the cases I saw there was just one child present.

Also I know toddlers can push you to the edge(!) but two of the girls were quite a bit older

And ThymeLord it absolutely did happen, I'm not sure what your comments about.

I just thought if they act like that in public god knows how they act behind closed doors.
It was the mum with the toddler in the trolley that upset me most I think, maybe because ds is a similar age. The way she was muttering at him and being nasty then the controlling cold way she waved as she walked away from him. That's his MUM the one person who should care for and protect him yet she was winding him up and belittling him, it depressed the hell out of me. I've no doubt she was stressed, I've no doubt he was probably being a little sh*t but still :-(

YANBU yesterday whilst shopping I saw a woman get right into the face of her child that was sitting in the trolley and yell 'SHUT UP!' It was so aggressive. Some parents are a disgrace.

I think you are being judgmental too. I guess there has always been louder or more verbal types of parenting, transport yourself back 100 years to inner city working class areas, this would well have been the norm in some families then too.

Equally i have witnessed appalling yummy mummy parenting in a posh gastro pub last Sunday in the hills outside Ambleside. Posh parents letting their brood weave in and around people's tables with their food in their hands all talking very loudly. The same children going into the toilets and walking past the queue to the front and nipping into the next free cubicle. Nothing more than a rather pathetic "don't do that darling"

Maybe those "get your fucking arse here" kids will grow up with more respect for other people.

shitcake 'I admit to massively losing my temper and shouting at her to go to sleep'
I wouldn't be able to sleep if someone was yelling at me. Jesus Christ wish I never clicked on this thread.

woman having a go at her toddler sat in the trolley scowling at him and then when he made a fuss her saying patronisingly "bye bye" and waving slowly side to side whilst walking backwards away from him

Can you really 'patronise' a toddler?

Every time I read a thread like this, there are always people quick to accuse the OP of being judgemental. But swearing and being aggressive in front of children is never right.

I was once walking down the road with my screaming newborn and reached the end of my tether. I was telling him to shut the fuck up and sleep. Had anyone seen me I looked like the worst parent. In reality this was a one off, horrific incident bourne out of no sleep and a baby who didn't stop crying.

I look back now and regret it but at the time it was the only thing I could do.

Mexxi
Agreed. But this is mumsnet where in some quarters it's utterly unacceptable to dare consider any parenting act to be less than ideal. Or more accurately, we all think it but voicing it gets you shouted down and ridiculed because 'your kids clearly aren't perfect' or 'I'm glad your children behave all the time you must tell us how you do it'.

I'm with you, screaming and swearing at a child isn't ok.

One of the worst things I have witnessed was a man spitting at a little boy.
The boy tried hiding behind a tree.
The man accompanied this by screaming at the child that he was a fucking cunt.
It was absolutely disgusting.
I don't care how upset a parent is, that is never acceptable.

DermotOLogical
That sounds like a frustrating experience for you. Everyone slips up and has moments.
You, unlike others, acknowledge that moments like that aren't ideal or ok. But we're all human.
Something like that is totally different from screaming at a toddler and swearing in their face etc.

I can't believe people are arguing about this - the fact is we simply do not KNOW. Every time you see something like this it could be a one-off - parent-at-the-end-of-their-tether situation. Or it could be a regular pattern of verbal and emotional abuse and this is how they parent their children all the time.

The fact you saw it twice makes the second more likely but it still doesn't really prove it either way.

I try not to judge, but it doesn't stop my heart going out to small kids - yesterday both DD (9) were upset by a Mum who was berating her toddler in the swimming pool changing rooms. It wasn't the shouting or telling off so much but the way she kept shoving him across the wet floor so that he kept stumbling as he walked, howling all the way. Horrible.

But the thing is what can you actually do? Nothing, except hope that it's a one-off. It's our helplessness in this situation that is part of why we feel upset.

Agree there's a massive difference between being overly stressed and being mean, degrading or humiliating a child.

I think the people who treat their children like this on a daily basis were probably raised like this, or similar.

Some manage to learn (teach themselves) different ways to do things and others don't even think about it, along the lines of "well I turned out ok".

Because it's pretty hard to imagine being brought up in a truly kind, caring, supportive, nurturing home and treating your children like that.

But I have to say that I think I prefer the parents who treat their children like that in public than the very, very nice (often "naice") parents who do at least as bad behind closed doors. They know the behaviour is unacceptable, so just hide it from view. But nobody ever sympathises with the child because they have "such lovely parents".

Not nice but shit happens and even the best of us have our limits.

Might have been a glimpse of an abusive life, or more likely, a glimpse of a shitty day for all concerned.

Maybe plan your shopping better next time so you don't have to visit the supermarket twice in as many days or what Thyme said

Oh piss off Janet

Go to Waitrose, it's usually full of nice old ladies who admire your child. I go for that reason alone.

You think that parents shouldn't be judged for abusing their child? because that is exactly what is being witnessed here, some of it verbal, some of it emotional, some of it physical.
And so we walk on by, we don't 'judge', because poor parent is at the end of his/her tether don't you know...and we mustn't judge, because well, you know, its not nice is it? to judge that is.
Well I bloody well do. I've intervened on several occasions and told a parent straight that screaming their face off at a child is totally out of order. And I've told them to bloody well grow up.
You see, adults, real, proper grown-ups don't behave like that, they control themselves and if they can't, then they're unfit to parent. So, next time you walk by pretending not to hear someone scream obscenities at a two year old, remember the saying that all it takes for evil to thrive in the world is for good people to do nothing.