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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my bedroom is out of bounds to visitors

105 replies

YoshimiBTPR · 10/06/2017 21:54

My exPIL visit occasionally. I leave DC2 with them while I collect DC1. I have previously asked them not to play in my bedroom - to stick to downstairs or the DCs bedrooms.

This week FIL said he went in my bedroom and pulled my bed out looking for a toy DS2 thought was there. I was really annoyed. I had put all my private things in my room and closed the door - and there is a journal and paperwork by my bed. I was also embarrassed because it was messy. Underwear etc. Blush

I genuinely don't think he sees it as an invasion of privacy like I feel it is.

I don't want to leave them here alone again but I don't want to overreact. I feel petty even describing it. Would you mind family going in your room? I didn't like it when I was living with ex and his family went in our bedroom then too. He never saw a problem.

OP posts:
Alittlepotofrosie · 10/06/2017 21:56

I don't like anyone going into my bedroom. It would feel like a huge invasion of privacy if my FIL went in there.

Mysteriouscurle · 10/06/2017 21:57

I wouldnt like that either. Lock that you can use when they are there?

Smellbellina · 10/06/2017 21:58

I wouldn't be hugely impressed but I would view This week FIL said he went in my bedroom and pulled my bed out looking for a toy DS2 thought was there.
I also think, if he thought it was fine and dandy to go into your bedroom, he wouldn't have told you and given a reason.

Original poster
YoshimiBTPR · 10/06/2017 21:59

I can't believe I didn't think of a lock. Thats such an obvious solution.

OP posts:
OCSockOrphanage · 10/06/2017 22:02

I'm old, but I think that's bonkers. Do you think your FIL is prying? Why would he?

Original poster
YoshimiBTPR · 10/06/2017 22:04

I don't think he's prying. I think he is just ignoring my wishes.

OP posts:
Trb17 · 10/06/2017 22:04

I'd hate this. My (very boring) bedroom is private and off limits to visitors. I'd get a lock, definitely.

hennaoj · 10/06/2017 22:07

You shouldn't have to get a lock though, people should respect your wishes. Make it clear that he is not to go in your room under any circumstances.

bumblebee61 · 10/06/2017 22:08

I would also hate this. A bedroom is a private place.

AnnieOH1 · 10/06/2017 22:09

Definitely get a lock - and not the simple kind that can be opened from outside either from the sounds of it. I would hate this. For me the rest of the house is fair game for visitors, but the bedroom is a sanctuary. It's a place where the world just doesn't come and I'm afraid the world includes parents, in laws etc.

babsmargarita · 10/06/2017 22:11

you absolutely have a right to your privacy regardless of what's in there. of all the rooms in the house the children could play in, why feel the need to go into an adult woman's bedroom? seems a little strange to me. just plain nosy!!

OCSockOrphanage · 10/06/2017 22:12

To go on, I wouldn't even think about going into my mum or sister's bedroom and in a crisis I'd turn either upside down for information that might tell me what was going on that I needed to know. For small children, square the response

Original poster
YoshimiBTPR · 10/06/2017 22:12

I said to him that next time I'd prefer him not to and he said he didn't see the problem. I think he was embarrassed so I didn't say anything more.

And like I said they are my ex's parents so while I believe he was looking for a toy, being nosey isn't totally unlikely.

OP posts:
OCSockOrphanage · 10/06/2017 22:17

There's nothing in my life I would be embarrassed to have on the front page of a national newspaper.

ittakes2 · 10/06/2017 22:18

My bedroom is my private area and it's off limits to visitors. I'd be furious like you.

OCSockOrphanage · 10/06/2017 22:24

Visitors, if welcome. I don't show people my bedroom, but the door is always left open.

Billben · 10/06/2017 22:24

I wouldn't be happy either. When we are down at my MIL's I never use the loo in their en suite for example because it would mean having to go into their bedroom to get to it. I expect the same thing to happen in my house.

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 10/06/2017 22:26

Lock the door. He's already disregarded your request to not go in your bedroom so obviously can't be trusted not to.

It's a power thing.

Ravenblack · 10/06/2017 22:26

I'd be annoyed too. Not because I have anything to hide, but because my wishes had been ignored.

I may be being over-dramatic here, but it seems to me that you FIL is going in there because you have told him not to. A kind of patriarchal 'don't order me about woman!' kind of thing. Some men simply don't like being told what to do.

Get a lock OP.

Ravenblack · 10/06/2017 22:27

I mean, FFS,why does ANYone need to go into anyone's fucking BEDroom?! Hmm

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 10/06/2017 22:28

Even my dc don't go into my bedroom!!
They should be grateful they are allowed in your home at all!!!

Inertia · 10/06/2017 22:28

I'd lock it. I think he's showing you that he will do as he pleases, even if it's your house and their son doesn't live with you any more.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 10/06/2017 22:29

He was being nosey and rude....and you're a mug for continually giving him the benefit of the doubt.

How would he know if your dc had dropped a toy behind your bed? I'm assuming he was in the living room with your dc when you left the house?

He's using your dc as an excuse to pry into your personal and private space, it's actually quite perverted when you think about it.
He's continuing to disrespect and undermine you and no doubt 'reports' back to your ex after his visits.

Stop believing his excuses and get assertive.
You wouldn't be the first woman fooled by a man.
For all you know he could be reading your diary/journal, rummaging around your toy/undies drawer.
He probably gets a perverted kick out of it.

Either put a lock on your bedroom door or don't allow him unsupervised visits in your home.

DeadGood · 10/06/2017 22:31

Carry on then, OCSockOrphanage

Lynnm63 · 10/06/2017 22:31

You can get keypad locks or thumbprint locks quite cheaply too.