To think my bedroom is out of bounds to visitors

[YoshimiBTPR]

My exPIL visit occasionally. I leave DC2 with them while I collect DC1. I have previously asked them not to play in my bedroom - to stick to downstairs or the DCs bedrooms.

This week FIL said he went in my bedroom and pulled my bed out looking for a toy DS2 thought was there. I was really annoyed. I had put all my private things in my room and closed the door - and there is a journal and paperwork by my bed. I was also embarrassed because it was messy. Underwear etc.

I genuinely don't think he sees it as an invasion of privacy like I feel it is.

I don't want to leave them here alone again but I don't want to overreact. I feel petty even describing it. Would you mind family going in your room? I didn't like it when I was living with ex and his family went in our bedroom then too. He never saw a problem.

We have moved to ex seeing them with DC - but I still care about them and thought it'd be nice to see them occasionally. I don't intend to go back to how it was when we first separated and it was every week.

It was quite hard work though.

Yes ex has keys which has been in the back of my head reading this thread. I think he is capable of being an arse rather than cameras etc but maybe it's time to ask for it back.

Don't just get the key back Yoshi- change the lock. He could well have had an extra key cut, expecting you to want the original back.

Yes -definitely change locks.

I would have thought the first thing he'd do is make sure he had a spare.

Just change them and don't tell him. And if he then brings it up, or tries in some way to get hold of your key for any reason... then you'll know he's tried to get in when you're out :)

Usually in this kind of situation the MN view is "if you don't like what you get for free, pay for your own childcare". I'm quite surprised no one's said this so far.
I'm not sure I 100% agree with this in any case, because I think there's a massive value in family and also inter-generational stuff between families which benefits everyone.

But you should remember, you don't have to accept the current situation if it doesn't work for you.

p.s. I'm so sorry, I thought there were 5 messages, not 5 pages. I'll go away and read the thread now. Sorry