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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never say anything again

81 replies

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 21:31

I was paying at the till this morning while a little boy about 3 -4 yrs old was continuously climbing & jumping off the bag packing shelf. He jumped off and landed on his back. I was very alarmed and turned to his mum and said very nicely 'your little boy is going to hurt himself jumping off there', OMG if I did she called me everything, she even said 'well he will learn then won't he when he hurts himself?' I said 'that is not the point you are his mother and supposed to be looking after him'. She said 'what is it to do with you anyway?' . I said 'it's to do with everybody because it is a child at risk of hurting himself'. It was worse than that but I won't go on , I had no one supporting me in there and no one else said anything they just put their heads down and carried on as if it wasn't happening. I just feel like what is the point in getting involved. I will just stfu in future. The shop assistant didn't say anything either ......what is the matter with people?

OP posts:

pinkblink · 10/06/2017 21:41

Nobody likes to be told how to parent their kids, it scares me seeing other people's kids doing dangerous things I know how you feel, but I'd be pissed if you said that to me! Sometimes I give up asking my kids to behave and agree that they will learn when they hurt themselves, maybe she had said it 20 times before you even got there and had given up

NavyandWhite · 10/06/2017 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHauntedFishtank · 10/06/2017 21:47

I was in Tesco today and a small child who was standing in a trolley had got herself wedged in by trying to sit down. She managed to stand up and her mother went 'oh silly Beatrice'. It took every fibre of my being not to say 'no, silly fuckwit mummy letting her child stand up in a trolley' but it's just not worth it. The child was right at the end of the trolley so if she'd fallen her mother wouldn't have been able to stop her.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 10/06/2017 21:48

To be blunt, it was none of your business. Sometimes the only thing you have left is to let kids figure it out for themselves because they won't bloody listen. The fact you went on and on about it to her just makes it worse.

ConConstance · 10/06/2017 21:50

If a stranger told me how to parent my child I would be seriously peed off too and given the same response.

MrsWire · 10/06/2017 21:51

I would have been so pissed off if you'd have said that to me.

Mind your own business.

Original poster

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 21:55

Yes... I won't get involved again it just isn't worth it, thank you for your replies you have reinforced what I already decided.

OP posts:

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 10/06/2017 21:59

if you're having a bad day and your child is playing up, in spite of having been told several times, I'm fairly certain a stranger pointing it out to you would not improve your day/mood.

I'm still trying to work out how I can possibly get my kids safely around a supermarket (without a buggy/buggyboard) if putting the eldest one in the trolley makes me a fuckwit... Has anyone ever seen a supermarket trolley with 3 seats??

Sorry OP that you got the sharp end of someone's tongue. Sounds to me like she wasn't having the best of days!

AfunaMbatata · 10/06/2017 22:02

I dont think you did anything wrong. If she can't be bothered to parent then What does she expect?

KERALA1 · 10/06/2017 22:05

Toddler today balancing precariously in a small high up trolley literally one foot out. She was with dad who obviously saw no problem with it - am not a precious parent but no way in hell would I have allowed either of mine to do that.

ButEmilylovedhim · 10/06/2017 22:07

I tend to think if the parent can see the dangerous behaviour, that they must be ok with the child continuing it for whatever reason. I turn away now because I can't bear to watch, I really don't want to see a child hurt when it could have been easily prevented, but I know it's none of my beeswax, not my child. That said, I think you were courageous to say something and try to save the little boy being hurt and you must have been shaken by the response you got.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/06/2017 22:09

Sometimes I give up asking my kids to behave and agree that they will learn when they hurt themselves

Fucking hell, what if their behaviour is causing possible risk to someone else,?what a shit attitude.

missiondecision · 10/06/2017 22:10

Yabu.

Original poster

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 22:11

I honestly don't know anymore. I think the little boy could have really hurt himself. I am a childrens nurse so perhaps that has some bearing on my thinking . I will stfu from now on though because it just is not worth it , thank you for your replies, it is much appreciated.

OP posts:

AfunaMbatata · 10/06/2017 22:15

Honestly, she was the shitty one, don't feel bad

chitofftheshovel · 10/06/2017 22:16

Thing is you don't know the backstory. She could have told him previously until she was blue in the face not to do it and figured out that he'd have to learn by consequence.

At that age I used to regularly tell my son not to stand on the side of the trolley. One day he did, and the trolley tipped over. He wasn't particularly hurt but shocked enough to never do it again.

All an onlooker would have seen is me "allowing" him to do it and then him getting a telling off when the trolley tipped over. To get a lecture from a stranger would have been shit.

Original poster

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 22:19

Ahh thank you Afuna

OP posts:

AfunaMbatata · 10/06/2017 22:19

You physically stop your child from doing such things not allow them to carry on.

jarhead123 · 10/06/2017 22:22

HATE kids sitting on the trolley packing shelf! I always say loudly to my two that it's not for sitting on.

Just lazy parenting! YANBU

DeadGood · 10/06/2017 22:24

I'd struggle to stand by and watch that too, OP. Who gives a shit if it pisses the parent off? People who intervene don't do so for the benefit of the parent.

backwardnames · 10/06/2017 22:24

I think the general rule is If the parent is there you can't say anything. If they aren't around it is okay.

Papafran · 10/06/2017 22:27

I said 'that is not the point you are his mother and supposed to be looking after him'

That does sound pretty patronising to be fair. I think it probably is best to keep quiet in the future. He won't kill himself falling off the bag packing shelf.

Framboise18 · 10/06/2017 22:28

Am quite shocked so many people are defending the mother. To me if someone said it I would gulp my ego at the end of the day what's more important is my kids safety. Sometimes your not watching what they are doing and having someone point out something you missed is good. I mean if the kid ran infront of traffic or something am sure no one would say anything bad by you raising awareness. Op your heart and intention was in the right place and that's all that counts, so don't feel bad you just tried to let the parent know her child could be in danger.

Original poster

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 22:30

I was really worried he was going to hurt himself and my whole working life has been in the role as a protector of children. I think I will have to just learn to 'mind my own business ' in future like MrsWire told me to.

OP posts:

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/06/2017 22:33

Mrsmadevans

You did nothing wrong. Posters have been extremely harsh.

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