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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never say anything again

81 replies

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 21:31

I was paying at the till this morning while a little boy about 3 -4 yrs old was continuously climbing & jumping off the bag packing shelf. He jumped off and landed on his back. I was very alarmed and turned to his mum and said very nicely 'your little boy is going to hurt himself jumping off there', OMG if I did she called me everything, she even said 'well he will learn then won't he when he hurts himself?' I said 'that is not the point you are his mother and supposed to be looking after him'. She said 'what is it to do with you anyway?' . I said 'it's to do with everybody because it is a child at risk of hurting himself'. It was worse than that but I won't go on , I had no one supporting me in there and no one else said anything they just put their heads down and carried on as if it wasn't happening. I just feel like what is the point in getting involved. I will just stfu in future. The shop assistant didn't say anything either ......what is the matter with people?

OP posts:
ButEmilylovedhim · 10/06/2017 22:34

OP my mum used to be a nurse and is extremely safety conscious. She says it's because she has seen so many nasty accidents. That has passed down to me and even my little dd will point out when a child is doing something dangerous. She is quite loud about it too! You were trying to do a kindness for the boy and his mother.

I've read cases on here where a person has saved a child from being run over or even falling out of a train and they get bawled out for touching the child, which was necessary, you know, to pull him/her back to safety. Literally saved the child's life and you get a load of abuse! Nought so strange as folk! I keep thinking I know that now but still I'm often surprised.

Framboise18 · 10/06/2017 22:35

I think you should do what feels right at the time whether you engage in a situation or choose not to. Trust yourself x

AfunaMbatata · 10/06/2017 22:36

Are you ok OP?

StarryCorpulentCunt · 10/06/2017 22:37

I think "try parenting your offspring, you fucking lazy cunt" would have covered it quite well but I'm in a shit mood today, hating everyone and am probably best ignored. YWNU at all, sick to death of seeing ineffectual parents letting their kids run amok. Bet if the little one hurt himself she would be looking to sue the store.

ilovepixie · 10/06/2017 22:50

What's a bag packing shelf?

Original poster
Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 22:51

Yes I thought that too Starry .
I am Ok and thank you for your concern Afuna , I just feel defeated and sad tbh . Children are so precious , so in need of guidance, love and care it's hard to see them being treated so carelessly . In my job we try everything to save them from harm and yes I have seen the end result of such accidents, nursing children on the ward and in HDU and ITU....... too many .

OP posts:
RB68 · 10/06/2017 22:53

Bloody hate parents like this and I hate people supporting their attitude when challenged. Sort your kids out and stop their feral behaviour - shops are not for climbing and jumping off something. Bet they would be first to claim for a bloody injury too.

unapaloma · 10/06/2017 22:55

What's a bag packing shelf?
Its the shelf area provided by the supermarket, near the till, for packing your bags on Hmm

AfunaMbatata · 10/06/2017 22:55

Glad you're ok Smile

tootalbugging · 10/06/2017 22:56

I'm a bit on the fence about this, but leaning more towards not saying anything next time. You weren't being completely unreasonable, and there was absolutely no need for her to talk to you like that. I totally get why you said it.
On the other hand, we never know what another parent is going through in that moment, if the child has any special needs or any manner of backstory that may not be helped by a stranger piping up and undermining her parenting.

frenchchick9 · 10/06/2017 23:00

YANBU, OP! It takes a village and all that.

Blimey, that's why internet shopping was invented...

You don't ALLOW your dc to do dangerous shit like that.

needsomesunshineandwine · 10/06/2017 23:01

You definitely are not being unreasonable.

B19M · 10/06/2017 23:01

Was it the bag packing shelf in Aldi? I've seen a small child doing exactly what you describe-very dangerous. It's just extremely lazy parenting imo.
The mother was way out of line and you were in the right. I'm very glad there are brave people like you around. Don't let it get you down. Some of the comments on your thread are ridiculous. Flowers

llangennith · 10/06/2017 23:06

You did the right thing OP. It's not patronising to try to protect a child from injury when its crap mother can't be bothered to.
She probably knew she wasn't doing her job properly and got defensive. Carry on being youFlowers

Xmasbaby11 · 10/06/2017 23:07

Honestly, my 5yo dd can be a bit wild and i struggle to stop her running round etc but I wouldn't let her endanger herself on that way. I sometimes worry I'm not being strict enough, or being too strict. If the behaviour was risky enough to warrant a stranger commenting, I would respond to it and stop the behaviour. I would think I wasn't paying enough attention.

The mother must be a more confident mother than me - don't know if that's good or bad.

elephantoverthehill · 10/06/2017 23:10

I might have got the wrong end of the stick, but isn't child protection every one's issue?

B19M · 10/06/2017 23:11

You haven't got the wrong end of the stick elephant

ErrolTheDragon · 10/06/2017 23:12

I think you were right to try to warn the parent. Risk of child getting hurt weighed against risk of being verbally abused....no contest really, is there? And you know, sometimes if the parent hasn't realised the potential problem, they might even be grateful.

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/06/2017 23:13

Generally it is not anyone's place to correct other parents. In fact, if you really want to enrage someone, criticize their parenting in public and do it with a patronizing tone and there are those who directly address the child as if they were the parent, not sure which is worse. I think you yourself would see red, Op.

But, in this case, it sounds kind of crazy to me that she let him jump up and down off a bagging shelf like that over and over. There are times we should speak up. I think maybe your tone and how you phrased it is what made her upset.

B19M · 10/06/2017 23:14

I think maybe your tone and how you phrased it is what made her upset.

mogulfield · 10/06/2017 23:15

I'd have said something, I can't bare to see children or animals in danger (or potential danger).
I was once on a baking hot train and this poor baby wasn't dressed in a full on fleece/waterproof onesie. Cheeks were bright red and she was crying for a full hour pulling at this huge all in one before I decided to strike up a conversation.
It took half an hour of chatting for me to have the courage to say 'it's very very hot on here, do you think she might be hot?' To which mum replied 'she has a cold, she's sweating it out'. Hmm
I just left it then, broke my heart listening to her cry (I am particularly sensitive to this as I was neglected as a child and my son has febrile convulsions).
Anyway, long winded way of saying you did the right thing. Mumsnet always want to stay out of things, I just can't. (Including telling my friend they were being cheated on, I can't know and not tell someone, I'd want to know).

tararabumdeay · 10/06/2017 23:15

Shopping with small children is not a hobby. Likewise walking along high streets with dangerous dogs, or any dogs, is not what to do.

Take them to the park.

mogulfield · 10/06/2017 23:17

And if someone was concerned for my sons safety I would feel defensive, take a deep breath, and then take their point on board.
Nobody likes being corrected, but if it was valid I'd thank them later (especially if I hadn't noticed).

B19M · 10/06/2017 23:17

I think maybe your tone and how you phrased it is what made her upset.

^
The OP explicitly states she phrased it nicely, so we have to assume it wasn't her tone. The OP presumably has good communication skills, being a paediatric nurse & all.

barefootinkitchen · 10/06/2017 23:18

I sympathise with you as it's hard to watch kids being hurt and not try to prevent it. It's true that people will go on the defensive so best not to say anything. I saw this man walking through a busy supermarket car park to his car letting his 2 kids just follow some way behind. He just got into his car and got in, not even looking behind him. They were pre schoolers. I felt upset and worried after seeing it. I don't know why but after having a child I think I worry more for kids in general. It must be worse if you're a nurse seeing the results of accidents.

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