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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To never say anything again

81 replies

Mrsmadevans · 10/06/2017 21:31

I was paying at the till this morning while a little boy about 3 -4 yrs old was continuously climbing & jumping off the bag packing shelf. He jumped off and landed on his back. I was very alarmed and turned to his mum and said very nicely 'your little boy is going to hurt himself jumping off there', OMG if I did she called me everything, she even said 'well he will learn then won't he when he hurts himself?' I said 'that is not the point you are his mother and supposed to be looking after him'. She said 'what is it to do with you anyway?' . I said 'it's to do with everybody because it is a child at risk of hurting himself'. It was worse than that but I won't go on , I had no one supporting me in there and no one else said anything they just put their heads down and carried on as if it wasn't happening. I just feel like what is the point in getting involved. I will just stfu in future. The shop assistant didn't say anything either ......what is the matter with people?

OP posts:

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/06/2017 23:36

Most people have the instinct to try and stop others being hurt, especially children. You did your best, the mother must have been having a bad day.

I saw a toddler stand up in her pushchair and start climbing up the back of it. I was worried the chair was going to over balance sending her face first onto the concrete floor. I told her mother 'She's climbing up, I'm worried she's going to fall' the mother also said 'Well she'll learn not to do it won't she'. Personally I think risking a broken nose, broken teeth, and a concussion is kind of a harsh way of teaching children things.

Ellieboolou27 · 10/06/2017 23:40

Op from your post and your replies you sound humble, caring and considerate.

I always want to say something to the parent when I see a newborn out in the cold with no hat! I've always held back though for fear of being on the receiving end of a reaction like you had.

As parents we all take out eye off the ball sometimes. So, if a stranger had mentioned anything to me I'd say thanks, even if I was seething inside, unless they were down right rude of course.

Beerwench · 11/06/2017 00:32

Re - the shop assistant saying nothing - After a customer made a complaint, it was upheld, and I was bollocked for asking a parent to stop their children running around in the pub I worked in, for safety reasons, last year I keep my mouth shut. I was polite and asked could they stop them running about while I'm carrying plates, hot food and glasses, because they'd bumped me twice and I'd nearly tipped soup all over the smallest one! I was told to be more careful
People get very very defensive about their children and parenting, ime, and if you upset someone, no matter how reasonable and polite you are, you'll likely get both barrels, even if their child's safety is at risk.
That said I've done the whole 'get on with it then' when my DC have decided to totally ignore me, sometimes learning something themselves is far more effective than you being ignored.

toomuchtooold · 11/06/2017 06:17

The bag packing shelf at Aldi/Lidl is about a metre off the ground, am I right? And the kid was three or four? I can see why it was bloody irritating, but dangerous enough to have to speak up? No. My kids would have done that in the park and even playing out at Kindergarten and none of their teachers would have stopped them. Perhaps the mother intuited that you were making a safety issue out of it because you wanted the kid to stop misbehaving but didn't feel entitled to intervene unless it was to do with safety. In which case her giving you a mouthful was more understandable, particularly as you carried on once she told you to.mind your own business.

sexcauldron · 11/06/2017 06:38

I don't think you were wrong to say something. I'll never forget about 5 or 6 years ago being in a supermarket and a little lad probably 3 or 4 was standing in the shopping part of a large trolley, unsupervised, he leaned forward, fell straight over the end (did a flip) and landed smack bang on the top of his head. The noise of it and the screams he made were horrific. I wanted to shake his stupid parents and say "what the fuck were you thinking?!"

mailfuckoff · 11/06/2017 06:55

I was at legoland on the Viking ride that is similar to the one at Drayton manor where that poor girl died. I told my two (9 and 7) to hold on tight and stay seated at all times. The other family in the boat with us had a little one (around 3?) Who wouldn't hold on and was moving around. My heart was in my mouth and I said something to the mum which didn't make me popular but I couldn't stop myself

Trifleorbust · 11/06/2017 07:05

From what you said, I think you came across like you were giving her parenting lessons - never, ever going to go down well.

londonrach · 11/06/2017 07:07

Yanbu.

Takes a village to raise a child. Where i grow up people still arent afraid to help. Cant understand why children allowed in the basket bit of the trolley when theres signs saying not to.

midsummabreak · 11/06/2017 07:11

Keep being you and standing up for the children xxoo

Trifleorbust · 11/06/2017 07:16

The phrase 'It takes a village...' is sometimes used very piously, isn't it? I think the concept requires (like in a village) the people getting involved in parenting someone else's child to actually know the child and the parents. It's not a licence for total strangers to assume responsibility for parenting my children.

If a child is in serious danger or is placing others in danger I will intervene, but otherwise I leave parenting to the parents.

Zeffering · 11/06/2017 07:17

I witnessed a similar incident in a local shop a couple of months ago.
A guy was minding his own business in the wine aisle and a couple weren't minding their children and one of the children pulled a wine bottle off the shelf and it smashed all over the floor and the little one was covered in red wine and glass and the guy too.

He remonstrated with the Tracy wearing chav couple who got mouthy and basically he dropped the guy flat on his arise with one punch and grabbed the women by the throat and made her apologise.

As he walked out he said 'A quick lesson in manners my apologies' to the shopkeeper to which he replied Don't worry the cctv is not working and I see nothing'

I laughed my head off nothing better than tramp justice

ParadiseLaundry · 11/06/2017 07:20

YABU, just mind your own business next time, as PP have said you have seen just five minutes of that family's day.

cordeliavorkosigan · 11/06/2017 07:24

Yesterday I saw a girl about 6 cycling with her mum on the road in London, wobbling near a big van and a car, narrow road, no helmet. What were they thinking? Couldn't say anything, we weren't close enough.

Littlepond · 11/06/2017 07:36

See, it would really piss me off if you said it to me but I'd just inwardly roll my eyes, saying "yup, ok" to you, then moan about you to DH later... no need for rudeness.

I recently had to pop back into the house to grab something after we'd left for school, we'd been walking about a minute. my kids are 7, 9 and 11. A lady was walking past us with her dog when I said to the kids "oh just wait there, I'll be 2 seconds" and I ran back to the house. When I came out the dog lady was stood there staring at my kids and said to me "I could hardly just leave these kids on their own while you ran off! What sort of mother are you?" I was like, what?! I just said to her "uh, ok..." and we walked off. I had a right moan about her to my friends at the school though!!

YogiYoni · 11/06/2017 07:40

"You seem to have your hands full. Can I help at all?" might have been more useful.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 11/06/2017 07:45

You weren't wrong OP and meant well, but I don't think offering even well meaning parental advice would go down well with most people.

BeyondThePage · 11/06/2017 07:53

the first sentence was all that was needed. "he's going to hurt himself..." - that gives the warning in case she hasn't seen etc

anything after that is superfluous and what the mum would get cheesed off about, sounds like you know best.

If you are worried, you tell her, then back off...

Tamatoa · 11/06/2017 08:12

My son won't listen. Ever. And although I'd never allow actual danger, I have given up on telling him to look where he walks etc.

Cupcakegirl13 · 11/06/2017 08:15

You saw a mere snap shot in time , I've lost count of how many times I've repeatedly asked my toddler not to do something unsafe , got them down from somewhere , reprimanded etc etc when out . If she was at the checkout she was likely trying to juggle that situation and pack her bags. Don't judge her her for a few seconds of what you saw , you have no idea what preceded it. I'm a risk aware good mum but with the best will
In the world you can't strap your child to you whilst shopping.

ilovepixie · 11/06/2017 12:41

What's a bag packing shelf?
Its the shelf area provided by the supermarket, near the till, for packing your bags on

I've never seen one before. In my supermarket the cashier or myself pack the goods as they are scanned.

rightwhine · 11/06/2017 13:37

I'm with you op.

If I'd have witnessed it then I would have supported you and commented to the mum that you were only concerned about the child.

But then i've been warned that my big mouth will get me into trouble one day so perhaps we should all STFU.

Last week I told some queue jumpers to get to the back of the line in a theme park. Some day I'm going to regret it like you.

Louiselouie0890 · 11/06/2017 14:45

You meant well but I dont think you phrased it well. If she knew what he was doing and was happy then I wouldn't have stepped in she's the parent.

DeadGood · 11/06/2017 15:01

"Generally it is not anyone's place to correct other parents."

I disagree with this position. Once again, it places more importance on the feelings of the parent, than the safety of the child.

People who intervene don't do so because they want the parent to feel bad. They do it to protect the child. Bit pathetic really that people let their ego get in the way of that.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 11/06/2017 15:04

You sound well meaning op, but maybe didn't choose your words well. Offering to help with him as pp suggested might have come across better than a ticking off, (which is what "you are his mother..." sounds like).

It's all too easy to make judgements about other people's parenting, (as mumsnet proves daily), much more useful to lend a hand. I'm pretty sure the whole "it takes a village" thing isn't limited to criticising other parents.

ArchieStar · 11/06/2017 15:40

See I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. I think your wording could've been slightly better but as you're a children's nurse I totally get the language used. It annoys me when I see kids acting like that in shops, they could seriously injure themselves and you can guarantee it's always certain types of parents that allow it to happen that would soon jump on the "where there's blame there's a claim" etc.

I think I would've been typically PA about it and said "oh be careful, you could really hurt yourself on there couldn't you!" To the child instead of directing to the parent because as PPs have said, poor mum could've been having a bad day and reached the end of her tether and you, without meaning to, have tipped her over the edge.

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