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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy my DS a dress?

532 replies

Isthereanyusernamesleft · 10/06/2017 21:26

I've one DS, he is my first & last (traumatic birth).

He's only 10 weeks so is still quite neutral I.E you can't necessarily tell he's a boy yet!

I think dresses are lovely & as I don't follow this gender society crap of girls wear dresses & pink & boys wear blue & trousers.....I don't see the issue in putting my DS in a dress.

However, everyone else thinks it's wrong!

Is it??

OP posts:
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drspouse · 13/06/2017 15:09

Babies do not care what they wear but to dress a boy in a dress when they are of a age to realize it isn't the social norm and they have not asked to wear the dress I think is harmful.

So it's fine to put a baby boy in a dress? They won't realise it's not the social norm. But that's not what you said before. No wonder you are having problems being understood.

I'm pretty sure if a primary school aged boy who was wearing a dress told his teacher it wasn't through choice I think that teacher would have to report it.
You really think that would happen??
And what has it got to do with the subject?
Would you suggest a girl who didn't like dresses but her parents made her wear one, would also be a safeguarding concern?

babsjonhson · 13/06/2017 15:09

Buy yourself a dress. Or is that gender crap and not attention seeking enough?

BusterGonad · 13/06/2017 15:14

Drspouse hmmm, didn't I already respond with this?
Oh come on drspouse is not really the same is it, of course the baby isn't going to give a damn at 10 weeks old, but my concern is will the mother carry on dressing the child as a Girl when the child is old enough to understand and then become confused themselves.

BusterGonad · 13/06/2017 15:23

drspouse it's funny how you always crop up after the delightful notomatoes.
Oh and some people that have kids are fucked up and do do horrendous things to their children, so yes I believe a lot of things can happen.

drspouse · 13/06/2017 16:21

Buster if you are accusing me and notomatoes of sock puppetry the correct thing to do is report us.

So is it abuse, or not, for a parent to put a girl in a dress who doesn't want to wear one?

And what does "dressing as a girl" mean? Is there a legal framework for clothing that is designed (according to God) for boys versus girls? Pink? Polkadots? Ballerinas? Blue? Dinosaurs? Trucks? Am I dressing my DD as a boy if she wears a truck t-shirt and blue trousers?

Morphene · 13/06/2017 16:27

gender stereotyping: You are either part of the problem or the solution.

If you conform in your choices for your child, then you are part of the problem.

If you encourage your children to conform in their own choices (by telling them they will be bullied if they don't - or any other means) then you are part of the problem.

If you belittle others for not conforming, or question their mental health, or generally bully them into conforming, then you are part of the problem.

Its a big problem and a huge number of people are part of it.

If people think their child hasn't been affected by it because they are doing okay at school in spite of wearing a lot of pink frilly dresses with sparkles, then they really need to think again. I mean, imagine how well they would have done if they hadn't been systematically underestimated by all the adults they came into contact with for their entire childhood!

Morphene · 13/06/2017 16:28

drspouse happily the supermarkets label clothes by the god given (though obviously super recent and rather transient) gender appropriateness of them. This takes the guess work out if you are unsure if pink socks will be toxic to your male child.

LauraMipsum · 13/06/2017 16:41

This is a good illustration of how social pressures reinforce gender norms.

Of course YANBU OP to put your BABY into BABY clothes. There is nothing inherently male or female about a dress. Particularly in this weather, a dress and a nappy may be much more comfortable than a babygro. Put him in what you think looks nice and what he will be comfy in.

I wear winter clothes in winter and summer clothes in summer. Looking round seeing all the men sweating in long sleeved shirts and ties and jackets in summer, and all the women shivering in skirts and sheer tights in winter, I wonder exactly who is meant to be "deranged" and I'm fairly sure it's not people who attribute gender characteristics to pieces of cloth.

drspouse · 13/06/2017 16:43

Oh dear then Morphene I hope Buster is going to report me (to who? God? My DD's nursery? Social services?) for dressing both of my children in clothing from the inappropriate gender section in the supermarket.

Today DD is wearing:
A pair of Boden leggings that are blue, but from the girls' section. They have a rabbit pattern. DS has a matching pair, or at least he had them till he wore them out. Soooo confusing!
A white top which has no frills but has an owl - are owls for girls? I think they are. But maybe it was from the boys' section as it has no frills!
A pair of Primark George Pig pants as she chose those over the Peppa pants. Maybe she will grow a penis?

DS is in school uniform but last week wore his favourite polka-dot trousers which are beige but from the girls' section because round objects are more girly (you try getting boys' clothes with spots on - see Delusions of Gender). He wanted spotty trousers and I didn't say NO DS you can't have them because they are for girls, I just bought them from the girls' section.

Morphene · 13/06/2017 16:52
Shock

you rebel.

I am so cool and gender challenging that I can't be arsed to shave my arm pits. Not even for going swimming. Totally bonkers eh?

I let my DD swim with no top on once, because she wanted to and she was 5yo at the time. Utterly nuts.

I honestly didn't know that spots are designated for girls, but now you mention it of course I see it!

So what is up with that then? Why are spots supposedly inappropriate for boys?

notomatoes · 13/06/2017 17:01

Oooh drspouse, I've never seen you in the same room as me...

Lucky for me DS likes trains a lot at the moment and trains are Perfectly Acceptable for a boy so I will not be joining you in prison and/or hell.

MaQueen · 13/06/2017 17:04

Gawd I wish I was so outre, and different, and rebellious, and just too cool for school though not clever enough for actual real life where most parents don't wilfully encourage their child to get a thorough kicking in the boy's loos for turning up at secondary school in a friggin tutu

Morphene · 13/06/2017 17:08

I feel a graph coming on....is the number of edges in your geometrical shape predictive of the boy/girl bias?

How are squares? What of triangles?

This needs investigating!

drspouse · 13/06/2017 17:09

My friend whose boy likes to wear dresses says that it's the girls who are rude to him and the boys shrug their shoulders and say "whatevs".

drspouse · 13/06/2017 17:10

Morphene I think the study that is reported in Delusions of Gender has more variables.
Me, I just spend ages trying to find non-frilly trousers with spots on, Ebay searching is frustrating enough.
I'd say triangles - boy
squares - not that common for children's clothes.

drspouse · 13/06/2017 17:11

Oh oops I forgot gingham and plaid.
So squares, boys = girls.

Morphene · 13/06/2017 17:14

also you need to control for the fact that girls need MORE clothes altogether (because god says so)

146 million plays 107 million.

oh.....triangles 15 million plays 19 million (so triangles are for boys then!)

squares 1.4 million for both (so just a boy thing given the bias in total)

pentagons 27 million v. 6 million....so a girl thing!

hexagons 17 million v 3.5 million....a girl thing!

icosahedron 9 million v. 2 million...a girl thing!

Morphene · 13/06/2017 17:17

stars are 54 mill to 39 mill....so stars on girls are not as edgy as you might thing :)

FizzyGreenWater · 13/06/2017 17:18

But he's 10 weeks, so he will look just as rubbish in a dress as any 10 week old baby - girl or boy.

Babies look cute in little sleepsuits because they also look comfy, like the person caring for them is aware of what they need to sleep comfortably and be warm. A baby in a cute patterned sleepsuit looks like a proper baby.

Whereas a 10 week old in a dress generally looks as if it's not as comfy as it could be and it's all a bit silly - looks like it's being dressed up like a dolly. Flouncy silly stuff, and because they're laying down all the time they just look bunched up in a load of material.

So yes YABU but mainly because you have no baby taste - girl or boy.

BusterGonad · 13/06/2017 17:19

I knew you'd shop in Boden.

drspouse · 13/06/2017 17:23

As opposed to?

MissBax · 13/06/2017 17:26

A bit late to the thread and have only read the OP, but if you don't buy into the whole gender thing why would you buy a dress?

drspouse · 13/06/2017 17:34

MissBax the OP says she likes the look of them.

Many of us have said we don't like the look of them on babies, but have conceded that the OP is entitled to her opinion regarding how they look on babies. The OP may change her mind (as some PPs have done) regarding their practicality on babies (as her DC is not here yet I think).

I, personally, like the look of pink on my DS so have put him in pink, and he also chooses pink sometimes himself (he is now 5).
His willy hasn't dropped off yet.

MissBax · 13/06/2017 17:46

I wouldn't find it weird if it were a generally neutral dress - loads of boys wear white dresses for year Christening / Baptism or whatever, but if it was something bright, lacy and frilly I'd find it odd.

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