Ex taking DC abroad to Tunisia

[Eilasor]

Ex is Tunisian living in an EU country. DC have been visiting him twice a year and he has been visiting us in England once a year for the 5 years of their lives. DC have met ex's mother and a couple of cousins once, but apart from that haven't met any of his family. Hence why Ex wants DC this accompany him to a family reunion/gathering in Tunisia in September. It doesn't sit right with me (I think I am being unreasonable, probably), it doesn't seem like a safe place to travel to and I'm terrified of simply allowing my children out of the EU without me. I don't know what to do. I want to be fair and understanding, but the idea of it really upsets and unsettles me. AIBU?

I wouldn't. I'd be concerned about abduction for one thing. I dont think you;re over reacting.

No, I really don't think I would b happy either. Hide their passports while you think it over.
Is it possible he would not bring them back? That would be my first concern.

Could you go with them?

No way - have a look at Foreign Office advice
www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/tunisia
I'm surprised he'd think it a goo idea with the current security situation, which would set alarm bells ringing with regard to abduction.

How old are the children? If it's in term time I'd automatically refuse on that basis. But I can see it would be nice for them to know wider family.
Are you concerned about general safety in Tunisia? I am not sure of the current advice but I'd imagine a family gathering would be safer than tourist areas as a target for crime.

Safety wise i think it would depend very much where his family lived. It is not as though the UK is perfectly safe either tbf.

In terms of abduction- do you think he would?

I can see why you are worried but if he is a reasonable person, it does seem harsh that the children can't see their extended family ever.

He has had 5 years worth of opportunity to kidnap the kids, yet he hasnt. so i think yabu to stop them meeting half of their family

I have already said no, but the guilt that my children don't know their family is starting to bother me. I have been to his hometown with him while we were dating some years ago, It's a semi-Tourist area (costal to the East of Tunis), but not an area popular with Europeans.

It's not in term time (first week of September, I also would have refused on those grounds), children are 4 and 5.

I could potentially travel with them, but I would have to bring my step-son with me which adds complications.

In addition, DC have never spent more than a couple of days alone with my ex before. I am not overly concerned about abduction though.

I don't know his family well at all, so as much as I trust my ex, how can I trust them?

Apologies for seeking advice from you all, you're being very helpful. DH is 'staying out of it', which is infuriating.

Only a couple of days to flying so far from home is a big leap. Perhaps suggest a stepping stone or two for them to get to know h better before throwing a whole bunch on unknown relatives into their lives?

how many stepping stones do you need?

he has already had them to himself in a foreign country

its closer to london than Rome is

offherhead - it's a huge leap, and it really came out of the blue. We've talked about increasing contact more recently, and even briefly mentioned him taking them to Disneyland but I think he's taken the "I can travel with them" ball and is running with it, getting way ahead of himself.

Why would you have to take your stepson?
And at 4 and 5 I think missing a few days of school for something so important is fine. How long a trip is he planning?

In your position I'd probably say yes for 5-7 days and accompany them (to Tunisia, if not the family do).

araiwa - I know that im potentially overreacting. He has only had them alone in Europe for a couple of days at a time, while I was also in the same country.

Hi Op I would just say no
There will be so many opportunities when they are a little bit older.

barbarian - my husband works away, we don't live near to family and therefore my step son would have to be wherever I was. The proposed trip was for a week.

I am going to look into whether or not me accompanying them could work. It's my job to give my children a fair chance to know their family, isn't it?

But I really am so concerned about safety.

I wouldn't want my children of that age to be in a different country to me. What if there is another volcano in Iceland and flights are suspended for a week? What if one of them got sick and needed to be in hospital? At that age I wouldn't want my kids more than a few hours drive from me.

theyre with their dad- im sure he can take care of his own kids during a volcano or illness

No, not to Tunisia, other countries maybe but not Tunisia because of the FCO advice.

The whole country is in the " don't travel unless absolutely necessary" ...."

Unless he is an action man how could he protect them in terrorist trouble or the like?

No - the foreign office advise against travel to Tunisia atm. It is also a country you would not get the children back from if his family persuaded him not to return them. People suggesting you let him might not be so magnanimous if it were there own children in question.

There is bound to be far more to such a complete travel warning than one bus bomb...

Absolutely not. Tunisia is not a safe country, and if his family persuade him to keep the children there, there is fuck all you can do.

Generally I would say YABU, that unless you have a concern about abduction, and as long as ex is a generally good dad then I is important to see that part of their family.

However the warning against travel would worry me, so I am a bit on the fence. Could you let ex know you are saying no for now but would consider a trip another time when things are a bit safer?