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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what are the best things about having a little boy?

353 replies

KeplerYellow · 06/06/2017 14:51

I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and really excited to be having a boy. I am however getting a bit scared about the whole giving birth part, so trying to focus on the bigger picture. I would love to hear how great it is to have a son to help me concentrate on the positives.

OP posts:
BuckinghamLass · 07/06/2017 16:46

squoosh you don't love your children enough, so you'll never understand.

squoosh · 07/06/2017 16:49

It's sad Buckingham isn't it? Grin Maybe I need to read a bit more DH Lawrence.

SerfTerf · 07/06/2017 16:50

I love My boys and can't imagine how girls would differ TBH

They don't. I have both and they've all been great. All human. All good fun and nice children to be with, if I do say so myself. If there was some sex-specific thing going on, I completely missed it.

Except that I now don't spend much on tampons for son. #soblessed

gallicgirl · 07/06/2017 16:51

I'd like to say I parent my son and daughter in the same way but I had PND after having my daughter and returned to work full time whereas I work part time now.

Both children are independent but DS definitely needs more attention and is far more active. DD was happier to entertain herself.

Today I was telling off DS in the supermarket when he pulled me close and just kissed me lots. Hard to be mean after that.
He also just made me be quiet so I could hear him fart.

He's a mixed blessing!

Grin
blue2014 · 07/06/2017 16:52

It's ok not to get it, that's fine.

I do actually think it's an indescribable love but there is no need to take the piss or humiliate another mother because you don't feel the same way. The poster was just trying to use language (which is often inadequate at communicating what we really feel) to describe that intense love. Romance is so idealised in society that linguistically it seems like a fair enough comparison and, my point is, you surely knew that's what she was doing. Giving her best attempt at describing something indescribable. What she wasn't doing was being creepy as fuck, it's surely only creepy if you felt she actually intends to bonk or marry her son. you realise that's another real person on the end of her message don't you? Lately I feel that people are forgetting that.

Jellymuffin · 07/06/2017 17:06

I think it is similar to that poor poster who said that she wanted to eat her new born baby - I understood completely where she was coming from but she was jumped on by horribly literal people too, not concerned with the fact she was an overwhelmed new mum trying to put into words feelings she couldn't articulate. Mother love is powerful and eludes description.

Coddiwomple · 07/06/2017 17:09

I don't understand it either. I am not even going into the creepy interpretation, but I have never been -or wanted to be - friend with any of my kids, as much as I love them it's still a parent/child relationship, so I really struggle to put some kind of romance in it? It makes sense in my head..

nokidshere · 07/06/2017 17:18

Of course boys and girls differ. They are not the same. Neither are any two children of the same gender. All children are unique.

I have two boys. They couldn't be more different from each other. I haven't parented them the same, each of them require different things from me.

I have treated them both equally in terms of love, time, fairness, and opportunity though.

They are 16 & 18 now, still totally different, still both my boys, gorgeous, funny, articulate and so much fun - probably just the same as they would have been had they been girls? Because I'm a great parent? Or because that's who they are anyway regardless.

The problem with this debate is that none of us will ever know if our children are who they are because of or in spite of us.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 17:19

This is the inevitable backlash.

I don't think some of the misogynist comments and dismissive stereotypes about girls can be explained away as "inevitable backlash", nor that it'd be acceptable if it was. It's extremely disheartening to see how many women see myself and my peers in such disparaging terms and think so little of us, though it has been quite eye opening.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 17:25

how many dads don't want their daughter to date ANYONE - why is that?

Misogyny and feelings of male ownership over women. The notion that another man is with "his" girl. Also lack of respect given to women's sexual autonomy.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 17:27

They are 16 & 18 now, still totally different, still both my boys, gorgeous, funny, articulate and so much fun - probably just the same as they would have been had they been girls? Because I'm a great parent? Or because that's who they are anyway regardless.

Quite. I would say the same about all my fantastic female friends as would their parents. I'd also say the same about my brothers, even if we terrorise one another. It's nothing to do with sex, children are children. I'm also sure it's partly down to your parenting as my fantastic parents are a huge part of why my brothers and myself are very happy and have such a lovely family life.

beepbeepimasheep · 07/06/2017 17:28

Thanks to my son, I could win Mastermind with my knowledge of street machinery. He also has a tool box which is his pride and joy and it's brilliant because I am disorganised and can never find a screw driver when I need one.

Boys, like girls, are fantastic.

Thingsgettingstranger · 07/06/2017 17:47

I've got both. DS is caring, clever, mature, energetic and affectionate. He's so lovely and always has been. Now 17 and in college but he'll always be my energetic little monkey! Dd is 16 and is quieter, but apart from that they're both the same and I love them both so much Smile Both extremely awesome kids, just like I'm sure your DS will be op!

MrsJamin · 07/06/2017 18:05

betting all the moaning is not being done by mothers of only boys
Jellymuffin I'm a mum of two boys and I moaned. Sex stereotypes hurt boys and girls.

nooka · 07/06/2017 19:45

My children when small said at times that they never wanted to leave home (I'll stay with you and look after you for ever Mummy) and we had a lot of conversations that went:
'Mummy' 'Mummy' 'Mummy' 'Mummy' 'Mummy'
'yes dd/ds'
'I love you'

Which was lovely and heart warming, but not in any way romantic or boy/girl friend like. They later told me it was because they'd forgotten what it was they wanted to ask, and knew they'd get a positive response after being quite annoying Grin

They also declared that they wanted to marry lots of people, including each other. It's not really a very meaningful idea to small children beyond living together I think.

The loving relationship between a parent and child is a fantastic one, unique and special. It doesn't need to be compared to any other relationship you will ever have.

MercuryMadness · 07/06/2017 21:05

I have one independent, non talkative, introverted child who - when you try to hug them - is like a bag of bones. Thoughtful, a bit withdrawn.

I have another child who is soft and cuddly, chats away, tells silly stories, incredibly affectionate. Sleeps in our bed every night.

Guess which one is a boy and which one a girl?

Answer: they are both girls.

Newsflash: boys are not more affectionate than girls.

nokidshere · 07/06/2017 23:10

Newsflash: boys are not more affectionate than girls

Newsflash: some boys are more affectionate than some girls

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 23:15

Quite so Mercury.

nokidshere no idea what your point is. Some are, some aren't. Some children are more affectionate than other children.

nokidshere · 07/06/2017 23:18

My point was just that. You can't say boys are not more affectionate than girls, because clearly that's not an accurate statement.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 23:21

Unless you're being incredibly pedantic it certainly is accurate to say "boys are not more affectionate than girls" in the manner it was posted, that is clearly meaning that all boys are not more affectionate than girls. Affection is a trait which daughters and sons are just as likely to show parents. Some will more than others, no matter their sex.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 07/06/2017 23:40

I feel really sad. I feared the thread would turn into some sort of accusations of Oedipus / anti girl / this is a load of schmaltz and it has.

I've got a son and a daughter, but I was going to contribute here as to how especially sweet and generally delightful my little boy is. Not that my daughter isn't too but they are close in age and very different.

I wanted to share some lovely little examples of things he has said and done which have almost broken my heart with how pure and utterly joyful they are, but I don't think I'll bother now.

SerfTerf · 08/06/2017 00:13

Unless you're being incredibly pedantic

Smile
bigbuttons · 08/06/2017 06:24

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness it's probably or the best hat we don't have yet another example of how heartbreakingly lovely little boys can be.

Trifleorbust · 08/06/2017 06:43

Oh this is great reading. How many under the counter stereotypes and stealth boasts can we fit into one thread? Yay!

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 07:37

Don't worry Ginlinessisnexttogodliness, it's only a very small minority who dislike the male gender so much that they cannot even bear to hear something positive about a little child. There are some very bitter people on this forum, ignore them.