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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what are the best things about having a little boy?

353 replies

KeplerYellow · 06/06/2017 14:51

I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and really excited to be having a boy. I am however getting a bit scared about the whole giving birth part, so trying to focus on the bigger picture. I would love to hear how great it is to have a son to help me concentrate on the positives.

OP posts:
OhGood · 07/06/2017 11:08

One of each here too!

On DS: god he is gorgeous. He's 3 and just a chubby-handed larky little ball of energy and affection and silliness and sweetness.

OP - you are going on a wonderful adventure and I wish I was just starting out too. Enjoy it!

Whathaveilost · 07/06/2017 11:08

I have two DS. One is nearly 21 and the other is 17.
There is no 'best bit'

It has all been wonderful! I wish I could rewind and do it all over again with them.

EveningShadows · 07/06/2017 11:09

Noloveofmine, I agree with you but I also agree with the posters who've said that a lot of the OTT comments from mums of boys about how amazing they are comes from a defensive stance from years of being pitied and patronised because we didn't have the holy grail of a daughter. It's wearing and distressing sometimes (especially when my boys were little and I was tired and hormonal) and can lead to a desire to turn things on their head.

I'm a teacher and a mum of two boys and I can categorically state that half this stuff is nonsense (my eldest DS is fiercely independent and not very affectionate at all!) and lots of mums have one of each gender and then declare themselves experts on the difference between the sexes from their large study of one! Grin

I think if there were fewer threads on here talking about "gender disappointment" (god how I hate that phrase!) when women find out they're having a boy and are "devastated", you might get fewer comments like the ones one here. Maybe.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 11:23

Thanks for the post EveningShadows. I think it's wrong to have that kind of attitude and unpleasant to express it to anyone about their child (though studies show the majority of people want sons, if I wasn't on my phone with low battery I'd link to a recent one from America). My parents have myself and my two brothers and I know they'd have been joyous no matter the mix of sexes or if we'd all been one or the other. I'd find it very disheartening if my mum (or dad) was thinking along the lines of some of the posts here (one I recall said she had a daughter and son but there was something more special about her son, or words along those lines). I can certainly understand it'd be upsetting if people were suggesting or outright saying you'd be disappointed with a son, something it'd never cross my mind to think and is pretty silly sentiment.

However, this thread swiftly went beyond delight at having boys into sexism and misogyny. Girls being hard work, manipulative, having dramas, being less loving, nightmare teens, and so forth, not to mention the stereotypes of behaviour (I always loved Lego, cars, dinosaurs and running around kicking balls as a child, so did one of my brothers, the other was/is much quieter and not sporting at all - I'm not sure which of us are girls and which boys). As you say from your experience, this is all nonsense, and it's due to this I've found the thread rather disheartening.

GahBuggerit · 07/06/2017 11:29

Well it's not exactly a myth for me if I have myself seen it happen and heard about it many, many, many times from the mums of girls I know.

As I say though, just my experience and those of the mums of girls I know. I'm in no doubt that my boys will have their own crap for me to deal with but for now they do seem easier than the girls of the same age.

EveningShadows · 07/06/2017 11:31

That's interesting NoLoveofMine - that's certainly not been my experience, I wonder whether the study asked men and women. All of the pity and unpleasant comments have come from women not men.

I agree about the crazy stereotyping though - in my class of 9 year olds I have way more friendship dramas with the boys than the girls. This is unusual but not unique. And a lot of the behaviour around trucks/Lego/dress up etc is unconscious learned behaviour from an extremely young age.

bigbuttons · 07/06/2017 11:37

NoLoveofMine it is my favourite emoticon- so much so I find myself wishing I had it to hand in RL situations.

Haudyerwheesht · 07/06/2017 11:39

I have a boy and a girl (and I haven't RTFT).

My boy is 10 now and he was an adorable toddler and very loving and sweet. He's a bit of an introvert like me and likes time alone now and is a bit stressy and hormonal just now!!!

For balance my daughter is 6 and wasn't cuddly as a baby but is now and out of the two of them she was and is by far more dare devil and naughty and cheeky than her brother.

It really does just depend on the individual child. My son does football and my daughter does dance and they are stereotypical boy and girl in some ways but lots of things affect their personalities much
More than gender. For example like I said my son is an introvert , my daughter is an extrovert. He's more quiet but self assured, my daughter is louder but isn't as self assured. My son is much more open with his feelings and emotions whereas my daughter is more of a closed book. Really what gender they are is a bit of a red herring.

NoLoveofMine · 07/06/2017 11:42

I agree about the crazy stereotyping though - in my class of 9 year olds I have way more friendship dramas with the boys than the girls. This is unusual but not unique. And a lot of the behaviour around trucks/Lego/dress up etc is unconscious learned behaviour from an extremely young age.

Very much so. 'Delusions of Gender' by Cordelia Fine is excellent on the latter point. To the former, quite. I find the talk of "dramas" with girls infuriating especially as I see the younger girls at my school and love how close they are, how they look out for one another, the fantastic supportive friendships they form, just as I have there. I think when girls fall out it's seen as "typical girls, drama, always falling out" and made a bigger thing of. Girls are supportive of one another, encouraging and inspiring from my experience. I could think of something positive to say about every girl in my year - well plenty of positive things - whether we're friends or not.

bigbuttons I can see why! Grin

RhodaBorrocks · 07/06/2017 11:58

My DS is 10 and is funny, kind, cheeky, sensitive and bright.

He has ASD but he is so determined to be successful and works hard. His ambition is to run a successful restaurant, open a branch in an upscale tourist spot and move out there. But he is also keen to take care of me in my dotage, so speaks about moving me out there with him! I tell him he'll have to discuss that with his wife - he is very keen to be a husband and father!

Bumpsadaisie · 07/06/2017 12:01

Generalisation but IME girls love their mum but in a more independent way, boys love is particularly affectionate and almost romantic.

My boy is five and in a strange way sometimes it is a little like having a small boyfriend but in a non-sexual way, rather a romantic way. He looks at me and says "I love you mummy" and puts kisses on my lips. My daughter will also say I love you and hug and kiss me but it is less romantic and less, kind of more lingering and dreamy!

Of course there are lots of other occasions when he is defying and I am insisting, it is not a bed of roses all the time.

Bumpsadaisie · 07/06/2017 12:02

I should say it is my son who is more lingering and dreamy with his affections.

He also gets VERY jealous if he is reminded that actually DH and not he is my partner. If DH hugs me when DS is around, he will always pop up and get between us!

blueshoes · 07/06/2017 12:48

I have one of each, so not a huge sample to draw from.

It is PC to say it is personality and not gender-based but can I just say that ... my son is the most intense love affair I could have had were he a grown man (who was not related to me and in fact my son).

blueshoes · 07/06/2017 12:49

... you can arrest me now.

cheesydoesit · 07/06/2017 12:53

What the fuck? The last few comments have bordered into incestuous territory. This whole thread is ludicrous. After having a miscarriage I can honestly say I don't give two shits about the sex of this baby, I'm just hoping it will be alive when I get to my scan date.

cheesydoesit · 07/06/2017 13:02

Right that was a bit of an over the top response but I don't see the point in pitting 'qualities' of girls and boys against each other which some of these posts seems to be doing. OP your baby will be amazing because it's your baby.

MrsJamin · 07/06/2017 13:20

Ugh blueshoes that sounds dodgy TBH.
I hate these threads where everyone draws on a tiny sample size of 1 or 2 to generalise to a whole population - its just bollocks and truly unhelpful.
OP, boys are as great as girls can be, that's all you need to know.

saoirse31 · 07/06/2017 13:26

Absolutely wonderful!!!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 07/06/2017 13:37

bumps my DS was always jealous too, if DH and I had a cuddle he would want to join in, or if we were holding hands he would hold my other one Grin

Jellymuffin · 07/06/2017 14:17

Oh come on! You are totally made to feel you have a consolation prize in western culture if you have a boy! 80% of gender selection babies are girls! The total bullshit responses when you say you are having a (or second - gasp!) boy about only being there until they get a wife bla bla bla! This is a great thread that celebrates being a mother of boys! Typical that mothers of girls won't even allow ONE thread to do so (betting all the moaning is not being done by mothers of only boys).

bigbuttons · 07/06/2017 15:11

This thread doesn't celebrate anything, it is full of ridiculous, sexist and cringeworthy generalisations about boys and girls made by people with maybe 2 offspring as proof.

EveningShadows · 07/06/2017 15:25

I'm a mother of only boys Jelly and I do think most of this thread is daft generalisation. However as I said upthread I do totally understand why and it's exactly as you say - as a mum of only boys you are made to feel regularly (and quite cruelly at times) like you're missing out on the wonders of parenting a daughter.

This is the inevitable backlash.

Vintageproblem · 07/06/2017 15:43

Mine is nearly 15 now. He's 6'2" and likes to give me a hug and call me little one.
I'm 5'10"!!!!! StarGrin

squoosh · 07/06/2017 15:47

He may be kissy and cuddly, he may not. He may be a charming whirlwind of noise and mess, he may not. The best thing will be that he will be your child who you love and adore and he will have lots of great qualities.

Redredredrose · 07/06/2017 15:49

I must admit, I've never been made to feel that I drew the losing straw by having a boy. Maybe people think that but if they do, I haven't noticed and they're completely wrong - nothing could make my child more perfect in my eyes.