To be upset my parents will be on holiday on my 40th birthday?

[tootalbugging]

I mean, I know I'm 40 so AIBU to be upset about it? I have three kids, one of whom is only a few months old, so I won't be going away on holiday, was hoping for a family meal to celebrate. They said it can wait til they're back from holiday, ten days afterwards.

They also did this on my 30th birthday, which was shit. DH is the worst person in the world at organising anything, so can 100% rely on him to not bother. To make matters worse, my birthday is a Monday, and the weekend before DH will be away on business.
It's still three months away, but I am already pissed off.

My DM died a good few years ago. I'd just be thrilled to have her around to celebrate my birthday at all; I wouldn't give a shit which day it was.

Maybe try and see it that way, ie be glad that you have both parents in good health, and then you can just enjoy planning a day with them when they are back?

For me, this is one of those "only on Mumsnet" threads. In real life, I don't know any parents who would book a holiday over their DD's big birthday. And I don't know any adult children who wouldn't be at least a little disappointed by it. But on MN, nobody cares about birthdays, we should never EVER have ant expectations of our families, and if you do then you must be petulant, throwing a tantrum and just an awful human being

*any expectations

Unbelievably pathetic. Grow up.

Organise your own birthday.then it's exactly as you like...I've not had either parent-do more than send a card since I was 18.how nice if you've had more than that on other birthdays

But that's just your experience Ratatatouille. In my real life, I don't know any adult that would give a shit about their birthday

TBH only on MN do I hear of parent giving their adult children's birthdays more than a passing thought. My parents are generally on holiday on my DC's birthdays, never mind mine.

Just organise something with everyone when they can all come. I'd be staggered if my parents organised their lives around my adult birthdays, or expected vice versa.

Does the actually date of the birthday really matter? Even my kids have the big celebration of their birthday at the weekend nearest it rather than on the actual day.

Why do you expect your husband to arrange it? If you want something sort it yourself.

You are not BU at all to want a huge fuss about your birthday, many people do in real life. I know more than a few who had parties much bigger for their birthdays than for their weddings - they're older, have more disposable income!

You are a bit BU to be annoyed at your parents. If you haven't organised a party or at least talked about it, do they even know you are bothered about it?

Regarding your husband, do you even talk? If he knows it's a huge deal for you, then he's very wrong not to organise something. Speak with him.

We always go away for our birthdays, but because of schools, it's not always on the right week. We kind of organise the trips together though, between work and discussing budget, it's easier.

I agree birthdays are a big thing. If people don't care about theirs, fine, but who are they to tell you what to make of yours.

I don't know any parents who would book a holiday over their DD's big birthday

Mine did. But they've never much been into birthdays. It doesn't bother me at all.

I was a bit miffed when they booked a holiday over the dates that my DS ( their first grandchild ) was due though. But DS got his own back by being two weeks late and being born on my parents wedding anniversary !

I haven't spent any of my adult milestone birthdays with my parents! I doubt very much I will on my 40th! Also, what is wrong in organising something yourself for you birthday? Two of my friends are currently organising their own 40th birthday parties. I aim to organise a big trip somewhere for mine.

Wombling which is exactly why I started my posted with "for me"

That's sort of the point anyway. People have different family relationships, different views about how important birthdays are, different expectations. I really don't think the OP deserved some of the outright nasty responses and name-calling. People can be horrible.

You have 3 months to organise your birthday. I don't know anyone IRL who gets shit organised for them. I know it probably happens and it's nice if it does but I think it's rare.

If you're wanting a party have a party.

I'm honestly not having a tantrum about it! I'm disappointed is all.

I feel like I make such an effort for everyone else's birthdays, so they are as special as possible, particularly the big ones. DH is away all weekend prior so I won't be able to go anywhere.
Still, as one poster said I should be grateful they're healthy and well. I fully accept that. As for those saying it's pathetic, errrm okay then!

Ratatatouille, I couldn't agree more!

I think this is a case of, if you can't change people to be the way you want them to be, you need to change your expectations. My parents did happen to be around for my 40th but only because one of my DC almost shares my birthday and they were in the habit of visiting and staying at that time anyway.

It can be frustrating if you're the type of person who makes a big deal of other people's birthdays and no-one makes an effort in return. As my DC have got older, they have made my birthdays. They get more excited than I do and I appreciate that more than any adults making a big deal of something that comes around too quickly.

If your DH is away the weekend before your birthday, celebrate it the Friday afterwards or plan a night away just the two of you if you have someone happy to babysit for your DC.

You're 40 for 365 days.

Agree that it's not your parents fault that your DP is useless. You have your own immediate family to celebrate with...3 children and a DP should be good enough in itself. It'd be different maybe if you were divorced or childless but I know it wouldn't even occur to my Dad to celebrate my birthday with me given I've got DP and 1 DC. You're 40 and still have 2 parents well enough to go on holiday and then they can celebrate with you when you get back after you've celebrated with your own family. You sound like you don't know how lucky you are to be honest.

Yabu
My parents are dead and didn't get to see me turn 40 or enjoy any other day that year.

Just organise something yourself. For my 4Oth I booked a family weekend away at a caravan park and invited people to join us. It was all very low key. Maybe you're feeling fed up because you've got a young baby and are just feeling a bit knackered? Would you like a day to yourself?

I think you're right notafish, I need to alter my expectations. And yes, I take on board that I am luckier than a lot of people to have healthy parents.

People just love to stick the boot in on these threads.
No need for all the nastiness, even if you wouldn't feel the same way.
My dad was 70 last year and we had a big party for him.
I'm pretty sure he and my Mum would have been upset if I or my siblings had booked a holiday instead.
I don't think you're unreasonable to be disappointed, OP, but not much you can do about it.
I think you need to decide how you want to celebrate and then rope in your dh and/or friends to make it happen.
I don't think I'd be bothered with a celebration 10 days after the event.

Good grief, you are 40 not 4. YABU. (I'm sure they'll remember to send a card) Take the day off work, organise something yourself with friends. You don't need Mummy and Daddy to provide jelly, Ice cream and party bags.

You know Wotrewelooinat you might be onto something there. I might need some time off in a dark room!

Sorry YABU ....Very, very, very U

I feel like I make such an effort for everyone else's birthdays, so they are as special as possible, particularly the big ones. That's lovely of you but not everyone see birthdays the same way. It's your choice to put in a lot of effort for other people's birthdays but it shouldn't obligate them to do the same for you.