I WIN MUMSNET WEDDINGS

[FuckyDuck]

So we all love a good wedding thread 'it's not a summons, it's an invitation'..
We have been 'invited' to a wedding WEEK in the USA, prices starting from £3k, with 5 organised events, each with their own dress code, and given a link to the Amazon wish list/registry where the cheapest item is >£300! Children are welcome on the holiday but not at the ceremony, and we're to chip in to the brides accommodation the night before the big day to show her our love?!

Total costing is £5,500 for a WEEK.

So, come on, what do I win??

I need a creative decline

'DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'.' Is he a marshmallow?
I'd bloody LOVE to say no to this! I'd get very, very creative...

Send a list of all the things that money could buy (e.g. a holiday somewhere you actually wanted to go, ten CT scans in a private hospital, 7500 mars bars etc )

Dear Princess Eugenie
It is with great regret that I have to decline the invite to your 5 day wedding extravaganza due to a prior engagement. As you are aware following my conviction for tax fraud I will be spending 5 years at your Grandma's pleasure.
Yours disappointedly
Hugs and kisses xoxo

I need a creative decline

Ask them how to apply for bursaries.

Aw expat, it's just our inner Sherlocks talking.
But yes op I believe you.

"'DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'."

No wonder you were asked!!

Dear Lovely Friends,
While I’m delighted at the world-shattering news that you are getting married, and positively heart-broken not to be able to afford to come, I’m in the very unfortunate position of having more than half a fucking brain, which makes it impossible to even begin to entertain the idea that I might spend stupid money on coming across the world to be props at your excellent narcissist-fest. I can’t tell you how much I regret being unable to be there to gawp at your extraordinary levels of batshittedness, but there you are.
I do hope you have a life commensurate with your obvious level of entitledness.
Yours very sincerely, FuckyDuck

Can't you send that clip of Phoebe saying "oh I'm sorry I can't because...I don't want to"?

if your dh feels bad tell him you'll go if he pays

The privilege of saving money !!

Haha expat 'demanding'!!

Yeah right.

well some people have said we want proof of this, that looks demanding Mumis

probably meant light heartedly, but expat wasnt wrong in what she wrote

Dearest and most loveliest friends

I regret that we will have to decline as we have booked a holiday in space that week. Did you not know about the commercial space flight? Everyone, who is anyone will be there.

Hugs and kisses
FuckyDuck

Just........wow.

That's just completely insane

I second sending onalongsabbaticals message!

Or
"Dear money grabbing not friends.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Thanks for giving us a fucking laugh.
Bye"

Why the hell does your DP feel 'bad'?
They are not even proper friends, you are just invited to help pay for the damm thing, and to make them look like they have a gazillion friends willing to travel halfway around the world to see them get married.

They wouldnt even have got in touch if they werent showing off their 'amaze wedding'.

'Thank you for the invitation to your fabulous wedding circus. I fear the probability of me getting into a conversation on gun control with your American in-laws could undermine our friendship. I look forward to seeing the photos.'

Dear crazy wedding couple

Many thanks for the invitation to your wedding, we will be unable to attend as we have other plans for our money.

Have a lovely wedding day/week

FuckyDuck

My friends got married last week.
It cost me a grand total of £50, everyone had an amazing time, and at no point did I have to get on a plane, or even a train!

What the actual hell goes through some peoples minds?

The only thing I can think of is that they are sooo up their own arses, and have such a high opinion of themselves, that they imagine people will fall over themselves to attend their wedding, whether it's in the US, the Caribbean or on the fucking moon.

I think i would hint at problems with visas!

Dear future Mr and Mrs Delusions of Grandeur,

Unfortunately Mr and Mrs Fuckyduck must gracefully decline the invitation to the extravaganza that is your forthcoming nuptials. This is due to previous commitments such as hair washing, walking the dog, watching pain dry and so forth. All of which do not amount to the equivalent money of buying a new car, putting a deposit on a cheap house or paying for the surgery now needed to replace my kidneys, which exploded from the laughter when reading your invitation. We do hope you find other suckers enjoy your day, and look forward to the abridged DVD which we're sure will be forthcoming.

With regards but no gifts,

Mr and Mrs Hahaha You Grabby Twats

Edmund

Send a reply just saying:

"Who dis?"

Just tell them you're banned from the USA following a youthful indiscretion.