I'm probably being unreasonable

[Imbeingunreasonable]

Dp went to a funeral today, a lifelong family friend. The funeral was in another town. He said he would be stopping over. All was well.

The unreasonable part is I feel utterly rejected. I didn't know the deceased so I wasn't ever going to go plus I have two young children and had work today.

Dp promised me he would call me today to let me know how he was and to make sure the kids were ok.

I have spent today at work worrying about dp, picked the kids up after work, sorted them out and got them to bed.

Then I waited and waited and waited for dp to call me. He didn't bother. Eventually I sent a text saying hope you're ok. No reply.

I followed it up with the text later on saying I'm off to bed, night.

About an hour ago I get a text saying from him saying good night, love you.

I ring him and asked what happened to calling me today. He is drunk and replies I'm ringing you now. I said no, I've called you. He says oh shit I was supposed to ring you.

Now I'm deeply upset he shouldn't even be bothered to call me. I probably shouldn't be. But I wanted to be there for him as it were and he couldn't even be bothered to let me know how today went nor bother asking how the kids are etc.

If it was roles reversed and I went to a funeral there is only one person I would want to talk about it with and that's him.

I feel rejected 😢 I can't even understand why I feel so emotional about this. I suppose because I know his nature and whenever he is away from me he never bothers to touch base and give me a courtesy call or even a text. We both have work tomorrow and I have to go out tomorrow evening so I won't really see him tomorrow either.

I'm just so fucking hurt. Crying my eyes out right now

Thanks again. I probably will let him know at some stage, now wouldn't be the right time. He has a hard time talking about when things are affecting him, he bottles things up and deals with them in his own way. I'm not saying it's the wrong way to do things, that's just how he has always been. He keeps so much to himself so I do wonder whether we would eventually drift apart but I guess time will tell. I obviously don't want that to happen but I can't make him open up if that's not what he's used to doing. I wish in a way it was just this as a one off but it's practically everything so sometimes I feel like I'm living with a stranger or a room mate.

I'll bring it up somehow but won't directly relate it to this occurrence.

I wish in a way it was just this as a one off but it's practically everything so sometimes I feel like I'm living with a stranger or a room mate.

We ended up in this situation. Not that that helps you, but it did happen to us. It happens to couples sometimes. Therapy has helped me to own my own feelings and to articulate them in a calm manner. DH and I don't do couples' therapy together yet, but we plan to at some stage. I am not saying that this is what you need to do, but good therapy makes a big difference for me.

Sorry, I mean the living with a sibling or flatmate feeling. Not the "practically everything" part. The problem was not the same, but the effect was.

Thanks erinaceus. I don't want my feelings to dominate my life but I've been feeling like this for so long now it tears me up inside. I guess this isn't even about a silly phone call but more about the crap communication. I guess we both have different needs and don't know how to satisfy both

Yeah. It's tough. One of my problems was not knowing what I needed in the first place. It took me a long time to figure that out. Then I had to learn how to ask for things. That part is a work in progress. I can only suggest therapy but I'm an advocate of it and not everybody finds it helpful.

Communication problems take both of you to be willing to work on them. They are not the sort of problem that can be fixed by one half of the couple, in my experience. I feel for you. It's tough.

Fair play to you for working on yourself to fix other areas in your life. You sound like you've got your stuff together. I may look into it as an option but like you say, it can't be fixed by one half of a couple. Baby steps though I suppose

Yes. My working on myself caused a fair bit of disruption for the marriage. It's not an easy journey, but as you said, baby steps.