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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Working dads...poor things!

105 replies

user1496693159 · 05/06/2017 21:19

I work a full time job... high profile. Loads of stress....from home. Remotely.
Today I:
Woke at 6. Read work e-mails. Made his lordship his offer at 7. Dressed our little girl, got ready ...gave her breakfast. Took her to nursery. Worked full day ( in between did 4 loads of washing). Spent 'lunch hour' packing boxes for our upcoming house move... on conference calls for 5 hours. Pickup little munchkin. Cook dinner. Feed munchkin.
Him: works a day. Walks in the door. Plonks on couch. Switches on TV.
Says he is too tired to bath munchkin while I need to read urgent mails....
Ah! Poor thing.

OP posts:

YouWhatMate · 06/06/2017 00:56

but that inexplicably becomes difficult when someone with a penis is expected to do it

Yeah, bloody men! They're all the bloody same! Bastards the lot of 'em! Rah rah rah

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/06/2017 01:02

Actually I said earlier that my DH shares all the household tasks. I was actually peeved at another poster for suggesting that all 'women's work' is a piece of piss. It was her implying that women could just zip airily through it that irked. Because if it's easy, it's easy for everyone. If it's not, the heavy load should be shared.

DixieFlatline · 06/06/2017 01:39

And how would be manage with his stressful job if he lived alone. Would be just sit around and starve to death. I think not

Again it's info that's not in the fairly sketchy OP.

You don't know whether he'd be feeding himself and keeping his house somewhat tidy if he lived alone because the OP failed to mention it? ...

Trifleorbust · 06/06/2017 02:44

What a horrible thread. Responses to the OP belittling the fact that she has worked all day (like her DP), got up earlier and worked later than he has, and isn't happy about his input, but somehow she is a lazy complaining whatever.

No wonder women don't look likely to achieve workplace equality or social equality any time soon .

BeeThirtythree · 06/06/2017 03:17

Not all working dads!
DH is up at 5am to get a few hours in before DDs are awake, nursery drop off after getting them ready, then working 'til midday pick up, taking them to activities/park/doing chores. Help with dinner/bathing. Gets DD1 to bed. Then few hours work while DC are asleep.
The man is getting 4/5 hours sleep some nights but values both his work and family time.
I am on call a lot and work random hours, if I need to leave at any hour, I know DH has things under control...so no, not all working dads!
Yes, DH might be the exception but I am sure there are other dads who are not as you describe men!

PyongyangKipperbang · 06/06/2017 03:22

The title is leading me to believe that this may be a goady thread on behalf of the Fail or another paper who's writers cant be arsed to find a proper story....

If it isnt, then OP either suck it up or make a fuss. Being a martyr is no good for anyone, least of all your DD who you are teaching to put up with the same shit.

DixieFlatline · 06/06/2017 03:24

Responses to the OP belittling the fact that she has worked all day (like her DP), got up earlier and worked later than he has

Ah but the OP doesn't say her DP's job isn't 100 times harder than hers, so how can we possibly know?! And obviously the fact the OP manages to get housework and childcare done means that her other work is easier. That's how it works for all the women who do all the shitwork in addition to their jobs - they obviously have easier jobs, so have more time. It's the only plausible explanation for a man letting his female partner do the lions share!

And to round off my post, NAMALT, lest we forget.

maddiemookins16mum · 06/06/2017 04:47

I feel sorry for some blokes. Here's mine for yesterday...

Got up at six, made tea, had a shower.
DP still in bed as on day off.
DD hussled out the house at 8am.
DP still in bed.
Prepped stuff for the slow cooker.
Turned computer on at 8.23, started work.
DP got up, showered, made me some toast and more tea, played on iPad. DP then put a wash on and hung out, made the beds.
Then cleared off out to meet a friend, go to the bank and shop for a few bits.
I made some cheese and pickle rolls (left his on the counter). Turned slow cooker on.
DP returned, sorted out some paperwork, got the washing in and fell asleep on the sofa at 3pm. DD got home at 4.15, made herself and me some tea and did some homework/watched TV. DP got up at 5pm, read his book.
I stopped work at 6pm.
Straight into the kitchen to cook veg/noodles and dush up dinner.
DP cleared dinner, washed up and helped DD with a history project.
So, he's not really done much today and I barely moved from my desk (and would never be able to fit 4 loads of washing in).
Why, because come 7am he'll head off for a shift and I won't see him until 11pm Wed night.
YABU, i hate these aren't all men/dads shit threads.

birdsdestiny · 06/06/2017 06:23

Well if these household chores are so easy and enjoyable then he won't mind doing them will he . If spending time with dc is joyful than he will do it too won't he. It can't be both can it. Oh my jobs so stressful I can't do anything or these household tasks are nothing so you can do them easily. If they are so easy then it won't matter if he has a stressful job.

Trifleorbust · 06/06/2017 06:29

maddiemookins16mum

So why do you feel sorry for some blokes? Sounds like yours has a relatively reasonable balance.

Slarti · 06/06/2017 06:30

My morning consists of doing the laundry, making packed lunches, ironing uniforms (occasionally), getting breakfast ready, getting 2 boys dressed and ready and then getting them to school.

Then I go to work. Usually after that I have some sort of diy to do, plastering, tiling, painting, gardening.

I'm one of these working dads you have so much contempt for OP.

coconuttella · 06/06/2017 06:39

Made his lordship his offer at 7

OP - what is this "offer"?!?

coconuttella · 06/06/2017 06:41

I think I've worked it out.... "offer"being typo for "coffee"?

Cheguevarahamster · 06/06/2017 06:46

#Make his lordship his offers at 7?

confused I don't understand what you mean.# quote.

It's a typo, she obviously means covfefe.

BossaDad · 06/06/2017 06:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 06/06/2017 06:48

Stop martyring and get him to help.

BossaDad · 06/06/2017 06:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

highinthesky · 06/06/2017 06:54

You are describing exactly what's wrong with wfh.

The saved travel time should be used to your advantage, not to be dedicated to doing more at work.

travellinglighter · 06/06/2017 06:59

Why are you telling us? Tell him exactly what you said here but start with the words "Listen knobhead" and finish with "Get your lazy arse off the sofa and get involved."

NavyandWhite · 06/06/2017 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 06/06/2017 07:08

This really doesn't apply to all working dads, my dh does his fair share.

Tell your husband to get on with it and stop being a lazy fucker.

10storeylovesong · 06/06/2017 07:11

I had a consultant apt yesterday for a high risk pregnancy. The consultant told me I need to rest. While talking my phone buzzed and I asked if I could just let my husband know which room I was in as he'd just arrived at hospital and I was booked for 3 apts in 3 separate depts. The (male) consultant sarcastically commented that it was nice of him to make it and to bring him into the room so he could tell him he now had to do his share of housework while I rested.

My dh was late to hospital because he had been getting ds his breakfast and dressed for nursery, including his nursery bag and dropping him off while paying the invoice for lunches (which he remembered was due without being reminded). He'd done all this so I could set off early and avoid the traffic as he knows it makes me stressed. I didn't have to ask or get anything ready, as we both work shifts and he is perfectly capable. He has always pulled his weight at home and I found it insulting that the consultant honestly thought he would need a lecture to help his poorly pregnant wife.

Not all working dads are like that.

OhTheRoses · 06/06/2017 07:29

DH left the house about 40 minutes ago having made me two cups of tea. Am still in bed.

DH will be in work by 7.30. He'll do three hours of work and calls with probably a meeting at 10.30 which he will dash to via foot and or tube, grabbing a sarnie on his way back to pick up work. He'll spend from 4 sorting out business matters reviewing what's going on as colleagues get back from main business. He'll advise and support until about seven and then get back to his own work until about 8. He will probably have done a coiple of international conference calls. Will get home at about 9. This is nothing compared tovwhen he is in court.

He has done this for 28 years. I work full time but 9-6.30ish usually. I pick up all domestic matters and dealt with all child related matters when the dc were still dc. He was happy for much of the "wifework" to be subcontracted although i still do about two hours a day of routine pfaff (tidying, w/machine, d/washer, cooking, admin, lifts for older teenager dd).

Works alright for us and has always seemed very fair to me.

diddl · 06/06/2017 07:36

So if you stop doing laundry, cooking meals because you are working, what will happen?

Can't for the life of me think why you made him coffee!

Her0utdoors · 06/06/2017 07:55

JoshLymanJr " Cleaned and serviced DW"
I wish HimIndoors would take that kind of responsibility for my lack luster personal hygiene!
OP, wait till he decides that a 'family' dog is non negotiable, you won't believe your luck.

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