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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Working dads...poor things!

105 replies

user1496693159 · 05/06/2017 21:19

I work a full time job... high profile. Loads of stress....from home. Remotely.
Today I:
Woke at 6. Read work e-mails. Made his lordship his offer at 7. Dressed our little girl, got ready ...gave her breakfast. Took her to nursery. Worked full day ( in between did 4 loads of washing). Spent 'lunch hour' packing boxes for our upcoming house move... on conference calls for 5 hours. Pickup little munchkin. Cook dinner. Feed munchkin.
Him: works a day. Walks in the door. Plonks on couch. Switches on TV.
Says he is too tired to bath munchkin while I need to read urgent mails....
Ah! Poor thing.

OP posts:

ArchieStar · 05/06/2017 21:49

Bad generalisation to say all men are like that. Some do actually pull their weight. You need to communicate with him.

BossaDad · 05/06/2017 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jennyhatesjazz0 · 05/06/2017 21:53

Jesus - not another depressing thread about how shit men are. There comes a point where this turns into a self fulfilling prophecy, we tell men they're shit for long enough they begin to believe it.

gillybeanz · 05/06/2017 21:55

I was a sahm when dc were all small, no way would my dh have behaved like this.
His wasn't a sit on your arse office job neither.
You are obviously happy he treats his family like this though, or you wouldn't put up with it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/06/2017 21:56

YABU

YouWhatMate · 05/06/2017 21:56

Don't be a doormat and then complain about it online.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/06/2017 21:56

"Working dads...poor things!"

I work 9 hours a day including paper work, much more at some times of year. DW works part time. Nonetheless I do all the childcare/chores for the two evenings she works, and we split everything else when I'm not working. On my busiest days, when I can hardly stand, I wouldn't dream of not playing with the kids and shifting a few pots.

This is normal. It isn't special or praiseworthy. To be otherwise seems nuts to me. Your situation has nothing to do with being a working Dad and is just about your relationship.

Crispmonster1 · 05/06/2017 21:57

My OH helps with whatever I tell him to do. He's great BUT NEEDS to be told what to do. If he could read my mind he would be totally perfect.

BewareOfDragons · 05/06/2017 21:59

SHow him your list of what you did today, and show him his list.

Ask him to explain why he gets to dump his share on you.

Because that's what he's doing. These things have to be done. By refusing to do it, he is telling you that you'll have to cover for him.

intergalacticbrexitdisco · 05/06/2017 22:01

Yabu for using the term 'Munchkin'.

BossaDad · 05/06/2017 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoLoveofMine · 05/06/2017 22:04

we tell men they're shit for long enough they begin to believe it.

Men are told how great they are all the time. Praised for "babysitting" their own children, being so helpful around the house if they so much as lift a finger once, and that's just in the context of fatherhood. Women on the other hand are judged for anything they do and deemed bad mothers for any choice they make.

BIWI · 05/06/2017 22:05

Welcome to Mumsnet userxxxx. Why don't you change your name to something a bit more unique/original?

BluePeppers · 05/06/2017 22:06

Whatever her DP doesn't matter tbh.
He was at work, just like she was and did fuck all before and after work whilst she was running around.

Clearly thats an unacceptable behaviour from him.
The question is, wjat are you going to do about it??

NoLoveofMine · 05/06/2017 22:07

The OP's day doesn't really sound very stressful though

She wakes up at 6, starts working, gets their daughter ready and takes her to nursery, carries on working as well as getting washing done and packing for moving house, partakes in conference calls, picks up her daughter, prepares dinner and this "doesn't really sound very stressful"?

ChasedByBees · 05/06/2017 22:08

Not how it works in my house.

BossaDad · 05/06/2017 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinypop4 · 05/06/2017 22:09

My dh doesn't behave like this. Neither do the the fathers of my friends dc who have wide ranging jobs.
You have a marriage problem, this isn't a general thing.

BluePeppers · 05/06/2017 22:10

Btw, fathers don't NEED to be told what to do. They on;lily do because ay of the house work, looking after dcs etc.. isnt part of their responsibilities so they dont even try to think about it.

It has been revealing that my onw dh who struggled to 'remember' quite a few things, needed to be told etc... suddenly found himself able to do all those things when i got ill and couldnt physically do any of those 'women work tasks'.

So yes he was able, totally able to do those things. They were just on his list of thinsg to do.
And he was also one the 'good' ones that have always helped and never lazied around doing nothing. Its the things he did, he didn because he enjoyed them. Not because they HAD to be done ....

BluePeppers · 05/06/2017 22:13

*Bossadad) I would argue that if you are a dad who does all the thinking work going on with being a mum, then you are a very rare case.

I have yet to find a man who actually does actually do the thinking sorry.

Have a look at that cartoon here
english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
My own DH actually agrees this is a totally true reflection of the reality.
From a man, who as i said before, has had taste up and do all the thinking because i have been ill. Even then, he still thinks that cartoon is right..... (I actually thinks he is better than that and out of league compare to the OP's DH)

BossaDad · 05/06/2017 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

outabout · 05/06/2017 22:15

I was embarrassed by women marveling that I could look after my daughter, change nappies and feed her and so on. Not to mention the feeling of being patronised.
It is easy, at least, not technically difficult and I thoroughly enjoyed doing all of it. She is my daughter and my responsibility.
TELLING your OH to do something is NOT ON. Asking and then accepting some variation on what has been asked is fine.

Earlyriser84 · 05/06/2017 22:15

Sounds like my set up. Up at 6am with two small children, look after kids, housework, trips out, three healthy meals a day for the kids, bedtime routine and then within all this work from home remotely throughout the day and evening and go to bed around 11/12.

DP gets back from a 6 hour evening shift and says "shattered me babe"

I did a rota for household tasks and days when he's off for childcare matters. Maybe try that. Mine's slipped recently but he's getting reminded tomorrow

Lookforthelight · 05/06/2017 22:16

Make his lordship his offers at 7?

I don't understand what you mean.

Huldra · 05/06/2017 22:16

Stop doing it. In the morning, tell him! Shall I do the breakfast and bag for nursery, you change the washing over? Or anything.

If he decides he's too tired to cook or do washing then stop doing his. Yes, dear it is very tiring but I've managed to do mine and childs's washing and food. Lucky you, you have it much easier only having to do your own.

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