Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to leave a 12 year old alone all day?

93 replies

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:33

I work full time as does my husband. We have no family nearby to help with childcare. Previously we have had holiday clubs, family etc to help but next year we don't have these things (new area, new school). The holiday clubs here are for primary aged kids.

I can only take a certain amount of time off as can my husband. We could probably cover half the summer hols at a push. I am dreading next summer hols already. What does everyone else do with their teens in the summer hols when you are working?

OP posts:

waitforitfdear · 05/06/2017 13:36

Depends entirely on your kid. 3 of mine would have been fine st that age whole 1 absolutlry no way.

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:37

I think my eldest lands in the 'no way' category. Giving up work is not an option. I'm really worried.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/06/2017 13:40

Could they go and stay with family for a week or so? Grandparents/aunts & uncles with cousins to hang out with? We used to swap a week at our cousins with them coming to ours for a week.

Are there no holiday courses at all? I'd be surprised if there weren't e.g. dance workshops, sports clubs like tennis training or whatever etc running at least some of the time for younger teens.

Have you looked into PGL type thing? Would she enjoy that?

gassylady · 05/06/2017 13:40

What about sport camps often have a higher upper age limit. If you can find the funds residential adventure type holidays PGL is the biggest I know of but there are often smaller local set ups too

BackforGood · 05/06/2017 13:40

I think it helps if you can spread it out a bit....... not do a whole week of long days on their own, but split it up.
At 12, all 3 of mine would have been happy to be on their own for a day, not so much for 2 full weeks one day after the other.
Do you have any flexibility with being able to work some hours from home, or one of you gong in early and finishing early some days?

Once they are about 14 they would spend most of the day in bed so wouldn't notice if you are there or not, but they've not all started doing that at 12

LauraMoon · 05/06/2017 13:42

I left ds from the age of 12, although I worked close enough that I was able to pop home for lunch. He has always been a very sensible boy and basically just spent all day on his pc. Between dh and I we took three weeks off over the summer so it was only three weeks he was on his own.

Conversely, DD, who is a year younger, had to go to a childminder as there is no way I'd leave her alone or with ds as she is very different.

Are there any childminders locally?

harderandharder2breathe · 05/06/2017 13:43

Depends on your child. Will they panic? Will they follow instructions about not answering the door etc? Can they sort their own lunch out? If not then get them used to simple food prep now while you can supervise. Do they know what to do in an emergency and are they likely to actually do it or to panic?

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:45

Only family near us is my mum. She is 70 and already has my toddler one day a week. To have a 12 year old at the same time is a bit of an ask. I have no doubt she will help when she can but there are 3 months to cover in the school year.

He hates hates HATES sports clubs and holiday clubs. I'm guessing that's my only choice. No choice at all with working hours for my husband due to the nature of his job. Mine maybe so but not a great deal.

OP posts:

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:46

Yes there are childminders. I though 12 might be a bit old though.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/06/2017 13:50

In our local area just a quick Google shows a Teen Adventure paintballing week/days at a local activity centre, a Holiday Club that the upper age limit is 13, the local FE Arts college is running short courses for 12-16 year olds on things like sewing, animating films, painting, photography and sculpture, there's a "summer intensive" dance workshop for 11-18 year olds, and various other sports-based week-long "camps". Are you sure there's nothing like these by you?

NotTHEBupcake · 05/06/2017 13:51

Could he go to a friend's house even for a few hours? And then you reciprocate when you can?

Or could he go to your mum's but lend a hand? I wouldn't think a sensible 12yo would really be extra work, and she might enjoy the company and a hand with dishes etc?

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:52

NoSquirrels what did you Google to find out all that please?

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 05/06/2017 13:53

X-post! He might hate holiday clubs but he's obviously had to endure them before so now is no different?

I'd see if I could ship him off to family for a week at a time, and then I would ask your mum to be in charge of e.g. dropping him at the cinema or swimming pool on "her" days with the toddler and picking up? If she can manage the toddler I bet a 12-year-old would be fine? And then look for some really cool-sounding holiday club option. He might surprise himself with enjoying something that's not the average primary school holiday club?

ssd · 05/06/2017 13:53

first of all you say you have no family nearby to help with childcare then you say your mum's local and already has your toddler?

has this problem just occured to you?

NoSquirrels · 05/06/2017 13:55

I just Googled "Holiday courses camps summer club" and then my local area.

If you put up whereabouts you are - general area, no need to be too specific - you might get some local knowledge?

Fe2O3Girl · 05/06/2017 13:56

It might be worth checking with the local holidays clubs if they do take older kids - our local link club is based at a primary school but they take older children for holiday club. OTOH, your 12 year old may not be keen on spending the day with younger kids.

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:57

If I DID leave him all day would IBU? Do you think that's irresponsible at that age?

OP posts:

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 13:58

I'm in Hampshire. The nearest holiday camp seems to be Southampton but that is an hours drive from my work which is too far in an emergency.

OP posts:

blueskyinmarch · 05/06/2017 13:59

Surely a 70 year old can also look after a 12 year old as well as a toddler. He isn’t likely to need too much in terms of care and could also be helpful in looking after your toddler - running around outside etc?

organixeveryday · 05/06/2017 14:00

Alton Convent and Solent youth action

BadTasteFlump · 05/06/2017 14:01

No, not if you feel you can trust him - although you've already suggested you can't...

It's not the only issue though, is it? I would feel bad about leaving my DC stuck at home on their own for weeks on end - just because they would be bored stiff. What about spreading the holiday entitlement you have out a bit, so you are maybe only doing a two or three days a week at work, then having long weekends in between with your DC?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 05/06/2017 14:01

I used to leave DS at that age, not all day every day if there was an alternative, but there would be days when he was alone between 7am and 6pm. He has always been sensible though and would often get himself on the bus to visit his granddad, or walk to his great nan's house, spend a few hours there being fed providing company for her, then walk back. Is that an option? Could he help your mum with the toddler?

NoSquirrels · 05/06/2017 14:02

You know your child. Is he used to being left at home for long-ish periods? It's irresponsible if you haven't prepared him for the scenario, but by 12 he should be capable of staying home alone and feeding himself and knowing who to call in an emergency.

As PPs have said, I would not do this 5 days a week on the trot. I would try to ensure it was well broken up, even if this meant using one-off days of holiday mid-week or whatever. An 8 hour day could be very lonely.

Look for holiday club things nearer to your work, or your DPs if there is a concern.

BadTasteFlump · 05/06/2017 14:02

As others have said - is there any reason why your 12 yr old can't also be with your toddler, even just for some of the time the break it up a bit?

Original poster

streetface · 05/06/2017 14:02

ssd I said I only have my mum who already helps with my toddler. No family to help with my 12 year old. Not sure why that's confusing.

Why would you think it has only just occurred to me? I am asking if it would be unreasonable to leave a 12 year old alone a year before I am going to do it. Of course I considered when I took the job in the future it could be an issue. What are you suggesting? That I should have not worked in case I found future childcare problematic?

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4