AIBU to leave a 12 year old alone all day?

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I work full time as does my husband. We have no family nearby to help with childcare. Previously we have had holiday clubs, family etc to help but next year we don't have these things (new area, new school). The holiday clubs here are for primary aged kids.

I can only take a certain amount of time off as can my husband. We could probably cover half the summer hols at a push. I am dreading next summer hols already. What does everyone else do with their teens in the summer hols when you are working?

Yes next year. I have this holiday sorted. Different working hours next year and less work from home as I am able to do this summer (long story) and also he is 11 and there is a holiday club at his primary school which he (reluctantly) goes now.

Could your Mum just be on hand for emergencies for him? I'd be a bit twitchy about leaving my 13 year old all day but mainly because we have literally zero local family. If my Mum was close by and on hand to be phoned in an emergency I'd feel differently.

With your Mum as a back stop, I'd be happy to leave him, ideally with a few holiday club/course day things and days with friends interspersed along the way.

I know I know countess but that's how I feel. She can't manage more than one day with the toddler even though she is retired and get the impression it would be too much and she would feel put upon. Everyone is different I guess.

I think Yabu to leave a 12 year old home alone all day for most /all of the summer (even if you are popping home for lunch). It is negligence. He is a child. He should go to your DM's too if is minding your other child.

Yes Profyaffle she could be at mine within 20 mins for emergencies for sure. She would probably agree to one day a week along with the toddler in the holidays only but the 5 days over 6 weeks is what concerns me. Like PP say's, in a year (just under) he may have matured anyway. Just want to get a feel for what others do.

The fact that he hates holiday clubs could work as leverage by the way. If you do leave him, give him clear rules, do and don'ts and if he goes against any of them, it's back to holiday club for him. It might help him be sensible.

OP we know you keep saying you have no one to care for your 12 yo but you haven't really given any real reason as to why your DM can't do this. I guess some of us are s bit perplexed by this. I am sure there is a reason and I know you don't have to tell us what it is but if you could just let us know that this can't happen because your DM hates your DS or because she is ill or whatever it might help us to better understand your problem. I am not digging. I can just see people getting frustrated by this and you will have a whole thread of people suggesting your DM if you can't put it to bed properly.

Just to clarify my mum only has toddler for ONE day a week. And only school hours. So even if she does agree to both that doesn't help the entire holiday.

If you are talking about childcare for summer 2018, that is almost 14 months away and I think you will find that your DS will mature a LOT in that space of time. Presumably he will be going to secondary school in Sept, which will require much more organisation on his part in terms of transportation, school work etc. I also found that Yr 6 was a tricky time in terms of organised camps, summer schemes etc as, to a great extent, they are holding pens trying to cater to a range of ages and with a whole raft of different activities, not all of which will appeal to your child. Conversely, once my kids got a bit older again they could independently get themselves to teenager activities/courses which were more focussed ( specifically on one sport or area e.g. drama) which were of more interest to them. By 12, I think you should also be able to send your DS with the toddler to your mum's one day a week and he should actually be able to relieve the burden of care on her by playing with the toddler or taking him/her for a walk to give your mum a break.

Sorry I see you have clarified the issue with your DM now.

Sorry I thought I had been clear. She is 70. She finds my toddler too much to have more than one day a week. She says she is busy, out every day and doesn't want to commit to more than one day a week with the toddler. She worries my son would get bored and if she has him over she always asks 'can he bring his I pad, there is nothing for him to do here'. Therefore, i feel that asking her she would feel put out considering she is neraby but I pay for 4 days a week childcare for my toddler. IF she said yes to the 12 year old, that still leaves me with 4 days and 6 weeks.

Marwell Activity centre is good (Hants)

I am in north Hampshire - would your son be interested in holiday days at Runways's End from time to time? They only run a few, but I guess every day helps.

Also Hawley Lake and Mytchett Lake have activities which older kids do. My currently 14 year old did kayaking courses at 12 and 13.

cross post blue. Yes and I really don't feel comfortable asking her. We are not really that close.

Wait, we're talking about 2018 here? not in 5 weeks time?

Why are we even discussing it?

And I don't think it is up to a 12 year old to help with childcare of a toddler. Presumably they didn't have a say in whether they had a sibling or not.

Thank you so much for the suggestions they are great and will look into them all.

Why are we even discussing it

forward planning? To get lots of ideas ahead of time, rather than panicking in July 2018?

So I can be prepared arbrighton!

I have three kids, a 40-50 hour a week job and I'm studying an MA in 'spare time' Trust me when I tell you planning this any later would be disastrous!!

Where does your 2 year old go the rest of the time? Perhaps they could go an extra day and your mum have the 12 year old instead if she is finding the toddler a bit much

Actually Mulledwine I did ask my son before I got pregnant whether or not he would be happy to have another sibling but I take your point!

Sit the child down and talk to him, maybe leave him home when you pop out for 30 mins to shops, once he is at Seondary school and see how he feels..

To be honest at that ages they stay in bed till 1, get lunch play games and before you blink they are opening the door too you, once they do the going to school and coming home before you, your gonna see if they are trust worthy. As to the chores , good luck, sometimes it's less hassle to not ask them to do anything, so anything they do you can reward them for,,,

Childminder gassylady. She already has 3 charges and takes them to babygroups so not sure how my 12 year old would like it. It could be a possible option but a last resort.