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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that marking yourself as safe when you're nowhere near is counterproductive and attention seeking?

88 replies

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 20:31

I agree there are definitely some circumstances in which it is a positive thing, but I feel this function that Facebook has of allowing people to mark themselves "safe" seems in some way to equate the experience of simply being in Greater London when a terrorist attack happens with the experience of those who are surviving in places which have ongoing mass atrocities (like Aleppo) where the language Facebook uses would be more appropriate.

If you know someone who is one of the 9 million people who live in London but they don't live, work and only occasionally go to the specific place where the attack happens, it is very unlikely they are one of the 7 killed and 50 injured.

I feel that it first of all undermines the attention that the families, people and aid workers who are really suffering as a result of the attack should be getting, by turning the focus to unrelated people, many of whom live up to 10 miles away from the attack. And that secondly it also gives people a false perception of the place and circumstances they live in by them being given the drama of having to declare themselves, or seeing their friends on Facebook declaring themselves "safe" or not.

I grew up in a war zone. Social media didn't exist at the time, so you didn't know if someone had been killed or injured and you never had an accurate idea about what was happening and where. But if it had existed, the state of war was so chronic and people were so hardened to it that you would've been laughed at for marking yourself safe if a bomb had gone off in a village a mile away, let alone a place you never went.

I know that terrorism is the same-level horrific whether it is a one off, ongoing or in any country of the world, but I feel Facebook is yet again warping our perception of ourselves and others by making a terrorist attack another chance for narcissism in a small way.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 04/06/2017 20:34

Wouldn't you think someone would just say something like, "Thinking of everyone in London/Manchester tonight" rather than "I am safe"?

ImperialBlether · 04/06/2017 20:34

It tells everyone they are safe, while passing on good wishes to others.

ImperialBlether · 04/06/2017 20:34

It tells everyone they are safe, while passing on good wishes to others.

hula008 · 04/06/2017 20:35

I lived in London - now live not in London but inside M25. If I can do something to make my family and friends feel relieved then I'll do it. I don't want to spend all night up answering texts and calls so surely this is a more effective way.

MaggieMeldrum · 04/06/2017 20:36

Police were asking people to check in on Facebook because there lines were inundated with members of public trying to find out if a loved one was injured

SparklyLeprechaun · 04/06/2017 20:38

Well, I hate everything Facebook, but I don't agree that this feature shifts the focus away from the victims. If you make use of it when you're 20 miles away then you're a bit of a twat but it makes no difference to the victims.

Also, my family lives 3000 miles away, for them London is just a spot on the map, therefore I had several phone calls today to check that I'm OK. I can see why people would mark themselves safe to reassure family far away.

Voice0fReason · 04/06/2017 20:38

I just don't see the problem with it. Scroll past if you don't like it.

Squeegle · 04/06/2017 20:38

You're absolutely right
This is interesting: www.independent.co.uk/voices/facebook-safety-check-london-bridge-terror-attack-a7772211.html?cmpid=facebook-post

PinkDaffodil2 · 04/06/2017 20:39

My family and friends up north know I live in 'London' but most don't know the area, and wouldn't know know if I was 1 mile or 15 miles away. I posted I was ok on Facebook to avoid calls and texts overnight or early on Sunday morning.

firawla · 04/06/2017 20:41

I don't like it either but I always get messages coming up on my fb like notifications telling me that various friends requested to know if I'm safe, so I just end up clicking it so as not to be rude, just in case they are worried. I live in zone 5 not near to the attacks so if not prompted by notifications then I wouldn't use it

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 20:43

I think posting a status that you are okay is good. Or posting like Imperial Blether says "thinking of everybody in London/Manchester" is positive.

But using this specific feature of Facebook is buying into its language and message of panic, chaos and information undersupply, is really really counterproductive.

And I think there are people who use it for straightforward, sensible reasons, like family abroad etc, or to avoid loads of calls, burn it's clear to me that people use it for attention seeking reasons too.

OP posts:
Ummbopdoowap · 04/06/2017 20:44

I don't post on Facebook - at all - but had a few friends asking if I was safe via the safety Facebook thing so I clicked yes. I must admit I felt a like a bit of a twat for doing it, but I used to live and work near London Bridge and didn't want the people who had asked to be worrying.

Rhayader · 04/06/2017 20:46

I work in Westminster and after the attack there (and we were allowed out of our offices) I put a message up to let people know I was safe (as everyone knows I work there and I had already had a lot of calls). But for this attack I didn't because living in zone 3 with kids I don't think anyone would have thought I was caught up in it.

OliviaStabler · 04/06/2017 20:48

No it is not. I am no where near London at the moment but I live there. Many people will think I would have been out and about in London on that night. Why should I not let them know I am safe?

Dawndonnaagain · 04/06/2017 20:48

Many people don't know the areas. As it happens I do. However as I didn't know if my brother was out last night, I was relieved to see that he'd checked in early this morning. Same with a friend who is actually in the area tonight.

Believeitornot · 04/06/2017 20:49

I'd rather click I was safe than post a specific update. That IMO is more attention seeking.

People specifically ask if I was safe - I click yes. Job done.

RhodaBorrocks · 04/06/2017 20:50

It's annoyed me that a lot of friends in my local area (20 miles) outside of London all marked themselves safe when they'd already posted statuses saying they were at home watching it on the news!

I had one friend in London yesterday. I messaged her to ask if she was OK and she was just home and hadn't heard.

I can understand it for people that are known to live and/or work in the area (or South of the river in general for friends and family who aren't clued up on their exact location as one PP has posted), but I do feel it is making it about yourself if you blatantly were nowhere near there.

My last job in London pre DC was right in that exact location - I got off the train at London Bridge and walked to my office on Borough High Street. At lunchtime I crossed the road and went to Borough Market for food. But it was years ago and I wouldn't make a thing about it on social media, even though I felt so protective of 'my' part of London and extremely upset. That would be making it about me and it's not, it's about the victims and their families and the emergency service personnel that had to run towards danger.

ApocalypseNowt · 04/06/2017 20:51

I live up North and my understanding of London geography is sketchy at best. Add into that that I don't know where a lot of my friends and family work.

I do appreciate the fb check-ins. I assume most people are using the function for that reason.

waitforitfdear · 04/06/2017 20:53

I wish our dd had been able to tell us she was alive after a horrific trauma 5 years she op.

Which war zone did you grow up in?

ClementineWardrobe · 04/06/2017 20:53

We are in outer London but my husband travels to London Bridge for work. Australian family and American friends and colleagues asked if we were ok, via FAB. they have little idea of the distance but for all they knew we'd travelled in to town last night. If someone marks themselves safe that's fine by me. It was very touching that they were concerned. I am dreading his travelling into work tomorrow.

xrayyankeezulu · 04/06/2017 20:54

A lot of people don't realise the vastness of London, if someone lives in the London area & live away from immediate family etc then I can understand them doing it to avoid worrying their loved ones. I don't think it takes anything away from the victims or creates a drama I think it's just sparing the worry for those close to them.

On the other hand, if you live a 6 hour drive away & have no ties with London whatsoever & do so (as many in my home town have done today) then you're just a cock!!

katiegg · 04/06/2017 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 04/06/2017 20:55

I couldn't disagree more. I've three separate friends visiting London this weekend - I'm certainly not across all of their itineraries and was relieved to see their check-ins this morning. One other friend lives at London Bridge, another lives in the burbs but goes out a lot in central London. Having one simple click from all five of them saved me some worry, multiply that by all their other friends and relatives...

sundayfeeling · 04/06/2017 20:56

I completely agree OP! I also find it attention seeking. If you have time to mark yourself on FB then you have time to text your family.
A day after the Manchester attack someone I know marked herself 'safe'. I know she's not Ariana's fan so wasn't at the concert. She lives in the North East but not in Manchester. Completely attention seeking thing to do in her case!
I'm in London and know lots of people here but this marking thing is really annoying me.

Notalotterywinner · 04/06/2017 20:58

I think it's because London is vast and has a huge commuter network, I live in Surrey, 39 miles from London Bridge but I could have easily been out in London, I travel there for work and socialise frequently.

People from far afield in many counties consider themselves Londoners or are people that travel into the City frequently but I have to say if they mark themselves safe then it really wouldn't annoy me, I am glad that they are ok. If you see this on your Facebook feed isn't it your friends? Not strangers? Surely you are glad that they are ok too?