Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that marking yourself as safe when you're nowhere near is counterproductive and attention seeking?

88 replies

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 20:31

I agree there are definitely some circumstances in which it is a positive thing, but I feel this function that Facebook has of allowing people to mark themselves "safe" seems in some way to equate the experience of simply being in Greater London when a terrorist attack happens with the experience of those who are surviving in places which have ongoing mass atrocities (like Aleppo) where the language Facebook uses would be more appropriate.

If you know someone who is one of the 9 million people who live in London but they don't live, work and only occasionally go to the specific place where the attack happens, it is very unlikely they are one of the 7 killed and 50 injured.

I feel that it first of all undermines the attention that the families, people and aid workers who are really suffering as a result of the attack should be getting, by turning the focus to unrelated people, many of whom live up to 10 miles away from the attack. And that secondly it also gives people a false perception of the place and circumstances they live in by them being given the drama of having to declare themselves, or seeing their friends on Facebook declaring themselves "safe" or not.

I grew up in a war zone. Social media didn't exist at the time, so you didn't know if someone had been killed or injured and you never had an accurate idea about what was happening and where. But if it had existed, the state of war was so chronic and people were so hardened to it that you would've been laughed at for marking yourself safe if a bomb had gone off in a village a mile away, let alone a place you never went.

I know that terrorism is the same-level horrific whether it is a one off, ongoing or in any country of the world, but I feel Facebook is yet again warping our perception of ourselves and others by making a terrorist attack another chance for narcissism in a small way.

OP posts:
manandbeast · 04/06/2017 21:31

Agree it's attention seeking for the most part!

Supermagicsmile · 04/06/2017 21:33

YANBU! We live in a village and people are all over Facebook saying they're safe. I commented one "didn't know you had been in London" she was at my house last night so I know she genuinely wasn't. She replied that she wasn't (we don't live even anywhere close!!)

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/06/2017 21:34

YABU. My cousin marked herself safe, this saved her (and her parents) from receiving umpteen messages from other family members. Her usage was the opposite of "attention seeking".Hmm

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 21:37

But LittleMissCrappy my beef is so much more with the way that Facebook markets this feature, the binary language it uses, playing on people's addiction to information, than it is with people who use it for perfectly legitimate circumstances, like friends and family from abroad.

I am from the Middle East and have lots of friends and family all over the world. And I like to know that they are safe just like you.

OP posts:
Binkybix · 04/06/2017 21:40

It annoys me but I know I'm being unreasonable. I live quite close, and was close to the Westminster attacks but something in me just dislikes the feature. Having said that, I knew someone who died in the Paris attacks and saw how that unfolded overnight in terms of people desperately trying to find information, so maybe it is a good thing to put peoples' minds at rest.

Splinters in arse.

RaspberryPi1 · 04/06/2017 21:41

You only see this for your friends... so if it's that much of an issue either bring it up with them, or unfriend them!

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 21:45

RaspberryPi1 I have been saying above I dislike facebook's marketing of the feature more than I am annoyed by the people using it

OP posts:
JefferysJodpers · 04/06/2017 21:46

I've disliked the feature, but I woke up to a few people asking if I was ok and it seemed pretty miserable not to confirm if they were actually worried.

I'm a few miles away across town but it's not unheard of to go for a drink there so I understood why someone may ask.

lastqueenofscotland · 04/06/2017 21:48

YANBU I live in Manchester City centre and it annoyed the hell out of me the other week.

waitforitfdear · 04/06/2017 21:51

I find it really strange that someone who grew up 'in a war zone' would post this.

I know from our experience the utter and total agony of no knowing for hours of a child is dead or alive so no think the fiction is fantastic. Yes there's always attention seekers but that's life.

PetalMettle · 04/06/2017 21:52

I live 3 miles from the market. I was asked to mark myself safe so I did. Marlimg yourself safe is arguably better than self indulgent statuses about once having walked through borough market

RaspberryPi1 · 04/06/2017 21:52

Bricksandbriefcase maybe fb isn't for you.
I think the feature is invaluable. Allows you to offer shelter to others in need.

Trollspoopglitter · 04/06/2017 21:53

I have a friend who marked herself safe. She was on a holiday in Greece at the time (and normally commutes into London via Waterloo during only during Monday-Friday). I guess you could say her overseas relatives weren't to know she was on a holiday, but as she has been posting endless pictures of beaches and checking herself into places every bloody hour on FB, each day of the holiday... It would be pretty hard to miss.

JuicyStrawberry · 04/06/2017 21:55

I live in the northwest so nowhere near London. It would be ridiculous to mark myself as "safe". Of course I'm safe, I'm miles away from London! I think that's what the op is getting at.

Violetcharlotte · 04/06/2017 21:56

This was debated on Facebook earlier on a thread one of my friends commented on. The poster made the same point as the OP My friend who lives in London said he used it and it stopped his Mum going out of her mind with worry.

RaspberryPi1 · 04/06/2017 21:56

JuicyStrawberry if it doesn't apply to you, then just select option "doesn't apply to me"

Don't understand the issue, if you don't like it, don't use it.

HeyRoly · 04/06/2017 21:59

My cousin marked herself as "safe" after Westminster and again today.

She lives in deepest Surrey.

I find it quite narcissistic. "Don't worry everyone, I'm OK!" Hmm

ElleMcElle · 04/06/2017 22:00

I think the feature is well-intentioned and potentially useful, but you make an interesting point about the language playing into panic and fear. I certainly scoffed a bit at people in Kent / Surrey who hadn't even been out in London that night checking in to reassure us all that they were safe. Perhaps that's cynical of me - but my gut reaction was similar to yours.

I live in zone 2, about 4 miles from London Bridge - might occasionally go out there, but tend to stay more North / East. I received a specific FB request from a friend in Brussels asking if I was safe, so it felt churlish not to press "Yes" - but I did feel that perhaps it was a bit unnecessary, given I'm nowhere near the place. But perhaps to people outside London, it sounds like you're "there".

Unfortunately, it isn't difficult to imagine a much larger, more widely spread series of attacks - when the feature could be incredibly useful.

I'm much more annoyed at the comments from people at the other end of the country announcing that they won't let their kids go on school trips to London in future. I assume they won't be letting them get in a car either, then - as they're still much more likely to die in a traffic accident than be caught up in an act of terrorism.

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 22:01

waitforitdear I'm so sorry that you went through so much concern over your dd, that must have been very hard.

I just don't think knowing if someone is safe should hinge on facebook's quite binary, panic-inducing function. Plus, as the title says, i don't think people who are known to be nowhere near the attack, should be marking themselves as safe or using the function.

I assume in the circumstances with your dd you had no idea where she was.

You have to understand that my question has nothing to do with not having empathy for people who want to know their loved ones are safe, it's more to do with how Facebook is changing the face of world events to make people feel or be able to portray that they are in the centre of things when they're not.

OP posts:
DorotheaBeale · 04/06/2017 22:02

he used it and it stopped his Mum going out of her mind with worry.

Couldn't he just call his mum? If I thought my mum might think I was anywhere near a major incident, I'd phone her before I even thought about doing anything else.

LizB62A · 04/06/2017 22:02

Facebook asked me if I was safe, I tried to select "Does not apply to me" as I'm about 15 miles away from London Bridge.
However, Facebook didn't like it - it only stopped asking me when I clicked on "I'm safe"
Bastard Facebook - I didn't want to have to click I'm safe as I agree, people who know me will know I was nowhere near.....

The other thing that pisses me off is all these people on the Facebook Safety page who are offering to donate blood. One person even said she'd deliver her blood... !!
Why doesn't FB put up some information that is actually useful? e.g. how to sign up to donate blood
p.s. for anyone who does want to donate blood, you can sign up at www.blood.co.uk/ (as amazingly the NHS doesn't actually have the resources to read bazillions of random FB posts where people offer to donate blood)

Bricksandbriefcase · 04/06/2017 22:06

LizB62A my DH said exactly the same thing earlier about the offers of help. He said it was potentially dangerous for the people offering. Especially those who are offering to "talk" or "anything you need."

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 04/06/2017 22:10

he used it and it stopped his Mum going out of her mind with worry.

Couldn't he just call his mum? If I thought my mum might think I was anywhere near a major incident, I'd phone her before I even thought about doing anything else.

Calling / texting Mum is just way too obvious, instant and quick.

Mum will be much more reassured by logging onto FB, scrolling through her feed, and eventually coming to the part where her child has marked themselves as safe.

Griffintoes · 04/06/2017 22:11

Couldn't he just call his mum? If I thought my mum might think I was anywhere near a major incident, I'd phone her before I even thought about doing anything else.

When the 7/7 attacks happened the mobile networks were 'jammed' and people were asked only to call in emergencies.

It's natural for people to want to let everyone know is they're okay. I have a lot of friends in the US, as well as the UK who have no clue that I live in West London and don't party in London Bridge. Other friends of mine were travelling through the area, although they live nowhere near.

I agree with the FB thing about giving blood being thoroughly daft. I saw someone from Stoke offering, and people offering rooms to stay in Maidenhead!

ThomasRichard · 04/06/2017 22:11

I was 35 miles away last night but still marked myself safe because:

  • I have friends and family abroad who have no idea about the finer geography of Greater London;
  • My bf lives in central London so I spend a great deal of time there, was in London for several days last week, left Saturday morning and had posted a few pics of touristy things we'd done, so I didn't want anyone worrying.

I don't think that makes me an attention-seeking drama llama really.