Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated by people who won't talk about last night in London?

126 replies

MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 17:15

I seem to be surrounded by a group of people who don't want to talk about what happened last night.

They seem very happy to post lovely social media pictures of parties, events, pictures of children beaming. Even those that don't seem unwilling to talk about this 'dark' subject (may be a product of where we live).

Am I some kind of weirdo or do these conversations need to take place?

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 04/06/2017 20:40

OP
I take it you are another poster who hasn't lost anyone in these kinds of circumstances?
It's bad enough without people in my real life wanting to talk about it. I had a short talk with mum this morning as she was worried about my mental health.

What is the important conversation you think you should be having?
I'm not going to watch the news either. I think their attitude to this is terrible.

pigsDOfly · 04/06/2017 20:42

*should say, some of the posts on social media, saying that 'the injured are in my thoughts' is self-aggrandizing.

MagentaRocks · 04/06/2017 20:42

I don't know what talking about it will achieve in terms of stopping it.

I don't talk much about this type of thing in my personal life. I don't because I am likely to cry as I find this sort of thing very emotional. I do talk about it in work as I line manage a lot of people and some will be more affected than others and the work I do this horrific sort of incident has an impact on our work. I find it easier to keep my emotions in check at work because I have to. Outside of work is totally different.

Just because I don't talk much about it doesn't mean I don't care.

fanfrickintastic · 04/06/2017 20:45

I'm one of those I'm afraid.

I won't talk about it. I'm sad for those involved and their loved ones, but other than that I don't see what needs to be said. I refuse to give it head space and I'm going about my business as usual.

I can't really see the point in talking about it. What conversation needs to be had? It isn't because it's a dark subject - I'm happy to talk about dark subjects, I just can't see a point to the conversation.

CheeseOfHearts · 04/06/2017 20:46

The only people I know who have any desire to discuss this in depth are a)people who use it as an excuse to go on a racist rant (and will use any old excuse for that anyway) or b)ghouls like my grandmother who relish all the most gory and disturbing details of any tragedy because they get some peculiar pleasure out of it. No desire to discuss it with either.

Atenco · 04/06/2017 20:46

mtpaektu I agree with most of your post, but at this stage I don't really see any connection with the UK's recent military history, dispicable as I consider it to be. These young men are out-and-out nihilists and I honestly haven't a clue what the aims and philosophy of their handlers are, except that there is nothing remotely Islamic about them.

fanfrickintastic · 04/06/2017 20:47

Oh. And I don't post on social media about it.

Original poster
MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 20:49

A lot of judgy comments about me judging the views of people on here. I'm not and it wasn't Facebook. Flowers to those who have been through terrible things.

This was a small group email conversation. Hiding this now.

OP posts:
Shockers · 04/06/2017 20:57

Here's the thing... I have personally thought, cried and empathised with the people of Manchester (I had visited the Arena 3 times in the fortnight before the attack, to see Bruno Mars, Micky Flanagan and Take That). I have done the same since last night too.

The whole fb changing profile pictures and commenting, I'm just not able to do. I care deeply. Posting on fb may attract comments that I'm just not up to challenging at the moment.

These acts were committed by extremists. Islam has feck all to do with it. I hate the division and bigotry I'm witnessing at the moment.

ARumWithAView · 04/06/2017 21:13

Misty, but you do sound judgemental ('defeatist attitudes' and 'I guess this thread attracts a certain sort of reply' and your opening observations about people who'll post pictures of smiling children but won't engage with this 'dark' subject).

Saying you'll hide this thread (that's what you meant?) only underlines how little you're prepared to empathise with other people's mindsets. You started this discussion, barely bothered to debate the replies, and now you're leaving. So apparently you get to both raise the issue of your choice and dictate the tone and content of replies, or you won't participate.

People have the right to withdraw and process horrible events on their own terms; for one thing, many responses on here show we have no fucking idea what traumatic events they've already experienced. I'm not sure what point Flowers are if everyone's obliged to reveal their life story to avoid being written off as less sensitive or less politically engaged than you deem appropriate.

Original poster
MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 21:43

Arum I understand your points, but I asked if was being unreasonable to be frustrated, and everyone said I was, so I was taking my frustration elsewhere. I do appreciate that people deal with things in different ways.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 04/06/2017 21:45

OP why do you want to hide the thread?
I was just tlling my experience, I did hope you'd stop and think but wasn't having a massive go?

WaxyBean · 04/06/2017 21:46

This was very close to home for me - I walk over London Bridge every day as a commuter. Today I want to post a photo of my children at a wedding and not think about the atrocities that happened last night. I am deeply saddened and horrified but that doesn't stop life happening and I won't let them win...

lazycrazyhazy · 04/06/2017 22:02

Surely social media (and here we seem to be focussed mainly on FB) is for each of us to use as we see fit within decent boundaries. Everyone is free to unfollow or follow anyone else. I may be just as nauseated by those who post endless "look at my perfect life" updates as someone else is with those who post political stuff or comment on world events. Personally I'm not sure how saying you're sorry about a tragedy is "look at me". I tend to be somewhere in the middle I hope. Not sure that history reflects very well on putting our heads down and ignoring.... but we all feel impotent and some need to talk about it and some need not to.

Keepthebloodynoisedown · 04/06/2017 22:05

LittleBeautyBelle what are you on about? I doubt that many terrorists use mumsnet, so not sure how 'lecturing' will help.

When the attack in Manchester happened, I stayed up all night watching the news.
Last night dp saw the news on his phone, and I told him I didn't want to talk about it, and I haven't posted on FB that I'm #praying. Not because I'm heartless, and I did actually pray last night, but because I've been having a shit time recently and mental health wise I haven't been coping well, and because I can't stop living my life, and having a good time when I can.

lazycrazyhazy · 04/06/2017 22:06

Just to add, like a PP I felt I had to sit up and watch the news last night at least until my youngest managed to get across London safely at 2am. My DH went to bed and slept. These things affect us all differently. We were both out with DD and DGC for brunch in a busy area of London today, like thousands of others.

SparklyMagpie · 04/06/2017 22:41

Love how you start a thread talking crap and now you've decided you don't want to talk anymore. FWIW yes you ABU but atleast you know that now.

As for the poster who said we need to talk more, i doubt everybody posting and talking on fb is going to change all of this, how ridiculous

I'm with the huge majority of posters on here and i'm saddened to head the stories you have been through. Nobody can say you're wrong for not wanting to talk and shame on you who think they must

LiveLongAndProspero · 04/06/2017 22:58

Why would talking to YOU about it help anything?

pandarific · 04/06/2017 22:59

I don't really want to talk about it tbh, or watch the concert, or read up about it. I have my own reasons, and I am how I am. In a million years I'd never wish that on those poor people and have all sympathies, but if you started speaking about it with me I'd listen, sympathise and chanse the subject too. I don't think that makes me somehow 'wrong'.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/06/2017 23:01

I know what you mean OP Flowers

Ecureuil · 05/06/2017 06:10

Maybe they're talking to family about it? Partners/spouses/parents/siblings? Why do they have to talk to you?

mimishimmi · 05/06/2017 07:21

I don't want to talk about it in real life because I get really upset when people start spouting shit about others even when they know full well how this war crimes game has affected their own communities in the past.

Slimthistime · 05/06/2017 09:08

Sparkly "Love how you start a thread talking crap and now you've decided you don't want to talk anymore"

IKR.!

faithinthesound · 05/06/2017 09:27

My facebook has been completely sanitized due to the fact that I am training to become a teacher, and I want to control what a google of my name turns up. It now consists of pictures of pugs, wordplay, and banality about my day to day.

It doesn't mean I don't care.

But in the same vein as a PP, who the hell are you to decide how people get to deal with things? You want to talk about it, bully for you. You don't get to MAKE people talk about it against their will.

WestWithTheSun · 05/06/2017 09:44

They seem very happy to post lovely social media pictures of parties, events, pictures of children beaming.

Surely by not posting normality we would have demonstrated that terrorism can change the way we go about our lives? By stopping posting normality, and lingering on the acts of terrorism instead on social media we are giving a platform for publicity to the terrorists.

OP, if you want to talk about it to someone, you need to find someone who wants to talk about it too. But don't assume that people who at carrying on as normal on FB don't care, and don't expect them to change the way they post because you want them to.