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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be frustrated by people who won't talk about last night in London?

126 replies

MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 17:15

I seem to be surrounded by a group of people who don't want to talk about what happened last night.

They seem very happy to post lovely social media pictures of parties, events, pictures of children beaming. Even those that don't seem unwilling to talk about this 'dark' subject (may be a product of where we live).

Am I some kind of weirdo or do these conversations need to take place?

OP posts:

Ravenesque · 04/06/2017 17:51

I didn't really talk about Westminster or Manchester and I'm not really talking about last night. I'm also not talking about the two terror attacks in Kabul either. Why? Because people are dying in these attacks every day and if I allow myself to talk about it too much I will fall apart with despair. It's awful, all of it is awful and my heart does go out to injured families and friends of the dead wherever they be, but my talking about it won't change anything at all and to be honest talking about the "Oh and what if?!" "And did you see? Do you think that this is why/or how/or whatever" feels - for me - like rubbernecking and I don't want to do it. No judgement on those who do feel the need to talk about it, but yes, YABU to expect everyone to want to talk about something that was horrible and upsetting and that the vast majority of us weren't involved in.

Andcake · 04/06/2017 17:53

I was caught up in a previous attack and burst into tears when heard this morning.
I have not discussed the attack last night and most don't know my history. Do they all think I'm heartless?
Also avoiding social media for all the platitudes or 'making it about me style posts'

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 04/06/2017 17:53

Op. Seriously what will you and your friends posting twattery on Facebook actually achieve?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to be massively triggered by all this and to keep oneself on an even keel?

How exactly envisage making me talk about it and what will that achieve? It will push me to a break down and self harm and probably put me back on medication and off work and make my day to day life difficult. Why would you want to do that to me?

Fairylea · 04/06/2017 17:54

My dh won't talk about it. We were watching a film last night at home and when it finished I checked my phone and the news came up. I told him about it and he agreed it was awful and then changed the subject. He won't talk about anything like this. He says he feels it's pointless as he isn't involved in politics and doesn't feel knowing more about it changes anything. He is one of those who would happily go to London any day of the week and think well anyone could die tomorrow so....

I am the opposite. I am very politically minded and interested in the news and I wanted to find out more about what happened yesterday. The only place I can discuss it is on here!

Original poster

MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 17:54

Thanks FreeNiki for that magnificent insight.

Some people are more anxious than others and struggle with these things. Anyway, as you were.

OP posts:

Eolian · 04/06/2017 17:56

What is there to talk about? How does talking make it better? Usually the only things that come out of discussing it (particularly on social media) are actively unhelpful: angry reactions which spill over into blaming whole races or religions rather than the perpetrators; unnecessary speculation about the details etc.

It is an awful, terrible thing. But sadly, awful terrible things happen all over the world every day. People are killed in this country in horrible ways every day - through domestic violence, drunk drivers, gangs etc. But for some reason, the terrible stories of those killed by terrorists seem to be considered public property in a way that other victims aren't.

Beyondworried · 04/06/2017 17:56

It's becoming the new normal....... like mass shootings in the US.

corythatwas · 04/06/2017 17:57

I don't feel I have anything meaningful to say as I was not caught up in any of these attacks, but would always be willing to lend an ear to anyone who was.

If I post or retweet anything on Social media it will be something of a political nature that I feel needs to be said: not just constant "oh how awful, I feel so upset". The latter seems rather presumptious when neither I nor any of mine have been hurt.

sonjadog · 04/06/2017 17:58

I grew up in Belfast through the worst years of the Troubles. My friends and I never discussed what was going on, not once. It is part of the strategy of not letting them win for many people. They aren´t even worth the time of a conversation.

FreeNiki · 04/06/2017 17:58

It's becoming the new normal

The new normal again.....no one remember the IRA and no waste bins and looking for a bomb under every car?

Sahara123 · 04/06/2017 17:59

I don't want to talk about it either. What would I say ? I have many friends, family and my youngest daughter living in London, and whilst I know the chances of something happening to them are slim I still feel actually sick when I think of them. Doesn't mean I don't care, far from it. And I don't use Facebook, largely due to all the self serving platitudes which mean pretty much nothing to me. We all know it's awful. Some things are beyond words.

FreeNiki · 04/06/2017 17:59

Thanks FreeNiki for that magnificent insight

Not sure if that is sarcasm or not but as you were too.

Original poster

MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 17:59

Fairylea glad it's just not me. I guess this thread attracts a certain sort of reply and I'm probably posting in the wrong place.

I get frustrated with that sort of defeatist response.

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 04/06/2017 18:03

Do you mean "talking" about it on facebook?

People react differently. Many people in RL don't want to talk about it, which is fair enough.

LedaP · 04/06/2017 18:03

I grew up in derry. I didnt talk about these things because (i thought) i was used to it.

Its actually turned out i am not. My brain was doing a great job of suppressing whats happened in my past. Relatives killed, been injured myself etc.

Now i dont talk about it because it brings my past back and gives me a panic attack.

Who are you to force me to talk about it or post about it?

Why is your right to talk about more important than mine? Why does my state of mind mean you can judge me?

sonjadog · 04/06/2017 18:03

What would you like to talk about, Misty? Maybe if you tell us, we can talk it through with you.

Emma1609 · 04/06/2017 18:04

Social media is not real life and real interaction - it is false bullshit. If you were physically sitting in a room with people I'm sure most people would mention it.

sonjadog · 04/06/2017 18:05

Me too, Leda. I didn´t realized how much it had screwed me up until a lot later in life. I´ve finally found peace with it now though. I hope you do too.

Fairylea · 04/06/2017 18:06

It's good for people to be able to talk about these things if they want to, in the same way that someone who has anxiety usually benefits from talking to others about it. Looking through the threads on mumsnet it's very normal to want to discuss these things. They affect us all and our attitudes and how we conduct our lives. Personally I haven't posted anything on Facebook (terror related or otherwise) but I do like to read points of view online in various news sources and on here. Most of all I am grateful to live in a society in which we can discuss these things and have an opinion.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 04/06/2017 18:08

grew up in Belfast through the worst years of the Troubles. My friends and I never discussed what was going on, not once. It is part of the strategy of not letting them win for many people. They aren´t even worth the time of a conversation.

Fellow Belfast lass sonja and that's exactly how I feel. I don't need to talk about it because the perpetrators are a bunch of low-life wastes of space who get far too much power from the application of the word 'terrorist'.

I'm not traumatised. I don't need to make it about me, because it isn't.

Sahara123 · 04/06/2017 18:09

If you want to talk about it that's fine. If you don't want to, that's fine too.

LedaP · 04/06/2017 18:09

Thanks sonja.

I hope so too. Not sure its likely though. Especially with people kike the op judging people as heartless because they would rather post a photo of their kids having fun rather than some well meaning facebook post.

ARumWithAView · 04/06/2017 18:13

But how are these people expressing their refusal? Is this all on FB? Are they just not commenting on your London-related status or posts? Are you tagging them in comments and getting no response? Is it that their homepages aren't swamped with supportive 'love you, London' quotes or angry rants or stay safe advice?

All of that is a matter of personal choice (even taste); plenty of people find it as cumulatively annoying or overwhelming as others find it helpful and supportive.

If, on the other hand, you're trying to say something in person about the London attacks, and even though you're clearly distressed people are yawning or telling you to drop it or giving blank stares - yes, that would be harsh, especially from close friends. But if this is all about not having the 'correct' post-terrorism reaction on social media, then YABVVU.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 04/06/2017 18:15

This ok op?

To be frustrated by people who won't talk about last night in London?

Oblomov17 · 04/06/2017 18:15

Why does that bother you OP? I haven't posted much on FB. I don't want to talk about it much. What is there to say?

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