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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be frustrated by people who won't talk about last night in London?

126 replies

MistySparrow · 04/06/2017 17:15

I seem to be surrounded by a group of people who don't want to talk about what happened last night.

They seem very happy to post lovely social media pictures of parties, events, pictures of children beaming. Even those that don't seem unwilling to talk about this 'dark' subject (may be a product of where we live).

Am I some kind of weirdo or do these conversations need to take place?

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 04/06/2017 18:16

FB isn't a great forum for most kinds of "talk" IMO. If you want online "talk" chat forums are a good way to find others who want to "talk".

Chestervase1 · 04/06/2017 18:16

I think there is an air about of not talking about the attacks as to do so would deemed to be racist and not politically correct. Certainly many people are angrier than they were previously.

lrb978 · 04/06/2017 18:18

I have spoken about it, to one person. I may speak to a select few others, but I will be eating lunch tomorrow in my car rather than the staff room so I can minimise how much I have to talk about it at work. I won't be posting about it online other than this one post. I have been very careful about how much time I have spent on news websites today (and after other terrorist incidents) and will not watch a news programme for the next few days. I am out at a monthly meet-up tomorrow, but will leave early if that is the only way not to have to talk about it (unless one of the select few is there).

This has nothing to do with me not wanting to know or acknowledge the horrendousness of what has happened recently, but everything to do with protecting my mental health. My family was caught up in a terrorist attack when I was 10, and it has had a massive impact on the subsequent 30ish yrs of my life. I also have Aspergers, and can get obsessed over finding out every last fact about, well, anything I get interested in. But obsessing over terrorist attacks is a one way ticket to serious mental health issues for me. So I don't let myself. Which means mainly avoiding conversations, social media updates, news channels (online and offline) and being strict with myself. It doesn't mean I have no interest or don't care.

PookieDo · 04/06/2017 18:18

I've found that the ones posting are ranting about 'sending them all home' and other such Daily Mail rhetoric so I would rather they said nothing at all and just posted a nice photo of the park instead

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 18:20

no idea why people feel a need to post stuff on facebook about this kind of thing. why do you do it op?

blueskyinmarch · 04/06/2017 18:26

I am watching the extended BBC news coverage. I am going to watch the One Love concert in Manchester. I am interested but i can’t talk about it. My first DD died in horrific circumstances. I find it all too sad to talk about with anyone other than those i really trust. It is all too raw.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/06/2017 18:26

I don't see the point of posting 'how awful' on FB. Surely everyone feels the same. There is nothing more I can add.

corythatwas · 04/06/2017 18:26

Nice balanced post by Fairylea. Of course many people do feel the need to talk through their anxieties and for many Facebook is the natural medium. But it's probably better not to judge other people if they don't react in exactly the same way as you do. It doesn't have to be defeatist, it doesn't have to be non-caring.

noeffingidea · 04/06/2017 18:29

I haven't talked about it much either. There's not much to talk about anymore, it's all been said already. I'm not on social media anyway other than a few forums.
Yes it is becoming a new normal which means just geting on with life, not showing our fear and allowing the security and emergency forces to do their jobs.
What I have come to realise over the last few weeks is that we are priveleged in this country. This is just a taster of what others have to endure simply through an accident of birth. Some people live with this threat every day of their lives. They already have very little compared to us, if they can live in courage and dignity then so can I.

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 04/06/2017 18:30

What do you mean, not talking about it, OP ? Do you mean you're surprised people haven't made a comment on social media?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/06/2017 18:30

(((Lrb978))) 💐 You're doing a good job of looking after yourself. Don't let anyone throw you off track x

Misty your posts are coming across as very sanctimonious. What, exactly, do you think you or others talking about it is going achieve? You accuse 'fairylea's DH' of having a defeatist attitude, but what would it gave achieved if he'd stayed up to watch the TV with her? You seem to be implying you are a better person for wanting to talk about it. Talking does jack shit. If you cpwant to change things you need to DO something, not just whinge that people don't want to talk about it.

barrygetamoveonplease · 04/06/2017 18:35

I won't talk about it because I'm so completely hacked off with all the people who talk such absolute rot.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 04/06/2017 18:36

Op. Do you know who Colin Horner was? How much did you talk about his death? How much did you post on Facebook about him? Do you know who Adrian Ismay was? How much did you post about him?

they were killed by terrorists in the uk.

Or is your need to talk about this selective?

DavetheCat2001 · 04/06/2017 18:37

There always seems to be a mad rush to be the first person to announce an atrocity on FB, or be the first with the platitudes.

I understand people needing to talk about it, but the race to be the bearer of bad news grips my shit.

TinselTwins · 04/06/2017 18:42

Social media is not real life!

I don't post about things like this on social media, I do talk about them. As in, in person, with my mouth.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/06/2017 18:43

There is a fair bit on my FB feed but I don't really see much point in putting stuff on there as most people WILL discuss it with their nearest and dearest in actual real life. Of COURSE people think it's awful but it won't be less awful by posting about it on FB as well as discussing it in real life. Some things are just so obvious they really don't need commenting about on FB.

I've "liked" the odd FB post so the people that are desperately interested in finding out whether or not I am a heartless bitch can be satisfied that I do care, I don't need to proclaim it from the rooftops.

I have deliberately posted peaceful and happy pictures of a family event and beautiful countryside today. This is to make my own statement that we are part of a fantastic country with people living here who love each other and are free to appreciate the freedoms we have. And this will continue every single day no matter what any cold and deranged terrorist will do.

I want to see peace and love on my FB feeds DESPITE the atrocities that these people commit as I can't think of any better way of sticking a finger up at extremist groups.

Even in the most bomb-hit areas of Syria families are still just trying to enjoy their family life as best they can. What good will it do them to sit hand-wringing?

NeverTwerkNaked · 04/06/2017 18:47

I haven't posted about it on social media because it would seem abhorrent to try and make such a tragedy somehow about me.
I have posted a photo of some flowers I took because I thought some people might enjoy the natural beauty at a time when we are all horrified by events.

lrb978 · 04/06/2017 18:48

Thanks @AnnieAnoniMouse It took a long time for me to work out what I was doing, and the effect it had on me. Now it is second nature to avoid it. I just wanted, along with others, to point out the difference between not talking and not caring.

And I am not the only one on this thread with similar reasons, never mind on Mumsnet or anywhere else the OP is looking/listening.

stillawakeatthishour · 04/06/2017 18:54

Jusy because they don't post on social media, or talk to you about it doesn't mean they dont care

topcat2014 · 04/06/2017 18:54

There is nothing useful I could add. I twas devastating news this morning, but I don't live in London or work for the emergency services, thus I just got on with my day.

I don't personally hold with all this changing profile pictures stuff, but don't judge people that do.

GloriaGilbert · 04/06/2017 18:55

They sound refreshingly balanced and restrained to me.

LittleBeautyBelle · 04/06/2017 18:59

YANBU

Until people start talking about this and what to do about it and why, etc., the attacks will only get worse. They occur on a regular basis now. These terror attacks are not normal, they are not something to "get used to", that to me is the most outrageous thing I hear about all these terror attacks. No, I will not get used to it. Ridiculous. That is the most dim witted comment I've ever heard, shrugging "get used to it" that sounds like the terrorist talking, sorry.

I think people are afraid to talk about it, or want to ignore it and hope it goes away, don't post anything political/religious/important on their social media only vacation pictures or uplifting posts which is understandable too.

Both sides villify anybody giving their opinion so that now everyone's afraid to open their mouth. I think we should all be free to say what we think without being punished for it, i.e. Being defriended or more importantly, people can get punished at work or their job somehow if their opinion is known, that I think is the single most common reason most people are afraid to comment.

Sunnymorningwithbacon · 04/06/2017 19:02

Oh little. You silly naive fool.

How dare you say I'm a terrorist talking for wanting to protect my own mental health. That is so incredibly offensive given my lived experience.

PaintingByNumbers · 04/06/2017 19:05

oh is that why people post this stuff? they like to imagine they are waging war on terror via outraged facebook messages. cute and stupid at the same time.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/06/2017 19:06

"That is the most dim witted comment I've ever heard, shrugging "get used to it" that sounds like the terrorist talking, sorry."

Well that's the most dim witted comment I'VE ever heard. Where are you getting the feeling that people are saying "get used to it"?! And being defeatist.

Total rot.

What exactly is your plan of action for solving this problem, Little? Lots and lots of debate and discussion? Particularly on social media? Yes, I think that might be the answer, why didn't we all think of that before.

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