To not want to split the bill evenly?

[PurpleDragon76]

When I go out for meals with friends it invariably ends up at the end of the night where its mentioned that it would be easier to just split the bill equally. Well, no, not to me. I don't drink so I don't want to cover the bottles of wine. I normally eat the cheaper food as it tends to be what I like. Every time a meal out is in the works I will mention something to the person who asks about how we will just pay for own and get a smile and a nod. Then on the night, sit down and someone says 'shall we share a bottle?" and I make a point of saying not for me. Then another bottle, or more. Then they are all tipsy at the end, and the splitting is mentioned, and I seem petty for yet again saying no I am not happy. Always made to feel the bad guy, get the eye rolling and sideway glances.

AIBU? On average if I split it would be say £30, just pay for me £15-£20.

Exactly teabag. It's never right to expect others to subsidise your lavish meal, but it's especially galling if you don't have a lot of money and you can afford to eat out only if you limit what you spend, especially on drinks.

So you manage to go out, pick the cheapest thing on the menu to stick to your budget, then someone whose had exactly what they want and eaten and drunk much more than you and probably has more money than you expects you to subsidise their good time.

Oh god, I hate going to dinner and then everyone wanting to pay individually. It drives me insane and I normally nip to the loo while people argue everything out to the last penny. In my experience, those who haven't drunk/had a pudding etc just pay a little less but that's all. I totally appreciate someone saying if I haven't had any alcohol so I'm not paying for that - no issue. But arguing the difference a couple of quid for a main course? Arghhhhh it all evens out after a few meals out!

I'm with the OP up to a point. However, it's not entirely straightforward. I remember being out for a meal with colleagues once where a few of us shared a bottle of (cheap!) wine, just one glass each. A non drinking colleague refused to split the bill but she had had a J2O which, when divided up between everyone actually meant that her bill was more expensive than ours. But she expected us to cover the wine then split the rest of the bill. That grated a bit.

However, in general, people out for the entire evening will drink more than one glass of wine, so in most situations the non drinkers are perfectly reasonable to not want to pay for the booze. Soft drinks are extortionate though. It's generally about £3.50 for a soft drink where I live, so they do need taken into account.

Find new friends, this lot are taking advantage of you.

At work we tend to split food bill but everyone buys their own drinks. It seems to work.
Socially we just split the bill between the families /friends and it tends to balance over time.

You need new friends. There is absolutely no way I'd pay for someone else's alcohol when I can't bear the stuff myself.

DH and I once went for a meal and did not drink alcohol as we had been ill over Christmas and tummy was still a bit tender. We also just ate pasta
2 "friends" of ours shared a hughly expensive lobster buffet things, one had a huge steak, others had speciality dishes. The group apart from us went through 7 bottles of wine.
When the bill came we were asked to pay £70 quid each. The looks we got when we didn't want to pay this.
One of DHs friends who had the lobster buffet then had the cheek to say he would not have had the buffet if he knew he would have to pay for it all and it was not his fault we only wanted pasta and did not want to drink.
We have not had a meal with them since

As a non drinker also, I would suggest I pay for my own meal and drinks then the rest can split the bill if they want to

I hope you didn't put the £70 pp in Raggydolly

I do suspect that some people order more food and/or higher priced dishes when they think they won't have to stump up the full cost themselves, but I've never heard of anyone brass necked enough to admit to it.

How the bill is going to be settled should have no bearing on what you order and you should never assume anything other than paying for what you had in full plus an appropriate tip.

It depends who I amm out with but when I am out with one group fo friends we take the wine off and split that between the drinkers then split the rest between us all.
If a friend said they just wanted to pay for theirs I wouldn't bat an eyelid.
I did once get cross with two people.. we were out for a meal and we were all paying sperately. One friend had ordered a starter but hadn't eaten it all so another friend had had some. It was posh breadsticks basically.
When the bill came the friend who had ordered the breadsticks tried to make the other friend pay a bit towards her starter but friend 2 refused. The 'discussion' went on and on......
If you want/need to pay separately there is nothing wrong with asking for a spearate bill right at the start.

YABU, just split the bill equally, I hate going out with people who want to pour over it like it's the 2017 budget. It's embarrassing and IMO poor manners.

And yes, I'm quite often the one who doesn't have a starter or booze.

cow
It's actually poor manners to expect their friends to subsidise drinking and expensive dishes.

I'll happily split if it's going to come within £5 and nobody is spending loads more on the table that others.

Paying for your own doesn't mean counting it to the pennies. It means "here's £20 to cover mine plus tip"

Do you mean "pore" over it?

It's worse manners to expect a non drinker to pay for your dependency on having to have alcohol with a meal. Nah.

"Arghhhhh it all evens out after a few meals out!"

No, it doesn't for me. Not every meal is with exactly the same people and the vegetarians always eat less.

Can I ask a related question to those saying share the bill please.

If I was invited to go out with a group of your friends and yourself for a meal, and I had just twenty pounds available to spend on the meal, no other money at all. Would you be happier for me to decline or offer to come along and just pay for my own so I could keep it within my budget, I am genuinely interested in the response

I spent a long time trying to get out of the event and was made to feel awful if I didn't go, so I had to hide my embarrassment and confess it was a money issue, then they said I could keep to that budget but the bill emerged and other members of the dinning party made me feel tight for just paying for my own meal. So would it have been better for me not to go unless I can contribute to other peoples menu choices, drinks too?

It'snot - personally I have no problem at all with people just paying for their own meal. I've been in your situation and I think it's rubbish to have to turn down a night out just because you're not in a position to subsidise other people's alcohol consumption.

YABU, just split the bill equally, I hate going out with people who want to pour over it like it's the 2017 budget. It's embarrassing and IMO poor manners

But expecting others to pay for your excesses isn't embarrassing or poor manners?

Thanks for your response whileweareonthesubject I feel a bit better now, to be honest those at the meal who know me well, know I am not tight, I am normally accused of being over generous (not charging my adult children, rent etc) But I am currently struggling financially and this month there were so many birthdays and expenses it really did boil down to attend and pay my own or miss the event. The meal was for my sons girlfriend and she is like a dd to me so she was upset I said I couldn't afford to go, she reassured me everyone would pay for their own, but some of her family were obviously not so happy I didn't split the bill. First world problems aye :)

I can't believe what horrible friends so many of you seem to have. I can't imagine going out for a meal and expecting non-drinking friends to subsidise my drinking. It's standard practice in my friendship group that non-drinkers cover themselves and the rest tend to split the bill. There's no embarrassment or rolling of eyes. It isn't unfair to refuse to pay for alcoholic drinks when you're not drinking yourself. Likewise, soft drinks don't cost anywhere near the same as alcohol and it certainly doesn't even itself out over time if you never drink alcohol when you go out for a meal where as everyone else is guzzling alcohol like fresh air.

OP don't feel bad or embarrassed. You've got no reason to feel like you've done something wrong. If anything your friends should be the ones ashamed of themselves for rolling their eyes because you aren't going to fund their drinking.

I always keep a mental track of what mine adds up to roughly, add a few quid on and when the bill comes throw in my£20 or whatever and say "right that covers mine and the tip" and leave the others to do whatever they want to do.

There's always those who gobble lobster etc and expect others to pay and look surprised when the bill isn't split equally. Well, I ain't paying for your food you tightfisted fuckface

The sensible civilised way to do this if you only wish to pay for what you have consumed is to arrange with the waiter to order and pay separately as soon as you arrive at the table

You have to be a bit careful/generous if you're throwing in what you think you owe and don't want to look tight.

Eg starter £4.50, main £9.95, soft drink £1.95 - don't mentally add this as "4+9+2=15, +10%=£16.50, I've got £16.30 in cash, that'll do". Safer to round up each thing, "5+10+2=17, +10%=£18.70, call it £20".

If your budget is very tight then you work it out backwards and know that you won't order more than (say) £18 in total and you do your sums carefully as you go along.

I hate it when it's hard to work out how much soft drinks are in restaurants. Often all the beers and wines are carefully listed but post-mix soft drinks aren't, so you've no idea if it'll be £1 or £3, nor what size you'll get.

I do that MrsH, always round up just to be on the safe side.

Even bill splitting does piss me off, I have one maybe two beers with my meal which is normally a £5 starter and £10 main while everyone else sticks the drip of Prosecco in their vein and nails a bottle each and has a £10 starter, £20 main, extras, dessert, bleedin liqeur coffees........ I challenge even the most laid back person to be happy about splitting THOSE bills!

I don't get my calculator out, I just round up to the nearest 5 normally. Happy to split other times when its more even.

teabag I am a carer to so like you the bit of money I get is budgeted. I feel your pain!