To not want to split the bill evenly?

[PurpleDragon76]

When I go out for meals with friends it invariably ends up at the end of the night where its mentioned that it would be easier to just split the bill equally. Well, no, not to me. I don't drink so I don't want to cover the bottles of wine. I normally eat the cheaper food as it tends to be what I like. Every time a meal out is in the works I will mention something to the person who asks about how we will just pay for own and get a smile and a nod. Then on the night, sit down and someone says 'shall we share a bottle?" and I make a point of saying not for me. Then another bottle, or more. Then they are all tipsy at the end, and the splitting is mentioned, and I seem petty for yet again saying no I am not happy. Always made to feel the bad guy, get the eye rolling and sideway glances.

AIBU? On average if I split it would be say £30, just pay for me £15-£20.

Splitting the bill is just annoying. I personally don't get it. I either pick up the tab for everyone, or pay separate. Why not just let the waiter know that it will be separate bills?

As a non alcohol drinker, I usually have one orange juice and one water (free) during a meal and I'm certainly not going to subside those who want bottles of wine or those who choose expensive meals and multiple courses so I always just give enough cash to cover mine plus a bit for tip. On the other hand, I always offer to drive those who are going my way.

I can't believe your friends are expecting you to pay the same as a drinker tbh! I used to work in catering and prefer to just split the bill equally, but certainly not if someone's not drinking/ have had significantly less than other people e.g. One course whilst some have had three.

this is an interesting topic, I was invited out to a meal in an expensive restaurant with 9 others last week. I had literally only #20 so said I wouldn't come, but I was told there were things on the menu I could get for that, and as it was a special birthday for a close family member I agreed. I chose carefully and selected food and a glass of lemonade which came to 15 pounds and handed over my 20 allowing for a tip/service charge, however at the end of the table 6 of the group had order 16oz steaks, starters, dessert, cheese board and 4 bottle of wine, plus liquers...and of course suggested we split the bill! I was so embarrassed, my sons girlfriend spotted my expression and as it was her birthday meal, she had persuaded me to attend, announced loudly that we should all pay our own as a lot of people at our end hadn't had alcohol, and my son whispered reassuringly to me, "don't worry, mum, Ill pay" in the end we did pay our own but the awkwardness continued when one of the drinkers husbands tried to buy me a drink in the beer garden afterwards at which his wife said "no, didn't you hear, we are all buying our own" it wasn't a nice feeling, but how do you deal with it. not go if you cant afford to subsidise someones drinking?

I'd expect an equal split whether drinking or not. Life's too short.
Win some, you lose some but, it all kind of evens out

Naze - how does it even out? My friends drink quite a lot. Yes, they started before they met me, lol. Imagine if I'd spent 20 years doing equal bill splits.

I've just had a drink now because I hadn't heard from my sis at London Bridge. Think that was my first since New Year's Eve!

I mean, I've heard from her now but needed a drink from the stress - she is fine, sorry if that wasn't clear.

I would just pay seperate in your shoes and say to the server when you order.

I have one group of friends with whom I happily split the bill. We eat out regularly and we all spend within a few quid of each other. Sometimes I pay a little more, sometimes I pay a little less and it all evens out pretty much. Anyone who orders something expensive like steak or better wine will chuck extra in.

I have another group who I don't split with. There's 6 of us. 2 of the group will have 3 courses (1 always has a steak) plus sides. They drink expensive wine like there has been a drought and the first half dozen times we went out one of them was the suggester of splitting the bill. They didn't even seem to notice that their bill was £25/30 more than everyone elses. It came to a head when one of the girls stopped coming out because she was too embarrassed to say she couldn't afford it.

Anything that puts you £10+ out of pocket is something that should have someone saying "Hang on..."

I'd expect an equal split whether drinking or not. Life's too short. Win some, you lose some but, it all kind of evens out.

That only works if you drink some of the time. I tend to just eat mains and I don't ever drink so I lose some and lose some more 😂

It's not mean or petty to pay for your own food. If I'm hosting I am very happy to be generous with my guests but I've no desire to subsidise drinkers or people who eat a lot or eat expensive dishes otherwise.

"Regarding the cheaper food tbh I'd think it a bit tight to quibble because your main was 15.99 and someone else's was 18.99 and I say that as someone who very often has a cheaper (vegetarian) option. "

As a vegetarian you'll know that the difference between a bowl of pasta and a steak could be a lot more than that. The problem is that it's usually the well-off people who order the expensive stuff then expect to split the bill and be subsidised by the poorer people in the group.

"Why not just let the waiter know that it will be separate bills?"

Lots of places don't allow that.

Just say at the start of the meal. I'm just going to pay for mine, so I'll order seperatly as i won't be drinking.

Let them roll their eyes.

You are right of course.

Janiston you can enjoy yourself without drinking as well though!

It's not unreasonable at all to only want to pay your share!
Me and my dad went out to a family meal, we didn't have starter or desserts just mains, but where as i had one pineapple juice and he had one coke, other people on the table had 5+ bottles of beer, glasses of wine etc. They all always drink to excess, it's a wonder none of them are alcoholics. They wanted to split the bill evenly, and we got stuck paying £40 over what we had eaten/drank. Which considering im disabled and he's a carer and we're on less than minimum wage for one person between us and they all have high paying careers and loads of spare money they didn't seem to care. Needless to say we haven't been out with them again.

I think it's fine at the start of the meal to tell people that you'll pay for yours, it's also ok to remind people at the end too.

I've been the person with not much money, not drinking (or buying own bar drinks) and having only the cheaper veggie main course. Everyone else is having steak, starters and puddings. Luckily my friends would either realize or not thought and I just had to say.

I've also been someone with a good wage and drinking lots and happy to split, usually because most of us have drunk too much to care The moment anyone mentions they're not drinking, or only had xxxx everyone goes oh yeah, OK.

Here the server always asks up front if the bill will be together or separate. If that's not the case there, I'd ask up front.

So, I guess restaurants there don't have free refills on soda? Here a Coke in a restaurant usually costs between $2 and $3, but that includes unlimited free refills.

There's no way in hell I'd pay four quid for mineral water unless there was enough of it to bath in so if I'm not drinking I'll possibily have one soft drink, which I will pay for and ask for a jug of tap Water. ln 90% of places, alcohol is two or three times the price of water or soft drinks.

Also because most restaurant portions are far too large for me, I rarely have more than one course so it's never going to 'even out eventually' with the person who likes to put away three courses, sides and two bottles of wine.

Perfectly happy to pay for what Ive had including anything 'for the table' that I've had some of, and don't generally argue over a couple of quid here and there, but Im not going to subsidise the tight greedy guts who expects others to pay for their large or expensive meal.

Luckily the group I eat out with regularly happily all pay for what they had.

Maybe Janiston can't enjoy her/himself without drinking alcohol though? Or needs it to feel witty or entertaining. Very sad.

So, I guess restaurants there don't have free refills on soda?

Some do (Nando's) but it's certainly not standard.

We don't have a corn syrup industry in the UK.

I can't bear it when people just lay what they ate because invariably they don't pay enough and other people end up paying more. I always split the food and soft drinks equally and then I think it's fine for the alcohol to be split between drinkers. We've a friend who will only pay for what he and his wife have eaten and without fail he disappears early and we find that he hasn't left enough or any tip

sy That's more that the people in your situation are being sneaky.

If I'm paying for my own and my 2 drinks were £2 each and my main was £14 then I'd sling £20 in. In my experience people paying for their own ends up with a bugger tip because we all round our costs up and the shove a bit for tips.

Op YANBU!!!

This happened to me last night. Myself and dd had one course to everyone else's three. I had one soft drink and dd had tap water while the others drank multiple beers and wine. Then my darling brother who earns 6 times what I do, gives me a hard time for not wanting to split the bill evenly. The difference was between the £24 I actually owed and paying £35 per head! (£70 total). I was expected to subsidise their meal to the tune of £46 over and above what I owed. That's fine when you earn 6 figures but I earn carers allowance and this was a small treat I've had to save for. It's lovely to come on here and see people think I'm being unreasonable for not paying over half my weekly income on a meal for someone else who earns 6times what I do, in the name of ease and saving embarrassment.

Personally I prefer to split the bill, even when I was pregnant and not drinking alcohol and now I'm breastfeeding so don't tend to drink as much, still happily share a bottle or two of wine and just not drink as much of it.

BUT.....I have a friend who hates it, she doesn't do splitting the bill, sharing a bottle of wine, getting rounds at the bar. If we go for coffee, with my other friends one of us will just get it and the other the next time. She has to just order and pay for her own, now I've got dd, she's ordered and paid for me a few times, if I've been finding a seat or feeding dd. She has to work out exactly what I owe her though to the penny!!

This is just what she's like and I love her and respect how she likes to do things.
When we order she asks for hers to be on a seperate bill, me and our other close friends know her and understand. If we're in a bigger group, and she feels a bit awkward about it, she'll say she's having to pay on a card so will just do hers separately to make it easier.

That's the sort of thing that happens to me teabagtits . I will have had £18 worth of stuff and be asked to bung in £50. Every time. People saying this "evens out" have no grasp of basic maths!!

I think it's very disrespectful of friends/relations who tries to give anyone a hard time for not subsidising their night out - if I wanted to pay to be entertained by someone on a night out I'd go to the theatre instead!