To not want to split the bill evenly?

[PurpleDragon76]

When I go out for meals with friends it invariably ends up at the end of the night where its mentioned that it would be easier to just split the bill equally. Well, no, not to me. I don't drink so I don't want to cover the bottles of wine. I normally eat the cheaper food as it tends to be what I like. Every time a meal out is in the works I will mention something to the person who asks about how we will just pay for own and get a smile and a nod. Then on the night, sit down and someone says 'shall we share a bottle?" and I make a point of saying not for me. Then another bottle, or more. Then they are all tipsy at the end, and the splitting is mentioned, and I seem petty for yet again saying no I am not happy. Always made to feel the bad guy, get the eye rolling and sideway glances.

AIBU? On average if I split it would be say £30, just pay for me £15-£20.

Soft drinks are much cheaper then alcoholic ones

Oops. Cross post, too slow!

I don't mind splitting equally as far as the food is concerned but I will absolutely not split equally if some are knocking back the booze. As a singleton I'm always driving and I resent subsidising others getting pissed.

Get in first. Grab the bill. Work out your share then if the others want to split what's left they can (assuming your the only non-drinker).
It drives me mad when people sit and seethe quietly. If you want to control what you pay then get the bill and do the work. Most folk who eat and drink the average amount just split it cause they can't be arsed with the hassle.

I don't know if I have the balls to pay ask the waiter to be billed separately though, they would probably think I was being really tight

Just do it, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. The important thing is to arrange it before you begin. Speak to the maitre d' as soon as you arrive and the others probably won't even notice until the end.

If you feel you need to explain, you could say you might need to leave early.

Youre specifically eating a cheaper meal and having cheaper soft drinks, so yes you should be paying £15 less.

Work out the bill as you go along and then instantly when it finally arrives call 'here's my £15, that will cover everything I've had and give a small tip'

I don't see why you have to tell people in advance that you want to just pay your own share. It's the norm by me to just pay your own generally, usually the waiter brings round the pay machine to people separately. However at a Christmas meal once, a colleague suggested she wanted to split the bill, and I said no because at least four people had drank wine, and another four had two courses, as opposed to me having one and juice.

Soft drinks or bottled water may well be similar in price drink for drink but very often multiple bottles of wine will be consumed as opposed to a pps example of a bottle between 3. I'll admit that would be unheard of among my various friends, colleagues and family . So if I'm eating out with a group of say four friends with one a non drinker, we'll get through 2 or 3 bottles over the meal. The non drinker won't be matching us drink for drink so yes it would prove way more expensive for her!

It really depends on how much you enjoy the company of your lovely friends who like a glass of wine. I think it's a bit petty but if you are broke then it must be annoying. If you're not broke just put it down to the price of socialising with people whose company you enjoy.

I feel your pain, I don't drink alcohol so usual just have a litre bottle of water with a meal, it's awkward and uncomfortable bringing up the money situation and makes you feel really cheap not just splitting the bill evenly. I once went to an Italian restaurant with loads of my husbands family (when we just started dating) I had a bottle of water no starter a margarita pizza no dessert and it cost me £45 because everybody wanted to split the bill evenly my pizza was £8.45 and water was a couple of pounds it's so not fair, but people make you feel really mean not splitting!

I do think that you are right but inevitably it's more complicated. There may well be someone who does drink but only had one or two glasses of wine so comparable to the cost of your soft drinks. There may be other people who also had a low cost meal or didn't have a starter or didn't have a dessert.

The only fair thing to do is to work each bill out separately but that's far too much faff and some people are crap at maths and get it wrong and you end up short.

I am known to be good at maths and get so fed up with being given the bill at the end of a meal and expected to work it out for everyone and collect all the money, give people change which gets incredibly complicated because no one ever has the right money, work out and collect the tip, work out who hasn't given me enough/too much because they are too drunk stupid to count, and invariably end up throwing in extra myself because it's the only way we're going to get out of the restaurant before daybreak.

So, I am very likely to say it'll be easier if we split it equally and my heart will sink when not everyone agrees.

However, I think if you take responsibility for the maths and maybe even volunteer to sort out the collection and payment, that would help enormously.

If people try to make you feel bad by not splitting the bill, firstly, they are not your friends, and secondly they are just taking the p*.

Mumzypopz tell people at the start that you're only paying for exactly what you have because it keeps it simple.
The majority of people are relaxed in a group setting .Then when the rest of the bill comes, everyone else can do a simple divide it down the middle and throw £20/30 in the middle.
I do find do it incredibly tedious to listen to people complaining about the bill but luckily it only happens on work nights out and I make sure I sit well enough away from the usual suspects. If they spoke up at the start of the night it just makes it less of an issue.

Summer that's really shitty Whatever about a few quid, swings and roundabouts, but wow!

I'm stunned there are so many people like that, my experience is usually the opposite in that people will be fighting over wanting to pay more and often "it's my treat", "NO, you got it last time" and so on.

I tend to go out in large groups (ten - twenty) who are knocking back £25/£30 bottles of wine each as a minimum bunch of caners so it honestly isn't a case of squabbling over a tenner between friends.

If there's two or three of us for lunch we might split it or take it in turns to pay for everyone, but it's once it gets over four I find the problems start. They don't mean to do it - they're all bloody pissed!!!

We always split everything unless there's a non drinker, in which case we pay the booze bill separately.

Why should you subsidise their boozing (and I am a drinker).

Work out the bill as you go along and then instantly when it finally arrives call 'here's my £15, that will cover everything I've had and give a small tip'
That's what I do.
I end up paying my share plus enough for a tip but don't have to sub people drinking lots.

It also avoids something I hate which is when somebody wants to tot up all the pennies and be picky over it.

Unless the difference between meals/drinks is very large I think of the split price as the price for the night out rather than for what I specifically had which means I'm happy to split.

On the few occasions the difference is very large I can see it coming and have my total rounded up to nearest £10 in my head, so I can put down my £20/£30/whatever amount down quickly and say split the rest. What annoys people is peering at the bill/getting the menus back to look at prices/using phones as calculators/people not tipping/people not putting in for shared stuff etc so I make sure I don't do those things!

If we go out in a big group the agreement is that drinks are paid for as ordered and the food bill split.Often peeps adjust what they put in if they have had starters,puds and coffee and others haven't.Seems to work for us.Seperate billing also works and to be honest some restaurant seem to prefer it,it is quicker and some groups can get very argumentative splitting bills.

supermoon100

It really depends on how much you enjoy the company of your lovely friends who like a glass of wine. I think it's a bit petty but if you are broke then it must be annoying. If you're not broke just put it down to the price of socialising with people whose company you enjoy.

Really? Why should I be expected to subsidise other people's alcohol consumption? Just because they are my friends, should I have to pay for their company? Because that's what you're suggesting. Especially if, as I've found, they expect non-drinkers to contribute to their several bottles of wine/cocktails/after dinner liquors, yet quibble over my £3.50 dessert and add the cost of that to my share? And then expect a lift home after, because after all, as a non-drinker I'll have my car with me.
I've been caught too many times now, so I usually just ask for a separate bill.

YANBU at all
Your friends are being rude
I had one ginger ale last night, my friend had three glasses of wine, of course we didn't split the bill.

In a group it's worse, some of my friends will have a bottle to themselves. They don't expect me to pay for that.

Soft drinks are cheaper glass for glass everywhere I've ever eaten. You'd also only have 1 or, at most, 2 soft drinks with a meal - it sounds as though the op's friends were having more than 1 or 2 glasses of wine.
I rarely eat meat and tend to have 1 bottle of lager for eg with a meal. I'm generally happy to split the bill just because I can't be bothered adding my share up but when I'm with friends who have ordered a few bottles of wine they always insist I put less in and/or cover my tip.
The op's friends have got a cheek to get the arse about her not subsidising their meal!

What a strange response Janiston
It's possible to enjoy yourself without drinking alcohol and trying to rip off your mates you know!