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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to take a sneaky pregnancy test behind DPs back?

151 replies

broodynmoody · 01/06/2017 20:59

Ohh tell me im not!

We've just had our first round of IVF.
Im not supposed to be testing til Monday (13 days after transfer) but I just cant wait that long - and frankly there's no need to with a 5 day blastocyst.
After a long negotiation with DP, he agreed I can test a day earlier, this Saturday. But what can ONE more day hurt?
He won't budge so I'm dying to have a sneaky test tomorrow and do my best Shockface.
Do I or don't I? Hmm

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 01/06/2017 21:00

Don't do it

Worst case it's too early and it's a false negative and you are upset

LimitedSedition · 01/06/2017 21:01

Another vote for don't do it. However, good luck for when you do! Saturday

Soubriquet · 01/06/2017 21:01

Sorry meant to add, good luck!

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 01/06/2017 21:02

Won't he want to be there when you test though? Surely the point of a weekend test is so you can be in it together? I've not been in your situ so can't say what I would do probably test as I have zero patience but the kind thing to do would be to wait!

Toomuchocolate · 01/06/2017 21:02

No! Either way he won't be there to share it with you. Just wait a tiny bit more - unless you can persuade him!

patronsaintofglocks · 01/06/2017 21:02

If its negative you won't be able to contain your grief.

Original poster
broodynmoody · 01/06/2017 21:03

It'll be 10 days last transfer, from the polls ive found on the internet, a lot of women take them way before 10 days and get BFP. I think if its worked it'll show tomorrow.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/06/2017 21:03

If you have an agreement I wouldn't renege on it, you're supposed to be in it together.

Trifleorbust · 01/06/2017 21:03

Oh bless you. The bottom line is that you are the one who may or may not be pregnant, so test when you like. But I would suggest waiting to test with your partner so you can go through the joy or the tears together.

Tootsiepops · 01/06/2017 21:04

It never even occurred to me to ask my husband about when to test. I just went ahead and did it when I couldn't stand the waiting any more. I got a positive at 5dp5dt.

Fl0ellafunbags · 01/06/2017 21:11

Behind his back? Were you planning to invite him to watch you piss on a stick?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 01/06/2017 21:11

I don't know how you've lasted this long. Fingers crossed.

Justdontgetitatall · 01/06/2017 21:14

Do it!!!!!!! You won't be able to settle until you do x

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 01/06/2017 21:14

You don't need anyone elses to pee on anything you like. Your body, do what you like.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 01/06/2017 21:15

I'd do it, good luck

Libitina · 01/06/2017 21:17

If you do it, please tell him. Don't be dishonest about it.

NapQueen · 01/06/2017 21:17

Ive not done ivf but Ive always just tested when I had an inclin/symptoms etc. If dh was there, fine, if not, I would still test.

But because you have already spoke and made a plan I would stick to the agreement.

Original poster
broodynmoody · 01/06/2017 21:20

FI0 not exactly he wants to just near the door and us look at the test together
tootsie thats really good! Ive lasted double that and its killing me.
And he's insisted he wants to be there.

I might just drag him out of bed tomorrow and insist on doing it with him or without him!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 01/06/2017 21:29

I'd stick to your plan, you're in this together as a team.

mrstomriddle · 01/06/2017 21:33

I understand why you want to test. The not knowing must be so so hard.

I think the problem would be, if you're not pregnant, you'll understandably be very upset and he'll be disappointed he wasn't there to support you. And on the flip side, if it's positive, he'll want to be there for that moment.

As hard as it is, in your shoes I would wait and do it together Flowers

Good luck!!!

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 01/06/2017 21:34

I took various tests over the years of ttc. DH was only around for 1, because it was a weekend and we had been to the supermarket together. The others I just took when I felt I needed to and he didn't even know, most were negative so I didn't bother to mention it. I'd hate the disappointment of us both looking and me wanting to not show I was upset. My second BFP he was at work when I got it. No way was I waiting. In your situation I'd tell him he was welcome to be ourside, but that you are doing it tomorrow. First response were good, as were Tesco own.

Figglesticks · 01/06/2017 21:35

Let him have this moment with you. I know it's hard to wait but as others have said you are in this together and he really wants that moment with you. If you come out negative today youll want his support and you won't be able to say anything without him feeling resentful

ALemonyPea · 01/06/2017 21:38

I wouldn't, because if it's negative (and I sincerely hope it's not) you're going to need his support, and you'll have to own up.

Just wait until Saturday, and the best of luck 💐

mistermagpie · 01/06/2017 21:41

I did the test for my second pregnancy without telling DH, I just didn't want to get anybody's hopes up. So generally I think it's fine, it's your body, your wee etc so do it when you want. However in the situation you're in with IVF, I really think you are so much 'in the process' together that it would seem wrong to test and not tell him.

Best case - you're pregnant and then have to pretend to be shocked on Saturday. Worst case - you're not and you have to tell him or be gutted by yourself until Saturday. Neither of these seem very good.

Good luck though, ivf is a bastard a dci hope you get a positive.

bobbybaby2017 · 01/06/2017 21:42

Don't do it. Never had kids and won't do but you'll regret not sharing the moment with him if it's positive and you'll want him there if it's not.