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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop ex seeing children

44 replies

user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 21:35

Aibu to stop contact as my ex is 26 and seeing a 17 year old. They started seeing eachother when she was 16 and he was still living with me. Iv offered supervised contact but he turned it down

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 31/05/2017 21:36

Why would you stop contact or only have it supervised? Because you don't agree with the age of his partner?

ChickenBhuna · 31/05/2017 21:43

He may not have a finely tuned moral code but he's not actually done anything illegal OP. A court wouldn't back you if this is your only reason to change contact.

harderandharder2breathe · 31/05/2017 21:46

Agreed, if your only concern is the age of his partner you can't stop contact, he's creepy but it's not illegal.

Or is this part of a wider concern about his life and suitability as a parent?

chipscheeseandgravy · 31/05/2017 21:51

Him being a wanker and seeing someone else is not a real reason to stop him from seeing his kids. If he's abusive or a danger to the kids, yes, stop contact. But doing it cos it's new partner is barely legal isn't a good reason.
Set some ground rules; wait till they've been in a relationship for a set period of time before she meets the kids, make sure you meet her first before the kids do, she's not allowed to come first when it comes to him having contact etc. Not letting him have contact will impact the kids.

twattymctwatterson · 31/05/2017 21:55

The courts would take a very dim view of you stopping contact for this reason. You would also be essentially hurting your kids to get at your ex which is shitty behaviour

SylvesterMcM0nkeyMcBean · 31/05/2017 21:56

Do not stop your children from seeing their father.

Andrewofgg · 31/05/2017 21:57

It's not illegal. Why the hell should anyone supervise his contact with his children?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 31/05/2017 21:57

YABVU. He is not doing anything wrong or illegal and you have absolutely no right whatsoever so stop him seeing his children just because you don't like the age of his partner.

NotHotDogMum · 31/05/2017 21:58

Of course you are angry and hurt, he's a knob.

But don't let the DC miss out on spending time with their DF, it's not fair in them.

fabulous01 · 31/05/2017 22:00

My friend is going through the courts. It is an awful process so if it is because he is a knov think seriously as she is going to hell and back as well as the cost

Original poster
user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 22:00

Hes also a drug user and getin into fights alot hes always got black eyes. He was not stable with his contact before i stopped it but because of family history (he has a family member on sex offenders reg) im very uncomfortable with his relationship.

OP posts:
PrinceAli · 31/05/2017 22:00

Unfortunately it's the parents of the girlfriend who need to stop contact... I wouldn't want a pervert anywhere near my children either though op so Flowers

ItsAMessyLife · 31/05/2017 22:01

Why didn't you mention all of that in your original post?

FathomsDeepAndFallingFurther · 31/05/2017 22:01

Why did you turn down supervised contact?

Surely that would be the best thing for your children? To maintain a relationship with their father but in a safe place?

Original poster
user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 22:02

He turned down supervised contact i offered it

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 22:03

Im sorry i should have said it.

OP posts:
FathomsDeepAndFallingFurther · 31/05/2017 22:03

Oh sorry OP. That's what I get for reading too fast. Blush

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 31/05/2017 22:03

Well that's a big fucking dripfeed.

Why is your OP all about the age of this girl, which isn't a problem, when he's a drug user and fights a lot (which is a problem)?

Original poster
user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 22:05

I do want them to see him i just dont want them growing up thinking its ok to groom someone as thats kind of what he did with this girl. I dont want my dd at 16 seeing a 26 year old or my ds at 26 seeing a 16 year old

OP posts:
Original poster
user1495583733 · 31/05/2017 22:06

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 im sorry i didnt put it all in the original post im not thinking very clearly as of late.

OP posts:
MarciaBlaine · 31/05/2017 22:08

Presumably the age thing won't be an issue for a long time. The other stuff not so much Sad

twattymctwatterson · 31/05/2017 23:23

She's over the age of consent so he hasn't groomed her. I became involved with a 27 year old when I was aged 17. I wasn't groomed - he was an immature idiot which is why someone younger suited him but the relationship didn't damage me. You sound more worried about his relationship than the drugs and fighting.

Atenco · 01/06/2017 00:14

My grandmother was fourteen when she started going out with my grandfather who was twenty-eight.

RebelRogue · 01/06/2017 00:23

Gf not an issue,focus on the other stuff instead.

PrinceAli · 01/06/2017 06:42

My grandmother was fourteen when she started going out with my grandfather who was twenty-eight.

That's disgusting. What's your point? You'd let your 14 year old date a 28 year old? Social services would be involved if so.

If I started a thread saying I was a 26 year old man and dating a 16 year old girl I'd be torn apart. Not sure why we're pretending that we're all OK with this to be shitty to the op

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