I'm part of a group of six who have been friends for more than twenty years. We're all women in our forties.
We live in different parts of the country and go on holiday together twice a year: city breaks, spa breaks, that sort of thing.
One of our number (who I'm less friendly with than the others, but whom I still like) regards herself as 'delicate'. She has never been diagnosed with any health problems, but her delicacy manifests itself as follows:
- nights out have to be curtailed early because she 'gets tired easily' and can't go back to the hotel or airBnB on her own.
- many restaurant and cafe options are rejected because she has a delicate digestion and the menu doesn't suit it.
- when we find a restaurant or cafe that fits the specification, she has to choose the best chair because of her delicate joints.
- when we order wine in a restaurant, she won't have the same as everybody else because whatever everybody else likes somehow upsets her delicate stomach.
- says that she never sleeps in hotels or unfamiliar bedrooms, so everybody has to walk slowly in the morning because she is exhausted.
We've just returned from a trip, so I'm more irritated than I'd normally be. What I don't get is how she manages to take so many people in. Am I the unreasonable one? There's nothing medically wrong with the woman.
After a long-ish day out on our most recent trip, we decided to sit on the balcony and have a glass of wine. Delicate friend decided that she was going straight to bed because she was tired through not sleeping in unfamiliar beds, etc. After she said goodnight, one of the other members of the group said, "X has done well today hasn't she?"
Me: "Done well how?"
Friend: "well, it's been a long day and it's late for her" (it was 10.30 pm)
Me: "She's a grown up. She can cope with being up until 10.30".
Friend: "but she's a delicate little flower, isn't she?"
Me (laughing): "she's no more delicate than you or I!"
I resent being part of what feels like a ridiculous pantomime in which we're all expected to dance attendance on the dainty, delicate one. I think that cultivating 'delicacy' is a very good way of getting other people to dance to your tune.
Am I right or am I just intolerant?
Luckily I only see this particular friend twice a year. I see the others far more regularly.