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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding when due

45 replies

User98765 · 25/05/2017 23:28

AIBU to be slightly miffed that my DP has accepted wedding invites for the week I'm due to give birth?
I don't know the people who are getting married and will know NOONE there (aside from partner). Many of the guests used to work together, my DP included so will all know each other and I just don't feel like I'll be in any kind of state or mood to want to meet people for the first time when I'm 9 months pregnant and it's the height of summer - I'm already really struggling with the heat!
Surely the weeks closely leading up to the birth I should be making the most of slogging about in pyjamas at home and getting things sorted. Not driving us to a wedding (DP doesn't drive) with a bunch of strangers I don't know and feeling like a beached whale?!
I semi hinted at the fact that I probs won't be up for it and he went on about how it'd be fine and a good chance for me to meet all these people!
I don't think IBU to not want to go, but AIBU to also expect him to stay at home with me? I could pop at any time!

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 25/05/2017 23:31

YANBU

MiniAlphaBravo · 25/05/2017 23:32

How far is it? I wouldn't have wanted to go either you'll be sober and won't know anyone and all everyone will talk about is pregnancy/ baby to you. Anyway you might have had the baby already or be going in to labour. I don't think he gets it. Is this your first? Lots of women don't even drive st 40 weeks.

KC225 · 25/05/2017 23:33

YANBU tell him to send a 'sorry I got a bit over ecxited' note the his friends, plus card and a small gift

McTufty · 25/05/2017 23:34

You're definitely not being unreasonable - when you're due to give birth, you take priority over his social life.

Also given you might have to pull out due to being in labour or just having given birth, not really fair on the couple to rsvp with a yes either.

Has the RSVP deadline passed? Can he pull out?

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 23:36

Is it nearby? He should just go alone. How close to the due date?

DuggeeHugs · 25/05/2017 23:36

YANBU! How far away is the wedding?Since term is 37 weeks has your DP considered that you may already have had the baby by then and may need him around/you won't be up to providing him with a taxi service? Has he thought about how he'd get to the hospital if you go into labour while he's at the wedding and you're at home?

My MIL is visiting the UK this summer, arriving when I'm 38+2 and staying with other family members. Ordinarily we'd all go and meet her at the airport but DH has been adamant that this isn't a good idea so close to the birth and we'll catch up with her later in the visit.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/05/2017 23:36

YANBU at all.

Do you mean he accepted invitations on your behalf without asking whether or not you wanted to go? I'd be totally pissed off. It sounds like he wants you to drive him so just barrelled ahead trying to make you go along with it.

If you don't mind him going while you enjoy some down time then he can get a lift with someone else or use public transport.

Cheeky sod. I'd back out now at the very least and see if he still wants to go without having you take him.

Original poster
User98765 · 25/05/2017 23:36

mini - yes my first and it's a high risk pregnancy!! I really don't think he gets it either. I already am struggling at 27 weeks and know that I'm just going to want him to be on hand for me incase anything happens. It's not too far - about 20 miles, but if I'm not driving or going it means he'll be relying on someone else for a lift and if I was to go into labour would he get back in time?!

OP posts:
2014newme · 25/05/2017 23:37

Yanbu

malin100 · 25/05/2017 23:37

I said no to a wedding that would have been around when I was due even though I'd have loved to go. I didn't think it was fair on the couple that there was a reasonable chance they had paid for a meal/place that nobody would get to eat. As it turned out, we wouldn't have made it, so I was glad I'd saved them some money/places for others even though I was gutted I missed it.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 23:38

Sorry i should read more carefully you said the week you are due! it's actually rude of him to accept invites as you may well not be able to go as baby might be here or you might be in labour and his friends will lose the money on your two seats.

He should at least let them know if he comes he will be alone. I would be clear with him that you are NOT going and hopefully it goes without saying that he won't be if baby is on the way/just born.

Original poster
User98765 · 25/05/2017 23:38

fruitcorner - it's 6 days before my due date!

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 23:43

Also my DH and I agreed that he wouldn't drink above drive limit from 38 weeks for my pregnancies. If he goes he should drive and then he can be back in 20 mins if you do go into labour.

It's not uncommon for men not to 'get' it until first baby is here. I suppose maybe it just doesn't seem real. You should be firm though YANBU.

Original poster
User98765 · 25/05/2017 23:44

Okay thanks all - that's reassured me that IANBU and will definitely speak to him about it tomorrow. He definitely doesn't realise how much pregnant women struggle!!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/05/2017 23:46

He doesn't drive fruitcorner.

I'd be pissed off op. He should unacceptable. Certainly don't taxi him.

JennyWoodentop · 25/05/2017 23:52

You will either be too massively pregnant, uncomfortable & fed up or in labour or be dealing with a new born - none of these situations are conducive to attending a wedding of people you don't know, especially as designated driver, so no, YANBU.

He could go alone if they are really good friends if it wasn't too far away from home and he could get away immediately if you went into labour. But if he doesn't drive, that doesn't sound easy unless it's pretty close and he could get a taxi. He should have thought about the logistics b and discussed it with you before accepting the invitation.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 23:55

Oh i really need to read more carefully don't I!? But yes he would need to get a taxi in that situation.

Original poster
User98765 · 26/05/2017 00:02

I'll explain all of the above and just say I won't be attending and that I'd need him to be on call and prepared to leave at any moment if I need him to. Hopefully logic will kick in and he'll realise it's probably not the best idea!

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 26/05/2017 00:03

Sorry missed that too - then he should be prepared to get a taxi and should still remain relatively sober as he may be needed. As for most women labour lasts hours (obviously there are exceptions), and 20 mins (even if he has to wait a bit for a taxi ) is not far , I would say it's not unreasonable for him to plan to go. That is assuming you haven't given birth and are not in labour obviously. He should come back early as taxis may be harder to get at night time. Just out of interest how will you get to hospital?

Fruitcorner123 · 26/05/2017 00:04

Sounds like you have a good plan. Hope it all goes well for you and your new little one.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 26/05/2017 03:32

Yanbu.

If you haven't already had the baby by then, trust me you'll just want to put your feet up anyway!

Get him to cancel and apologise (to both you and them!)

ToastyFingers · 26/05/2017 06:12

You're due around my dd1s birthday, I can tell you, it was a long, hard summer.

I spent most of the day in my underpants in a paddling pool because it was just too hot for anything else and moving around in the heat made me dizzy and sick.

I learned my lesson and dd2 was born in January.

You might be one of those gorgeous pregnant women, who glow, and float around looking radiant, or you could be an angry sweaty beached whale like moi.

EastEndQueen · 26/05/2017 10:04

Absolutely YANBU for not wanting to be an unpaid taxi/ stand around with lots of people you don't know who are getting gradually drunker whilst you sip ginger beer...I did 4 weddings pregnant last year and it can be a bit of a slog even if they are close friends (although worth it if close friends) and my last one was at about 33 weeks.

If they are 20 miles away though then I would be inclined to let DH go with the understanding that he needs to limit his drinking so he doesn't get drunk (say 3-4 drinks over the day) and needs a good thought up plan in case you need him ASAP (cash for taxis, phone charge with him, taxi numbers etc). He can have a good time with his mates before the baby comes and you can chill in the garden/ on the sofa with ice cream.

Good luck xxx

EastEndQueen · 26/05/2017 10:09

Oh and make sure he lets the bride/ groom know that he may well have to drop out very very last minute (my lovely chilled low risk pregnancy - and yes I was one of those annoying women wearing heels and happily doing 2am nights with friends in late pregnancy - turned into a mega high risk induction at 38 weeks and my husband's birthday weekend plans got ruined) so they can't complain if they lose the money on him...

Original poster
User98765 · 26/05/2017 10:17

Thanks for the advice everyone - I was wondering whether i was being unreasonable cos you do meet some of those women who are just a breeze to be around the whole way through their pregnancy and manage to balance just about every activity of daily life with barely breaking a sweat haha! I spoke to him this morning and he's told the groom we won't be going and that only if he is definitely not needed he'll attend the evening function on his own, so they're not spending money on us when we can't make it!
Once I explained all of the above and that there's a good chance I may even have given birth by then I think he had a bit of a realisation and realised his impending responsibility!

OP posts:
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