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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding when due

45 replies

User98765 · 25/05/2017 23:28

AIBU to be slightly miffed that my DP has accepted wedding invites for the week I'm due to give birth?
I don't know the people who are getting married and will know NOONE there (aside from partner). Many of the guests used to work together, my DP included so will all know each other and I just don't feel like I'll be in any kind of state or mood to want to meet people for the first time when I'm 9 months pregnant and it's the height of summer - I'm already really struggling with the heat!
Surely the weeks closely leading up to the birth I should be making the most of slogging about in pyjamas at home and getting things sorted. Not driving us to a wedding (DP doesn't drive) with a bunch of strangers I don't know and feeling like a beached whale?!
I semi hinted at the fact that I probs won't be up for it and he went on about how it'd be fine and a good chance for me to meet all these people!
I don't think IBU to not want to go, but AIBU to also expect him to stay at home with me? I could pop at any time!

OP posts:
MiniAlphaBravo · 26/05/2017 13:42

Good news and a reality hit for him!

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/05/2017 14:16

Brilliant, well done for talking it through.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and good luck with everything! Smile

User98765 · 26/05/2017 14:43

Thanks so much :) I see so many nasty comments on here but everyone was lovely so thank you x

OP posts:
DorkMaiden · 26/05/2017 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/05/2017 14:57

Glad you got it sorted.
Can I suggest now would be a good time for him to learn to drive, otherwise you will be the one having to do all the emergency trips to supermarket at midnight when you've run out of nappies, all the trips to A&E , all the driving to family and friends events and parties where you will always be the one staying sober, and therefore always the one also looking after the baby.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/05/2017 23:38

on the plus side, it will probably be freezing cold and piissing down with rain as it will be mid british summer.

glad he saw sense.

kel1493 · 26/05/2017 23:49

How far is the wedding from where you live?
You may not give birth on your due date (I stood and done a pile of ironing on mine)..
But glad it's sorted now

User98765 · 27/05/2017 06:46

Hi all! Thanks again for all the messages :)
Delphinium - he is planning to get his licence before the little one make her arrival thankfully! Which as you say, will really help.
Kel - it's about 25 miles away so would cost about £40 in a taxi. I think he's realised that it's not really convenient to be fair!

OP posts:
Crabbitstick · 27/05/2017 07:06

If he does go he still needs to limit alcohol intake. He will regret welcoming first child into World inebriated and he needs to be on best form for you, not potentially nursing any hangovers over the period.

arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens · 28/05/2017 18:24

Glad you got it sorted Flowers. I too had a high risk pregnancy and ended up having a c-section at 37 weeks for various reasons. There was no way in the world I would have gone to a wedding by then. It was hard enough holding a party at home for DH 30th a week earlier- and that was in October.

Hope all goes well for you from now on x

Maryann1975 · 28/05/2017 18:34

Dh was really annoyed when I said we wouldn't be going to his brothers wedding on the other side of the country when I should have been 39.5 weeks pregnant. As it was, ds was 3 days old on the wedding day. No way would I have gone heavily Pg or with a 3 day old baby and dh agreed after the event that I had made the right call.

driveninsanebythehubby · 29/05/2017 08:57

So glad you got it sorted! On the flip side, one of my close friends from school got married and invited us to the evening do. It was my due date! I told her that's we'd do our best to make it, but couldn't guarantee it for obvious reasons..... she actually seemed a bit pissed off about the fact that we might not make it?! Anyway - I had our baby (our first) exactly 1 week early. We decided to go along to the wedding with baby in tow and it was a lot of fun. I was at the bar grabbing drinks (soft for me still!) for me and Hubby and another friend whom I hadn't seen in years came up to me. She looked at me and said "I thought you were due a baby anytime now?" I replied "oh I had him last week - he's over there with hubby". She looked me up and down and didn't quite know what to say..... I'm guessing coming out of hospital half a stone lighter than when you fell pregnant (due to so much sickness) does have its advantages afterwards!!!!

Oh that was the first week of August too so if I'd still been pregnant there would not have been a cat in hells chance that I would have gone as it was a ridiculously hot summer and I had need struggling the last few weeks. Like a pp, I learned my lesson and had my second in January! If the wedding had been after that pregnancy, I would still have been pregnant as went a week over and completely unable to walk due to sciatica in both legs andvthen whrn I did have him I stayed in hospital for almost a week and generally struggled a lot more than with DS1. If it had been my third (and last) I was 8 days overdue but had the most horrendous time in labour and honestly couldn't do anything for weeks afterwards.

The thing with pregnancy is, even if you've done it before, you just don't know what is going to happen at the end there. Only 1 out of my three pregnancies I would have not been pregnant still, and only 1 of my labours was ok enough that I felt ok to do anything straight afterwards! You have no way of knowing how you will be - even if you had previous babies!

Good luck with your impending arrival. I hope the high risk pregnancy doesn't cause you or your baby any problems at all.

You said that your DH doesn't drive? What was his plan if you had gone to the wedding and had gone into labour there? I'm presuming you have a plan for someone to drive you to the hospital when you go into labour already (as high risk is guess you aren't allowed a home birth).

Anyways - glad your hubby saw sense! I hope that he does get to go to the evening do as that's a fab compromise he agreed to!

Sunmoonstars09 · 29/05/2017 09:24

I had this when I was pregnant, he wanted me to meet his work friends and vise virsa. I didn't think of this as selfish or unreasonable, after all they talk about us and the children quite a lot (my partner works on a van it's not all man chat 😂) they want to show us off! Yes it's the last thing you want to do you probably feel huge with massive ankles and a sweaty mess but to him your his beautiful partner that is bringing his child into the world! I was dreading it for months made loads of excuses not to go etc but I ended up going, but made it clear I don't want to be touched by strangers all day, no baby talk (I wanted to feel like me not just a pregnant whale) and we left at a reasonable time! Talk to him, he didn't think (men do that a lot 😂) he's excited, they will never know how hard Carrying a child can be! If it's the wedding could he not explain the situation to them so you can't give a definite answer would depend on baby and how you feel etc if it's the reception explain the situation and go for a hour or 2 in the eve if your feeling up to it? If they need to confirm numbers, could he go on his own? Finding his own way there and back so you don't have to drive! I had a good time and glad I went! Maybe you would to? What a perfect excuse to wear flat shoes!!! chances are the baby won't come on the due date, and if it does then the bride n groom will understand!

Xanadu44 · 29/05/2017 09:27

YANBU I'm 38 weeks now and extremely uncomfortable, the LAST thing I'd want to do is go to a wedding and mine is a low risk pregnancy, but I could still give birth at any day! As yours is high risk you may have had it by then too?! If you haven't then he can go by himself but you need to make sure it's quite near and that he doesn't drink just in case you do go in to labour. Good luck! Xx

bailz · 29/05/2017 09:33

Just tell him to go but he needs to be sober enough for being your support during labour and able to get back on his own.

StressedOutMum22 · 29/05/2017 09:34

Potentially a baby can come at any time - My baby was 5 weeks early and it waa touch and go from 23 weeks. You are considered term frok 37-42 weeks so I cant see why so many women insist they cannot make any plans/husbands cant drink etc. in this time.

First babies are usually late and labour is unlikely to be fast, you normally have plenty of notice. Myself and a friend were pregnant at the same time, hers plain sailing and she refused to make any plans (including a local cafe for lunch) past about 38 weeks 'incase she went into labour' and I found it a little precious. Obviously dont plan to go miles but a half hour drive away for a friends wedding you would be fine. If you did start contracting/feeling unwell you are close enough to go home.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 29/05/2017 09:49

Just RSVP for him alone and book a taxi. It's only 20 miles away so he can be back very quickly should you go into labour early but first pregnancies are usually late.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 29/05/2017 09:53

Glad it's sorted but I don't get the 'semi-hinted' that you didn't want to go. Don't semi-hint, just say what you think!

driveninsanebythehubby · 29/05/2017 14:41

Stressedout that's a little short-sighted of yourself. No 2 pregnancies are the same. You might have been feeling fine etc, but your friend might have been feeling lousy and rather than telling you she wanted to lie in bed eating Jaffa cakes, she said she was staying at home just in case!

And when us women have to give up the alcohol for 9 months (and longer if BF) I do not think it's unreasonable in the slightest for the men to abstain for quite literally just a few weeks! How would you have felt if you had gone into labour at 38 weeks and your husband/partner was out at a wedding 20 mins away (presuming they could get back the moment they found out which is unlikely), you found out he was pissed as a fart and suddenly there was an unexpected complication (e.g. You start bleeding, or your waters break and there is meconium in it as two more common examples) - or you just felt scared because suddenly you felt very alone in this! Or the labour moves on very, very quickly...... There are countless things that could go wrong at any point. It is not selfish of the pregnant woman to want her babies father with her, sober and useful - it's selfish for him to want to carry on drinking, going out miles away, etc from around 37 weeks onwards.

Given we don't know why this particular woman's pregnancy is high risk, who are any of us to judge why she might want him home? Especially only 6 days before her due date? We aren't even talking about it being weeks from her due date - it's literally days!

WheresYouWheelieBin · 01/06/2017 13:09

I had to go to a black tie wedding when I was 8 months pregnant. Everyone was drunk except for me, all of the food was raw (think sashimi and steak tartare) so I ended up being served a slice tomato with some basil and boconcini and DH kept swanning off to socialise while I was left twiddling my thumbs because I didn't know anyone. Let's not even talk about the money I had to spend on a maternity formal dress. I spent most of the night in the toilets texting my sister to complain about how awful it all was. Should have stayed at home in my pyjamas. YANBU!

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