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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a primary school to take DS his packed lunch

108 replies

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 17:38

Name change as DS' school monitors MN ( I am not kidding). Today DS9 forgot his packed lunch so I took it to school at 9:30. Fast forward to just now when I picked him up, his class teacher spoke to me to make me aware that at 1pm ( 10 mins before lunch finished) his food was still in the office so he hadn't eaten much as there wasn't enough time left. She also kindly informed me that she had explained to him he needed to eat his lunch for energy even if he says he's not hungry ( He didn't say the reason he wasn't hungry was because he now felt sick - I'm not surprised!) I knew full well the reason he hadn't eaten was because he had put down for a packed lunch but then realised at lunchtime he actually didn't have any food so had just gone and sat outside and been too worried to ask ( this has happened before) my gripe is that this school refuse to take anything brought in by parents to a child that has forgotten it - Even food! The teacher said he was told it was in the office but he is adamant he wasn't told and actually if you think logically - had he known - when he realised he had no lunchbox he would have gone and got it. The teacher refused to accept anything I said and when I pointed out that every other school I know delivers stuff to the child's class she said it's the child's responsibility to remember their belongings. AIBU to be upset that they didn't take a 9yo his packed lunch. If not what do I do now? Leave it and seem like a ranty parent ( I wasn't shouty but was quite direct and did not back down or accept her reasoning) or do I write to the HT and clearly explain why it wasn't acceptable?

OP posts:

SasBel · 25/05/2017 18:53

I would keep them all at the same school. I understand that his anxiety may be preventing you from moving him, but being with his siblings might well give him some confidence.

Thanks to DH's job, my 7 yo DD has attended 3 schools so far, and has kept friends from the old ones, as well as made new ones every time.

we are not moving again

eddiemairswife · 25/05/2017 18:57

School sounds vile. I'm retired, but our school secretary would always bring round forgotten PE kit, swimming costumes, lunches. It doesn't seem to be a very caring or nurturing establishment.

paxillin · 25/05/2017 18:57

Unfortunately very common. Happens at our school a lot, too.

ArtemisiaGentilleschi · 25/05/2017 18:59

When you say "this has happened before" do you mean you have forgotten to give him his packed lunch before?

user1490375610 · 25/05/2017 19:01

Either way, did no one in the office motive h had not come to collect his lunch by lunch time and wonder what he was (or wasn't) eating?

Bluntness100 · 25/05/2017 19:01

Op why are you keeping him there? If they are so bad they will give a child into trouble for asking for help. And your son would rather make himself ill than explain to an adult he's had no lunch, that the school lies to parents, why is there any discussion over whether it's for the best to take him out?

Yes, in most instances the concern here would be why did your son not speak up, but if you know the teachers and staff are bullying the children as you describe l then take him out and report to ofsted.

user1490375610 · 25/05/2017 19:01

YANBU. would write to HT

WhiteCaribou · 25/05/2017 19:03

I'm a School Secretary and I would certainly have delivered his lunch to him. I've done it a plenty of times. I also take coats, PE bags or swimming kit and hang it on the child's peg if a parent brings it in. It only takes a couple of minutes. If it was something that happens every day I might feel differently but as a one off? Why not be kind?

I think his school sounds unpleasant. There's no point telling a child he ought to eat when you haven't told him that there's a lunch waiting for him. More than likely they had forgotten all about it. And how sad that he was too nervous to ask someone, that speaks volumes about the culture in the school to me. At a school we hope that children who are going through problems at home (abuse or whatever) will feel confident to confide in a member of staff - little chance of that at a school where a child is scared to ask if his lunch has arrived.

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 19:03

witsender 2 form entry. It's less than 1 minute walk to DS classroom there are usually 4 office staff. 2ducks I have brought stuff in before but if it's an instrument or pe kit that gets left in the office I don't mind as they are not essential

OP posts:

TizzyDongue · 25/05/2017 19:04

My DS's school would, and has. There's about 240 children in the school.

Secretary will also pass on any messages too (about changes to that day's collection for example)

TizzyDongue · 25/05/2017 19:05

Oh and there's just one office staff member

grannytomine · 25/05/2017 19:11

I volunteer in a local primary one day a week, it is over two floors and the office staff are often walking round the school doing various things, TAs, teachers and kids are often in the office picking things up. I can't imagine why someone couldn't have taken him his lunch. Doesn't sound like a very nice school.

VerbenaGirl · 25/05/2017 19:12

Goodness that's mean!

TheLambShankRedemption · 25/05/2017 19:13

Wow that is poor form by the office. Making your point by not getting a meal to a child?

They'd soon be on your case for poor parenting if there was no credit on your account and you hadn't sent a packed lunch in.

IntheBenefitTrap · 25/05/2017 19:18

What a disgusting school. Our office staff would have priorotised safe delivery of a child's lunch. Also, did none of the dinner staff realise he wasn't eating?! I take my class into the hall and make sure they're all sat down with food before I go back to my classroom. I am one of the only ones that does this but I like to make sure they're all OK and sometimes I'll eat my own lunch in there with them (which they LOVE).

Saying that, I make sure I'm completely approachable so I know if there was a problem, they wouldn't be scared to ask me. I think that's the main issue here.

bookwormnerd · 25/05/2017 19:29

I cant believe they didnt notice. My dd school is fantastic and happy to take forgotten lunches or drinks to classroom. When i was teaching if child didnt have lunch when we had bell which would be noticed in line we would check for pack lunch in office, if didnt have sorted out a school lunch and gave parents a quick ring to say what happened and that was in a large school. Office staff would hapily bring stuff to classroom as well. Children do forget things. I cant believe they missed he had not had lunch

DottieB · 25/05/2017 19:46

Another one thinking that it is very sad that a child is too afraid to ask for help in this situation. I work in a school office as well and as others have said, if it the same child everyday forgetting things it can be mildly annoying when there is so much else to do.

However I can easily contact classroom staff via internal phone or visiting classrooms/the staff room when I am delivering other messages and items (obviously trying to avoid disrupting lessons) or asking other children, or in this case perhaps the mid day supervisors on their way in to the building, to pass messages - it's really not too much trouble to make sure a child gets a message.

Whilst children should be definitely be encouraged and supported to be independent and responsible for their own belongings, if there was a lunchbox still sitting on my desk at lunchtime, and I know the child had not ordered a school dinner, I would make every effort to make sure the child got it rather than go hungry.

Givemeabreak01 · 25/05/2017 20:17

I have worked in a school recently...: we were responsible for getting the lunches or kits down to kids.... I'm sorry but the amount of people that pass the office and the amount of running the office staff do per day there is no reason they couldn't have popped it into his class.... it's a shocking excuse to say we told him but then it was too late.... how reasonable is it to not feed a child during the day!

Astro55 · 25/05/2017 20:20

So he forgot his lunch
Then said packed lunch
He'd been told to collect it but didn't
He then thought maybe he should be in dinners
Then assuming he was called to lunch - didn't explain the situation to an adult? Not one?
Someone realsied and found his lunch and he did eat but not much

What responsibility has you son taken for his actions?

londonmummy1966 · 25/05/2017 23:04

School I worked in office staff either delivered to the class room themselves, delivered to staff room for teachers to pick up during morning break or sent an email to staff to say there was something in the office for collection. Sounds a horrible school OP where the office staff can't be arsed to send an email....

Allthewaves · 25/05/2017 23:15

My school, they ring the class teacher from reception to tell the child to come to reception to collect whatever they have forgotten from their parent

LovingLola · 25/05/2017 23:20

sasBel yes we have looked at moving him ( we did remove his older brother) but not sure it would be for the best. We are not however sending DS there in September. She is going to a lovely school much like the sounds of crazedzombie's school

His brother has moved. His sister is not going there - she is going to a lovely school. Why would you not move this boy? Why would you leave him where you know the teachers lie and where he is too anxious to tell adults that he has forgotten his lunch?

maddening · 25/05/2017 23:23

The school office staff surely have enough time to help look after the young dc that they are paid to look after ffs I think there is a little over egging of what school office staff and teaching staff have to do during the day.

Yanbu op

Frazzled74 · 25/05/2017 23:24

My dc primary school would definitely have given the child the lunchbox. In fact, last year ds forgot swimming kit, office rung me but I was at work so couldn't take it in. One of the teachers nipped home at lunchtime and lent ds her child's swim kit. I was so grateful and love the school because of these displays of care.

Original poster

MadAsFluff · 25/05/2017 23:42

Sorry been out all be evening at older DS' sports evening. Slightly calmer now and I can see that it's not such a huge deal in the scheme of things. I still think they were wrong and yes verbenagirl and thelmbshank it was a cynical and a point making exercise to not take him his food
artemesia it has happened before that older DS was too afraid to ask for help for fear of being told off with regards to forgetting his meal choices.
astro55 what do you do to approach someone you are petrified of, what responsibility do you take that you haven't confided in someone you know will punish you if you do?
benefittrap, white caribou you sound lovely I wish there were more like you at DS school..
sasbel, bluntness100 his older brother was removed because he was subject to their bullying tactics, he has now moved on to secondary school - vastly benefitted by the fact he 'escaped' this school. DS (9) is a very different child and moving schools is traumatic enough if not totally essential. Until now he has muddled along just fine but is prone to being a bit dozy. DD(4) will not be attending this school which is heartbreaking for us. This school has played a huge part in our lives and our community- we have been part of it for 17 years. To not send our last child there is a huge deal and heartbreaking but it is just a very uncaring environment now and we are not lone voices in saying this. Established families that have previously sent several children here have indicated that their youngest will also be attending a different school.

OP posts:

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